Alcoholic Mother Relapsed-Daughter Seeking Help

Guest Post by: Cherie
how to cope with alcoholic momI am writing because I am spinning, I need help. My mom has been an alcoholic my whole life, started when I was very young, I can remember pouring out her booze and replacing it with water and other things.

Two years ago she fell in the middle of the night and ended up being life-flighted to a hospital and they brought her back from death twice. She asked me to sell her home in Arizona and bring her here while laying in the hospital bed recovering from alcohol induced trauma. She suffered horribly, ending up getting C/Diff and could barely walk. She even had the “DT”s and imagined that she was flying around the hospital curing people with maple syrup and hung up on me when I didn’t believe her.

When I picked her up at the airport she told me she would really try not to drink anymore, sadly she started drinking again. I had suspected it the last few months and it sucks that I have these feelings that I know what I know, the instinct of anther’s drinking is HELL. She told me one week ago that she was so proud of herself that she went into a bar and sat down and had ONE drink, thanked the bartender and then left. I sure would love to meet that bar tender, tell her that her first drink ended the relationship and respect I had. She racked up 20,000 in medical bills that she did not pay and now went back to the bottle.

I am so upset, didn’t call her on Easter and plan not to EVER CALL HER AGAIN.

I have a husband and a ten year old that I am protecting, I don’t want them exposed to my mom’s antics. She is very, very mean and manipulative. Please help me to detach with love, please help me to be normal and to move on, I AM DESPERATE!

JC: Cherie, thanks for submitting your story. Here are a few articles that may help you cope with this situation:

Stop Obsessing Over An Alcoholic
Letting Go Of An Alcoholic
Understanding The Alcoholic Personality

 


11 comments to Alcoholic Mother Relapsed-Daughter Seeking Help

  • Cindy

    Cherie, let me first say that I’m sorry for what is a loss to you. I just can’t imagine how hard your life has been with the struggles to want a sober mom. The only advice that I know will work is prayer……You can’t do it for her and you need to have faith that God will help you through this. I will help you by praying for you and your family. Just remember that you are not alone, you have your husband, daughter and God.

  • Rick

    Cherie, I’m so sorry you are having to deal with this. For me, detachment was and is a process. First you have to detach, period. For me, it was with anger, pain and despair. Once you are detached and put some distance between you and the alcoholic, you can begin to be nice to yourself and nurse yourself back to being a serene person. As YOU begin to get better and your self begins to feel loved by yourself, you will slowly be able to feel some compassion for your mom. One thing that helped me was to separate the person from the ‘spirit’ of alcoholism. That is a very sad thing. But that spirit/disease, stole my wife away from me, and I couldn’t defend her from it. It convinced her it was The Answer. All lies. She is such a sweet person, but I can’t be close or I get hurt. It is a process but it will slowly get better. Talk to safe friends about it. Focus on loving yourself and your husband and son.

  • Paula

    Cherie, My sympathies for your torment. We believe, especially if we are moms that we can somehow heal or influence our loved ones alcoholics, by feeling the compassion for them and following their behavior etc… we can go through periods where we see their normalcy, and we convince ourselves they aren’t so bad….then they relapse or fall into a binge, and when we get stung again we are reminded that it is illness. I believe with hard work and never giving up the alcoholic can relearn the tools to deal with their issues, but trying to do it alone is like trying to be your own psychologist. It doesn’t work. I believe an alcoholic needs professional help. I don’t know if this helps, but maybe it takes the feeling of it being your responsibility away. You can’t fix her, she needs professional help. I’ll be think of you as I deal with my own loved one. Best wishes

  • Hello i know how you fell my wife soon to be ex wife is a small petite woman who has to have beers every nigh 6 to seven beers every day this is the main reason why we are getting a seperated she feels like she does not have a drinking problem we have three kids also i feel your pain about this she has taken the kids and moved 280 miles away and drinks in more now then ever she drives with the kids in the she car in that state of mind i know what you are going through i feel your pain.

  • katie

    hi

    When we are no longer able to change a situation we are challenged to change ourselves ..i have had to seperate from the man i wanted to live forever with because of his drinking . he stopped drinking for two years and it made very little difference i think the behaviour that goes with the addiction is hard to deal with unless the drinker wants to change their life ,,i am very aware i could get hooked back in so i have to mind myself or i would be back in there getting hurt all over again ,, thank you JC for this site it has helped me so much

  • Thank you so very much for your comments, help and suggestions, I am so overwhelmed with gratitude, I thought “Oh well probably nobody will respond,” boy was I wrong. THANK YOU FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY HEART, AND MY WHOLE HEART, LOVE, CHERIE

  • NancyQ

    If anyone is interested…Oprah Winfrey is airing Mariel Hemingway (granddaughter of Ernest Hemingway) doc. Running From Cray tonight at 8:00 on OWN station.

    It is about the alcoholism, abuse, suicide
    and mental illness that runs in her family.

  • NancyQ

    Running From Crazy. Was not what I thought it would be. I thought it would be full of knowledge and insight (like most of the things Oprah airs).

  • Jc

    Hi,
    I am just posting to ask if anyone has ever tried nux vomica as a homeopathic way to help with alcoholism? My boyfriend wants to quit drinking so I have been doing some research on different methods to help and am just curious if anyone has had any experience with this?
    Thanks

  • Julie21

    Jc i have not had experience but i know it is considered dangerous. WebMD states: “Nux vomica is UNSAFE. Taking nux vomica for more than a week, or in high amounts of 30 mg or more, can cause severe side effects. Some of these side effects include restlessness, anxiety, dizziness, neck and back stiffness, spasms of jaw and neck muscles, convulsions, seizures, breathing problems, liver failure, and death.”
    I have never heard of it for treatment of alcoholism. You may want to be careful using this.

  • Tricia

    Cherie: I hope things have settled down for you. I am an alcoholic mother of 2. I quit drinking for 20 years and then relapsed. Reason: doesn’t matter. My sons responses: (both military) They have moved on and are living their lives as they see fit. Lesson: Move on, Hon.. I know it’s hard, but, like my sons distancing themselves from me, it’s for the best. My alcoholism is not their problem.

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