Hope this helps. Think it all through.

The same rules apply for you in your situation with your alcoholic son as the rest of us dealing with alcoholic spouses. You can love your son but with detachment. Look on this site for the material and information regarding this. You can live with your son, but with new rules for your peace of mind. Set boundaries and don’t tolerate any bad behaviour or threats and don’t allow your son to burden you with negative emotions of guilt and the like. You can’t control whether he suicides or not. So let go of the idea you can. If he means it, he will find a way regardless. Let go of your guilt and the threat of possibilities. Cut your parent bond but not the love. Let your son know you love him but won’t put up with ANY bad behaviour that impinges on your family home and your wife or your lives and health.

Your son is a grown man, not necessarily grown up but an adult nevertheless. He has to deal with his choices – alcohol, where he is in life. It was not you or your wife that put him there. You have shown nothing but great love and support for him. He should be so grateful for this. Also perhaps consider altering the level of support – mostly financial, not the love – so you aren’t unwittingly enabling his alcoholic behaviour and mis-behaviour. Set firm boundaries for what is and isn’t acceptable to make all your lives better. Alcoholics do love having boundaries. They are a bit like children in that regard. If they know the boundary they will work toward the acceptable level. If they cross it they need to learn to deal with it like a young child needs to learn about boundary and consequence. It gives them focus in life on behaviour. Better to focus on behaviour and boundaries than trying to cause disruption to get attention. Reward them verbally with recognition for keeping to the boundaries set. Saying thanks for controlling your anger when you see they are brewing underneath is a reward of recognition for their control over their emotions. This is just one example so you can get what I’m trying to say. Setting boundaries will improve all your lives.

Encourage him to seek help for his alcoholic behaviour. Talk calmly with him about this when he is sober or soberish. Tell him he has a problem with alcohol and to think of the times and places of what alcohol and drinking has caused. Tell him you have observed his increasing agressiveness. Tell him you are not out to get him but help him with his problems. If voices or tempers become heated or raised, stop right there and say, “we’ll end this now and discuss it again after you give it some thought.” And end it with “we only have your welfare in mind. We love you son.” Showing and saying you love someone is a very powerful tool for your loved one. They mightn’t say anything to that in return, but they feel the power of your love and will think about it long after you have said it.

Also seek the assistance of your pastor from church if you are in a church, they can offer spiritual health and healing for you and your wife. Everything and anything discussed with your pastor is confidential and totally private. Seek a pastor out if you aren’t in a church group. Also, as others have said, Al Anon is priceless to get you on your path to recovery to lead a happy and healthy life.

God bless you and your wife.

you need to take yourself and your childen away for life from the no-gooder. He is going to weazle his way back in. Alcoholics are great manipulators and you won’t even realise it’s happening until it’s too late and you’re back to where you started with the begininning of this post here on this site. You’re going around in a circle while he is anywhere near you and your kids. It’s not a healthy environment for the kids or you. Take yourself away and please please please see the logic, sanity and reason for doing so and start afresh with your life. Someone new and deserving will pop in one day when you least expect it. But not him. He’s isn’t for you. He’s nothing but bad news. I can’t see him getting better for any reason or for anyone. Your two kids will have enough love and you can share your attention with them. Kids are fabulous for filling in the love void until that someone new, special and deserving steps in.

By the time you read this post, ask yourself, “have I done the full circle with my boyfriend?” I’m sure you know the answer. I’m hedging my bets that you are back to base one already. Only answer is to walk away and run the life and love you want elsewhere.

Holding you and your kids in my thoughts and prayers. Much love, C

I admire you for your courage. Brandie, that is very helpful…”he loves me as an addict loves someone.” When you feel unloved and disposable long enough, you begin to feel you are unloveable and despicable. That is the consequence of being in an alcoholic relationship. I have come to the grim realization that my alcoholic will never, ever quit. She will die with this disease, and she is taking me with her (maybe even faster). Have you ever heard how drunks don’t usually die in car accidents they cause, but the sober people do? Because the drunks are so relaxed, their bodies are less likely to be injured by the force of the impact. This “stumbling through life” approach is also evident in relationships…They stress us out, use us, bleed us dry, and are uninjured by any of it, because they are completely relaxed through it all. They do not care while we cry and stress. They sleep like babies while we twist, turn, and pace. They eat while we lose our appetites for days.