Comments for Alcoholic's Friend

Comment on Detaching From An Alcoholic by Jule

Jule — Fri, 18 May 2012 20:50:03 +0000

Great post — thanks, this is the right advice.

Comment on Infidelity By An Unfaithful Alcoholic by Ross

Ross — Fri, 18 May 2012 20:15:46 +0000

i liked this article. How long would one be able to expect to wait,
after spouses sobriety since their mind has been affected,before
attending marriage counseling?

Comment on Detaching From An Alcoholic by Sally

Sally — Fri, 18 May 2012 16:27:32 +0000

Karen, so glad you’re stronger and back home! Sorry, I had to laugh at the “not going to forget” bit. I’m certain that there is much you’ll never forget, either, that he’ll never remember! Just keep in mind that we can love many people and things that are not good for us and actually do us harm. I hope you had a grand time with your family. He has almost 2 months to work out a plan for himself. You can help by making suggestions, but don’t take action for him. Let him do it for himself. Too many of the drunks (okay, all of them that I’ve ever known) are quite content to let other people (us) do the work and make the effort to get things done. If having a place to live is important to your ABF, it’s got to be up to him to get it done. As they say, he needs some skin in the game or he won’t make any effort to keep what he gets, if he gets it. I’m pulling for you and praying that you stay strong, stay gone and are happy.

Comment on Detaching From An Alcoholic by karen

karen — Fri, 18 May 2012 15:20:25 +0000

Hi all, its been a long time since writing. well i am back down south with my so, i know, helping/enabling again. this i am working on. he got evicted from his flat, this being the reason i came down, stayed in a b and b just for one night, his place was uninhabitable, this is a first for me, so am getting stronger my so was not amused. anyway next morning went housing with him and they thankfully put him in a emergency accommodation awaiting an assessment, otherwise i would have been in a very dangerous situation. he could/would not believe i would not take him back to london and says he will not forget that i would have left him on the street. (he would have put himself there). anyway the housing have assessed my so and say he has made himself intentionally homeless. now have appealed for a review and yet again, thankfully, they have given an extension of 56 days whilst review is taking place. he has remained sober since i arrived, which is good, would not have stayed if he drank, he knows this now. i am returning back home over the next few days, and i pray that all will be well for me and of course for my so. i do want to return home, i miss home. God bless

Comment on Detaching From An Alcoholic by Barb

Barb — Fri, 18 May 2012 09:24:20 +0000

Glad to have found this site. Cannot help but notice how many times “go to another room” is advised. I’ve been “dealing” with my alcoholic significant other for 3 years now, and on weekends I stay in “another room”. Since he controls all the money, it’s not like getting out of the house is an option (but wouldn’t that amount to going to “another room” anyway?). When he comes home from work – after several hours at the bar first of course! – I go to “another room” or I’m already there by the time he stumbles from the car to the door. Basically, I live in “another room”. What now?

Comment on Stop Arguing With an Alcoholic-Ways to end fighting by rocio

rocio — Fri, 18 May 2012 02:32:27 +0000

chloe, thank you for posting your story, it has given me a glimmer of hope. My husband is an alcoholic. He has not tried to fix this situation yet but i keep hoping and praying. I have never thought of it as boredom but this has shed new light on the subject.

Comment on Mother Fears Daughter May Die From Alcoholism by amy

amy — Thu, 17 May 2012 07:01:55 +0000

same here, my first time. I have a 27 year old son, who has a drinking problem. I have 3 boys who live with me, ages 27, 26,and 22. My oldest has the drinking problem. I thought this would be easy, but it’s not. I feel like a babysitter now, instead of mom. I love him to death but can’t stand him at the same time. Mothers day just passed, didn’t wish me a happy mothers day, instead was drunk the whole day. My other two boys, tell me to kick him out. What they don’t understand is that I’m still mom. He has had an accident, which lost his license and is on three years probation. He didn’t get the fact, he could have killed two people. He still drinks, the only day he doesn’t drink is the day before his probation. I can’t figure that one out, he tests clean. I have no clue, what to do. When he calls me his names, i’m a bitch, cunt and a slut, can’t figure that one out, been married since 1983. I argue with my husband i want to turn him in to probation, but he says no. So I feel now like that I’m not alone, I do hope your daughter finds her way. God bless you and your family, and the others who have posted.

Comment on Girlfriend Ending Relationship With An Alcoholic Boyfriend by Caitlyn

Caitlyn — Wed, 16 May 2012 23:58:49 +0000

Alcoholics must arrive to the place we wish them to be of their own accord. No amount of cajoling, threatening, half attempts at walking out on them will succeed. They are immune to that sort of behaviour in the sober ones of their lives. They have developed strategies for coping with their sober friends, lovers, wives, husbands, siblings, family in general or well meaning acquaintances. They lie, deny, reject or turn a blind eye to the truth that is their life. It is up to us, as the passive partner, family or friend to decide to do what is right for us and our loved ones and let them arrive to their own demise and continue as they are or take the plunge and do something sobering for themselves.

My point is live your life the way you want it and don’t try to mould the life and living of your alcoholic. If you can live with them and accept them have a great or greater love for their bottle then that could work but if you can’t or don’t like the ugly side to the bottle and what it brings out in them then walk away now and don’t go back until they meet what you expect in your life. It is possible to live with an alcoholic, but not an abusive one. So set the rules and don’t let them manipulate you or let them bend those rules and boundaries even a little bit. Stay firm with the boundaries.

Blessings to you all out there as you try to fathom the extent of alcoholism in your lives and may you make wise decisions for yourself and your nearest and dearest and I’m not talking about the alcoholic, more the kids involved. God give you all strength to chose wisely and live life as He intended – with love, compassion, understanding, strength and joy. Find your answer and your path in life and live as God intended for you to live.

Comment on Girlfriend Ending Relationship With An Alcoholic Boyfriend by Sally

Sally — Tue, 15 May 2012 21:05:09 +0000

@Danita, do NOT go back. How very convenient that he doesn’t remember. Been there, done that, heard that and listened to that sorry-a** excuse way too many times. As I told my ex- BF (left him 4 months ago today after 5 years of forgiving), it doesn’t matter that HE doesn’t remember. I have a perfect memory, and you, Danita, do too. You remember each and every hateful, mean, disgusting, nasty word he’s spewed and spat at you and you remember every emotion those words and actions made you feel. Of course he thinks you’re overreacting. In a drunk’s mind, if he doesn’t remember it, it couldn’t have happened, and besides, even if he did say/do that, he didn’t really mean it.

My child told me something years ago about my (now) ex-husband, who blithered the same sorry excuse. My child told me, “Drunks don’t lie, Mom. They can’t. Only when they’re drunk do they have the b*lls to say what they don’t have the guts to say when they’re sober.” As my child explained to me, a drunk, when sober, knows how much he or she stands to loose if they ever say what they really feel. Most drunks are very, very angry people inside. They hate themselves, try to drink it away and dump that hate on everyone in their lives. Only when they’re drunk and the filter is gone will they tell the truth about how they feel about us, and it’s not a pretty truth. We’re convenient. We make their lives easier. We keep the rest of a normal life together so they’re free to be drunks and not be responsible for anything. But, oh, when things aren’t run the way they think they should be, don’t they just bitch, whine, moan, groan and generally raise hell because we don’t do it the way they would. And, bottom line, they hate us because we’re strong enough to not be drunks and because we’re strong enough to do the right thing day in and day out.

Do yourself a huge favor, and now that you’re gone, stay gone. Drunks rarely change, and as long as they think there’s a chance to suck you back in, they’ll say anything. They lie like they breathe, without thinking, as long as the lies will let them continue their affair with the bottle. You’ll never come first, or even a close second, to the booze. Very few sane people are strong enough to live with a drunk. It’s too hard and it costs too much, in every sense of the word. You’ll be in my thoughts and my prayers for you are that you stay strong and stay gone.

Comment on Girlfriend Ending Relationship With An Alcoholic Boyfriend by Danita

Danita — Tue, 15 May 2012 18:53:53 +0000

I sure can relate to these posts. I agree with Denise. It gets harder each time to forgive and you lose something everytime they call you a name. I left my bf a month ago. He threatened to kill me when he was drunk. It was the first time he has threatened me with viloence. I thought there was no limit to my love and tolerance, but I found out that there IS. He claims he does not remember and thinks I am overreacting. We are seeking counceling, but I don’t know if I can or should go back. Certainly things must change for me to even consider it. And alcoholics don’t like change! We are not alone in this struggle. Good luck to all of you. Be strong and I will too.