What Does A Real Alcoholic Act Like

JC: Olga, thanks for submitting your questions about what does the true nature of someone addicted to alcohol look like. We have had many discussions on this site surrounding this very subject. In simple terms, if the person’s drinking habits are causing problems in your relationship and in their individual life, there’s a good chance you have a real alcoholic on your hands. I have included some links below your submission to articles on our site that will help you understand what a real problem drinker might act like.

 





Please feel free to leave a comment below.

Submitted by: Olga

Can you tell me the difference between a ‘problem drinker’ or alcohol abuser and an addict (alcoholic)? I am confused as to the difference. My husband shows some signs of having an addictive personality, lack of regard of consequences, risk taking (has driven drunk) and drinking alone etc… but at the same time, when I am around, he can respect limits. These upsetting incidents only seem to happen when I am at work as he has a day off (He can also respect limits for the sake of his work). I do not wish to underplay the seriousness of his issue as I am fully aware that either way he is playing Russian roulette with his life, but at the same time, how I deal with this issue? I will eagerly await your guidance…

JC: Olga, you will find a few answers to your questions about what does a real alcoholic look like here:

Personality Of An Alcoholic
Social Drinking and The Alcoholic


250 comments to What Does A Real Alcoholic Act Like

  • Dale

    Sorry guys, I just changed my settings on facebook so you guys can friend me. I didn’t realize I had it set as only friends of friends could send me a friend request…it’s all set now…Dale Hilchie Were

  • Kristi

    Just sent you my request Dale. šŸ™‚
    -Kristi

  • Pez

    Hello everyone. Had a busy weekend with a Hair Show for 2 days and a big black tie event for an animal shelter. Had a great time but am recouping! I am Phyllis Morgart on facebook and would love as many friends who would like to be!!!

  • Pez

    Yea Louis, cant find your page either. you may have to change your settings like Dale.

  • Lois

    well i went to court with my ex this Tues. and he won. i have to stay with my AH now. My youngest goes to a private christian college that’s tuition has gone past what i can afford for my half after her financial aid package is applies. i can’t afford $700 a month on a 4 month payment plan! i can’t afford that a month for one month, that is a house payment! the judge ruled i have to pay it, told me to get a good paying second job because if i don’t pay it i will go to jail. SO, i have to stay with my AH, not move into that cute little rental i found that i could afford and make the best of it. I will really need you all now. He’s being supportive, only drinking 3 beers a night this week and promised he would do that going forward. I’m not holding my breath but grateful for it as long as it lasts. he knows now i can’t afford to move out now and has been very supportive, not HA you can’t leave like i was afraid of. I hope it lasts. Maye he does really love me and what we started together enough to change his drinking habits? time will tell but if he does not i am comforted to know you all will be here to support me through it. have a good weekend everyone! Again, I’m Lois (make sure you don’t spell it Louis – that is a mans name not mine) Light-Beucler on fb when you search me out. ttyall later! šŸ™‚

  • Karen2

    Lois I’ve sent a friend request! Being able to see faces and a bit of the lives of our AF acquaintances is proving to be wonderful.

  • Pez

    Got everyone’s friends request but some of you don’t have your picture up–won’t mention any names now! Lois, did the judge know he is alcoholic and the situation you are in with him? That really sucks. I hope it all works out. Amazing the court system how unjust and unfair it can be.

    Well at least one of my dreams seems to be coming true. My salon is getting busier all the time and finaces are being eased. I have fought long and hard for this through the recession, it was rough. Had a vet clinic move in beside my salon which is helping plus I do groupons and have great reviews online šŸ˜€

  • Lois

    Pez, that is wonderful!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! what a great positive event in your life! i’m thrilled for you! šŸ™‚ I was not about to tell the judge my new husband of 4 months is an alcoholic as he rolled his eyes at me when i said i was moving. He was clearly on my husbands side and no matter what i said it was moked by my ex’s attorney and the judge would laugh! unreal how small town court can be – still in this day and age. i am miserable with my ex and want to leave – i have not felt this stuck in years. i went on a second job interview yesterday – i worked in the office i would be managing actually – i believe it was to see how the staff liked me in all sincerity. i would love to at least not work where my husband works. he passed out laying on my lap last night. his breath stinks of beer and its not as romantic as it sounds. not at all. šŸ™ how is everyone else’s week progressing?

  • Pez

    that is horrible Lois. Do you have no recourse? The judge is supposed to be unbiased since he is not in the situation. doesn’t sound like your lawyer is “on It”. Is there any way to request another judge, on bias? I would ask. You are never too old to have a better life!! What do you want?

  • Lois

    Well Pez, I can’t afford the $1500 retainer i was told my three different lawyers i spoke with – that i needed to get representation. i went alone. we used to go alone and the judge knows he was cronic in behind child support but now this youngest daughter is 21 and attending a college that is ivy league and although i am very proud of her i can’t afford the escelating tuition after her financial aid monies are applied. she is the jr. class president, goes to washington all the time to lobby and be part of summits as she is preparing for a job in politics there in washington. she is doing very well, does not party at all, attends the largest christian college in the world and her grades are great but still i can’t afford $700 a month for tuition no a 4 months payment plan each semester. the next semester is coming up and in addition to loosing %25 of my wages to the current semester i owe her dad for i will have to pay whatever my half of the next bottom line is. she is moving out into a little appartment that will help bring the cost down a lot actually but her classes and books are uncertain what they will cost so i can’t move out. its not abusive, not bad emotionally either but i am so darn independant that settling for his being sudated w/ pot and drunk by 8PM after we get home from work is lonly and discutsing to me and i am so frustrated much of the time i am home – friends say i should just buck up and leave, go live with my dad but i have a 26 year old little brother from my dads second marriage after our mom died as kids, that is a drunk living there. i would be more in control and comfortable where i am between the two. at least at this point. its always an option should i get angery enough i guess. he does not want my girls around for the holidays because he does not like how they treat me – he wants me to go hunting with him and to teach me how to shoot a deer. i don’t want to do that! i have to get along so i will, and go to my oldest daughters to see our grandkids when we get back that afternoon i guess. bums me because my youngest will be in from college and although we are strained right now because of her selfish ways in pursing me for college tution with her dad (my ex) and forcing me to stay where i am sure its hard but i love her and want to spend time with her at holidays. i don’t want to set him off but don’t want to not be able to have my girls out together for holidays when he is so new to the picture and should not be so controlling. its just a mess. sigh….they are my world, my children. i’ll see them but not out at my place. šŸ™

  • Ben

    Lois- I’m so sorry to hear that. It was probably from either facebook, or your husband may have googled your name. Once your name goes on the blog- it is out there for search engines to pick up. Besides not having a Facebook account, that is the reason I didn’t share my name- it’s not that I don’t want to connect with the people on here, but the fact that once my name is on here and my wife googles my name, she will see my posts, and there will be hell to pay. I don’t think there is anyone vindictive on this site, I think your husband found out by either googling your name or by looking on your computer. He may even have spyware on your computer. Either way, he is lying to you to cover his tracks while still confronting you. I am an MBA level technology consultant. Trust me on this.

  • Ben

    You can probably ask JC. You shouldn’t feel guilty. I’m sure he’s hurt. But ask yourself this- would this have happened if you were married to a sober person? He’s playing the “poor me” card. “Poor me, poor me, pour me another drink” I think you still need this support and that you should stay on. Refuse to back down on it. We would miss you, and it is not good for you personally to negotiate away your support. Think about that for a minute. Have a backbone. Be strong. Watch him bend. No man wants to lose his wife. You would be amazed what you stand to gain by standing your ground.

  • Pez

    Lois, I don’t see how that’s possible. I agree with Ben. How would someone get your husbands information???? Somehow he found it!! All he would have to do is see the AF emails and click on one. You are using your real first name! I would go in and change your posting name to something unrelated like mine–Pez is not my name!! I can assure you, he found this site by searching for it!!
    Beyond that you are telling the truth here and have nothing to be ashamed of!! He does. If he can’t face the truth of how he has hurt you, and they don’t want to–denial–maybe you should look at that. He doesn’t care!! Also you have never mentioned his name as most people here don’t we say XAB, or AH, ect… but no names.

  • Pez

    PS Lois, Remind him his name was not mentioned in the blogs!!! Nobody knows him, who he is, where he lives-etc…..He is playing the pity me card.

  • Pez

    Just looked too Lois and unfriended me on facebook. That makes me sad. There is no way in heaven or hell I would contact your husband!! I hope you keep us as support in the future. Peace.

  • Ben

    I think he made her delete her Facebook and LinkedIn accounts. She is obviously giving in to his demands. I’ve been there. Guilt is a very powerful tool for the alcoholic.

  • Julie21

    Lois I have to agree with Pez. Somehow he figured out you were on this site by looking at your history in your browser or by getting into your email. Change your name on here to something else and then keep in touch. He is trying to stop you from having any support. Don’t feel that you are hurting him. You are on here to help yourself and it is none of his business. It is just like when my daughter was a baby and i started to reach out for help. I attended one Alanon meeting and when my exah found out he blew up at me. threatened me that i better never go again and told me they would brainwash me against him. It was all about him and he turned the whole thing into how i was hurting him by going. Really? What about me and my peace of mind? That meant nothing to him. Well he won that battle and i lived with him for 20 years of agony. Don’t let this happen to you. And there is no way anyone on this site has contacted him. We do not use last names and you have never used his name so it is impossible for someone to figure it is you and then to notify him. Nope he had to spying or snooping and then figured it out from your computer or your emails. Take Pez’s advice and change your username here and don’t go away it will only help him to isolate you and stop you from making your life better.

  • Dale

    I have to agree with you guys, that he had to have gotten into her inbox on her computer…it’s not that hard to do if you leave it open šŸ™

  • Dale

    You are right…she is gone on facebook too unless he got in and suspended her page…well this really sucks it seems like she was doing well..sigh…

  • Lois

    Hi everyone!!! God love you!!! I don’t believe anyone here would betray these confidences, i don’t! I closed my fb account temporarily….didn’t delete it. I’m just deactivated. Just in case! There is nothing on fb that dis’s him but you never know how things may come across to a hurt person. I am respectful and if i have posted something like him leaving my furniture out on my porch when we were moving this weekend, to be stolen or damaged by weather, i took it down as soon as i had someone contact me to help me get it inside. Thank god i got that help. I am not moved into a getto but i am not in the country and not in a wealthy area – it was there for the picking and he didn’t care to even ask how i got it in when i sent him a pic on his phone that it was in! Sigh, i believe Ben is right…he goggled me and i was nieve enough to have used my name. HA! what a silly woman i can be. I would never talk anywhere else – publicly like this, about us and this issue. Certainly not on fb. I am learning as i go. When i’m done wiht this post i’ll change my screen name if i can figure it out. It will be obvious to you that its me…by my details. šŸ™‚ I’m sorry for freaking out….

  • Julie21

    lois, Glad to hear you are not giving up on the support here. We were all just concerned for your well being and did not take offense to anything you said. Hope to hear from you soon and that all is safe at home. Remember do not allow him to guilt you into anything. You have done nothing wrong by accepting some help here. God Bless!

  • Lois

    i wish he would stop the divorce and let us live apart and work on this a while before being so agressive with ending our marriage. If he bails on our committment to each other I will be DONE. Until then i am hopefull that our being seperated is hurtful to him as well as me and that missing me and us will motivate him to want to work together on our marriage.I’m not going to be demoted to girlfriend from wife, absolutly not. I am young (47) and attractive, pleasant, even happy when things are not falling apart like this, and meeting another man is very possible for me, one that is clean and sober and can honor our love with putting it first – above himself and i will do the same. We were so incredibally happy ….when he was clean. His moods, his expression of love, physical and verbal was constant, we adored each others company. When he started drinking more and more and then pot came into the picture it took him away from me longer and longer, in the yard, in the garage…tunnel vision and then he would come in and be sleepy and impatient with my stresses and problems and unable to even just be supportive and listen if I needed it. I was lonly and he said i became needy. I became needy when he withdrew from me and i got lonly! lol Vicious circle. Being in the country made it hard to be in the house alone. we were going to fix up the garage so i had a place to paint, I’m painting again for a hobby, and be near him with out actually bothering him while he tinkered in the garage building things and fixing things. I was excited to be with him this winter. we had allot of plans. i embaressed him at dinner with his buddy and his wife, angered that his buddy showed up drunk as a skunk himself – this is who he hunts with regularly by the way, and that alone pissed me off. I have to deal with my husband being drunk and he does not act like that drunk! I don’t want to be out in public with someone who is so clearly a mess that i don’t love! His buddy said something that pissed me off and somehow it turned into me saying things I SHOULD NOT HAVE to this buddy and his wife about how spoiled i was when i was dating as opposed to now, being married. I embaressed him and so he’s divorcing me. He has hurt my feelings, neglected me, made me feel selfish and weak w/ my kids and even left me alone all night one night to teach me a lesson and rolled in sick the next morning. I was so upset i missed a pre qualifying test for a transition to teaching program i was going for – to teach while he was retired in the next coupld years. He is 13 years older than me and it was our plan to be together as much as possible while he was retired and i worked another almost 20 years; summers off, two weeks at Christmas, Spring and Fall breaks….we wanted to travel – small trips and such. All up in smoke because i embarrassed him and said he did not give me enough. That was the straw for him, when i have stayed after being angery so many times. I told him when we got together i did not want a man that did drugs, pot, nothing and never thought to mention not wanting a drinker, I’ve never had one before! Thought something like that was obvious to a normal person. Now I’m demanding and can’t be made happy. His love, addoration, respect of my feelings and dreams and OUR dreams is all gone. He cares not. How can he divorce me when i want to try, living apart, for a year and see how it goes – as a couple. he won’t talk about staying married and working at it in any way, annulment/divorce is the be all end all and if we want to we can start over. NO WAY IN HELL will i start THIS over….they say the def. of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. I’m not insane. In love, yes, not insane. sigh…..can this just be over?

  • Bunny

    i can change it here…..ahhhhh. i can change it regularly. Interesting.

  • Biker Chick

    nice ….like the change

  • Santa's Helper

    Nice your back Lois! Whatever name your under….lol

  • Ben

    Omg….everyone is changing their names!!! Any recommendations for my new name? Bunny, glad you are back on….and yes, as your post says, you are very,very attractive woman. Maybe this is best and you should let him make his choices.

  • Bunny

    I never said…I am VERY VERY attractive, Ben!!! Blushing…seriously I am not that vein! LOL I am not as pretty as many and prettier than some. I get attention for some silly reason. I’m not skinny, not gorgeous, don’t get it really …but ok. Now I am embarrassed. lol
    Ben, I am letting him make his choices. He has chosen to rid himself of me. I am very in love with him…clearly or i would never after 10 years of being single and mastering dating to a comfortable art, moved to the country and chopped wood and tried to learn to shoot a gun and bow and arrow (I’m pretty girly) to be with him! I enjoy it all when we are laughing and happy and he is sober. I love being outside, working along side him…taking golf cart and truck rides through the dusk lit woods on his place.(depending on the time of year lol). I am clearly replaceable to him or we would not be here. so be it. i’m headed out there tonight to get some more things. I will get short of breath, a stomach ake, all because he’s always made me feel like a 16 year old girl in the presence of a cool 18 yr. old cute boy. C R A Z Y right! lol He lights me up inside when I make him smile. he will be about business. I still can’t believe this is really happening. Ben, are you out on your own yet or still with your AW?

  • Foghorn Leghorn

    I am no longer Ben. Since I am one of the few roosters on this blog of hens, I will now be known as…..Foghorn. :). I am still with her. But I saw a picture of you and him and you need to reread what you write: you are pretty (I say very pretty), caring, loving, SOBER, kind, committed, etc. I think if he chooses this, he is the one losing out. If you could step back and look at it that way, you would see what is evident to the rest of us. I am still bearing my cross, but we have a precious 4 year old princess, so that complicates things.

  • Santa's Helper

    yes it does Foghorn!!! i feel for you as i am sure Bunny does. I’m glad you find support here. This is nothing but a place to find others hurting and trying to survive loving an A. No disrespect is intended with anything shared here, its just venting in an anonymous place so we DON’T vent to someone we can’t trust that DOES know us – them and could hurt us with our own situations by simply gossiping. this place has kept me from discussing anger, hurt, disgust, silly googly love, with people who know my AH and would not understand how hard it really is and how much we wish we could not be in this situation with our loved one. Proud of you FL! I am sure Bunny appreciates your kind words to her and I hope she can see her own value on hew own – without his view of her at all.

  • Bunny

    This too shall pass. Time heals all wounds…is the truest phrase i have even experienced. I will sleep and wake, days will come and go and i will move further and further away from this very bewildering and empty place i’ve been in, missing my loved one. what is another grief year anyway? lol Its either laugh or cry and friends, i have cried enough to last me a lifetime. tty all soon!!! Hang in there everyone!

  • Pez

    Glad to see you back Bunny!!! The story sounds so similar to mine and others Bunny. They lure you in with their charm and whit, great memories, then when they think they’ve got you WHAM I’m an alcoholic or drug addict. I have the same memories of my XAB. It’s all an act. And, I too feel like I am in a dream world sometimes–Is this reality, did he really do that, I thought it was different, It’s just plain weird–the feeling of thinking you knew someone, but you didn’t. It’s called deception. They will show you who they really are then we must come out of our denial. I still have waking dreams, nightmares sometimes. I have to keep telling myself the truth but it does not come easy. I was deceived.

  • ned

    your stories touch me and give me strength. I don’t say much but I’m out here. do these a get the live they need? if they know they are always letting someone down?

  • Bunny

    I’ve let him go. we took our rings of today. since we’re divorcing and it’s in process and he wants our new marriage over, even though he’s clearly struggling w it all…it’s all my fault to, have I said that? I heard a song on the radio by Christina Agulara called say something…it’s me, EXACTLY how I feel. I have made my share of mistakes in all this, I know that; they were not because I was under any mind altering, behavior altering affects. we are both exhausted of it and ready to let US die. it hurts, like crazy, but I deserve true love and to come first and he has the freedom to not choose me, sobriety, change his friends…and he has. I’m moving on and letting him go. no more reaching out, no more requests to work on it while living apart…I’ve FINALLY given up on him.

  • Snowtime

    I’m getting paranoid now. I just changed my name on here. Right before Chanukah/Thanksgiving, I received an email from my XABF, wishing me a happy holiday. I have emailed him back briefly. I wonder if others in dealing with alcoholics, find that they have communication problems ? He does…if I have difficulty understanding what he is trying to say, and he thinks he’s clear…I imagine others do as well. In the latest email, he forwarded an email he sent a family member and at the end of the email low and behold, he gave them the serenity prayer. It would be amazing if he was actually going to AA, but I doubt it. He once said that people who go to AA are sheep. Actually, he’s the sheep if he follows the pack of of alcoholics in his family and friends. Just needed to vent, rough week.

    Thanks for listening.

  • Ned

    You vent! Venting welcome. No, i don’t think they realize they don’t communicate well, not nearly as well as they think they do in all their drunken wisdom. My A was at his/her best counseling me on my life when they were drunk. D R U N K……..need i say more?

  • Pez

    I’m so sorry Bunny! I know how much you wanted to see the effort on his part, to show you that you were the most important thing in his life. So did I. This is tragic, as it all is with an A. Bad decisions caused by being under the influence. What did he want? What all A’s want—acceptance. Accept me the way I am, a drunk, let me abuse you when I’m high and don’t you dare confront me on it, just take everything I dish out and say nothing, be happy, and treat me like the man I am. They are so deceived because this is not a man that loves a woman or anyone. He has shown you what is the most important thing in his life–his booze, his friends, himself comes first. I know it will be hard but cut all communication from him. If you can’t do it now you will in the future, believe me I know. It’s the only way.
    Same with you snowtime. They want to stay in contact with you so you are an option for them not the priority. I remember when My XAB jumped to the OW the 1st time I was devastated so tried to remain in contact, thought he may see his mistake. He even brought me a Christmas present and texted me. Unfortunately, I got drawn back in with him and he did the exact same thing AGAIN! Don’t let yourself get drawn back into his drama and f’d up mindset. If you can, Cut ALL ties. I’m sorry!

  • Foghorn Leghorn

    Hi Pez- I couldn’t agree more with what you say!! It is spot-on accurate. However, please mindful that alcoholic women are the same way. When you say “man” it conjures up bad feelings inside of me because of the gender inequality in alcholism. Women alcoholics are just as awful, if not more so. Just because they have a hole between their legs does not give them a free pass.

  • Pez

    Hey foghorn, I really did not mean it like that. I know A women are just as despicable!! Because I have seen them in my XAB’s friends!!!! I was just addressing the specific with the women dealing with a male A. Peace!!

  • Foghorn Leghorn

    I know šŸ™‚ – much love pez!!
    I am committed to going to al anon and getting a sponsor tonight. I have come to realize that I need someone who has lived this to be by my side as I navigate this situation. It is literally killing me.
    Bunny- you should be excited!! You will soon meet someone and have a LOVE relationship instead of a HATE relationship!!! A LOVE relationship instead of an ANGER relationship. Let him find someone else to treat as he treated you!!! Yeay!!! She could only be so lucky!!! Aren’t you jealous??? šŸ™‚
    Mine came home last night angry as hell because it snowed and started yelling at me the moment she walked in the door. She is angry that she was to work 30 hours a week, angry that they won’t change the hospitals rules and unions rules and give her 12 hour shifts so she could be home more days and stay drunk all day. She is angry it snowed, angry traffic was slow, angry the sky is blue, blah blah blah. Bunny, they don’t love us. I am an MBA, make over 200k per year, gave her a beautiful home in a place constantly ranked as #1 place to live in America, a gourmet kitchen with industrial appliances, a $50k SUV, and most importantly, a beautiful and precious 4 year old princess. Do you think that makes her pause for a moment and think she should perhaps treat me better so as not to risk losing everything? Obviously NOT! I know it hurts, but the only thing they love is alcohol. She came home yesterday to a husband that cleaned up her messes, cleaned the kitchen, did all the laundry, all the dishes, dropped off and picked up the baby from daycare, and worked 8 hours. Do you think she was grateful? Happy? Loving? Kind? Nope. She came home and complained about the driveway not being shoveled and how she had to walk through snow. Do you miss being treated like this?

  • Pez

    Foghorn (love the name!!), Please, do me a favor, Go to the “Empowered Recovery” site and order the 10 buck ebook. It addresses if children are better off in this situation or a broken home–it WILL challenge you! If you make that much money you could afford to take custody and hire a nanny. It will be nasty–if you decide now or in the future for the ugly word “divorce”. So, I know there is a lot to consider!!! She will probably try to take you to the cleaner so start your documentation NOW!! Time, dates, texts, video if you can get, voice recordings of balligerance, have it all ready in case you need it. I’m sorry, but I hope you look at if this is healthy for your little princess. Hugs.

    Debbie, I know you moved but hope to hear from you soon!!!

  • Foghorn Leghorn

    I’ve wondered if I could actually get custody. Olivia is very close to her mother and loves her, but that is a two edged sword, as she is largely ignored by her while she drinks. It can be argued that I am the sole caregiver to Olivia because of the daycare thing (she was arrested for showing up drunk to pick her up and now refuses to go back because THEY lack integrity lol). It’s a tough and scary thing, and I often struggle with the same things bunny does- why does it have to be this way, I wish it wasnt this way, etc.

  • Pez

    The most important thing is DOCUMENTATION!!! Document everything, every incident in a journal, get police records, all you can! Documentation from her employer on why she was fired, witneses. If you have enough and a good lawyer you will get custody. Even if your not considering divorce now get the documentation going!! and keep it going just in case. Protect yourself!!!!

  • Sojourner

    Foghorn, Plans for a male sponsor?
    I am your old bud that lives w my AH….
    Down in my soul I would love to offer you an ear, but cannot imagine how to deal w an AW, a nurse especially.
    I do know this, you are a good man, a good dad. (K2)

  • Foghorn Leghorn

    She wasnt fired. She takes a ton of time off, but is still an ICU nurse, as scary as that is.

  • Foghorn Leghorn

    K2!!!! I was wondering where you’ve been! Well, a hot blonde sponsor would be a welcome thing, but I am guessing that would be counter productive ;). How have you been?

  • Foghorn Leghorn

    If you need to find me on linked in my last name is Apple Yellow Victor more in next post…..

  • Foghorn Leghorn

    The last two letters are Apple Zebra. That should throw google off. šŸ™‚

  • Sojourner

    I’m good Foghorn! Just out here married and a single parent.lol
    I double D dare you to get a hot blond chick!
    Might do you good.

    Kidding aside, years ago when I drug my disabled, messed up carcass to that first Alanon meeting, I had no expectations. Only attended about 6 meetings as I recall. It was/is their publications that gave me the tools, through my own filter, that helped me navigate through my life. My children were my Northstar.

    I had no one as a sponsor, just the “girl” my parents raised.

    Foghorn Leghorn? Ah say…ah say…perfect choice.

  • Bunny

    we tried again and to no avail. i am crushed. i miss him so much. the idea of someone else makes my stomach turn, the taking off of my rings makes me weep, the idea we are really over makes me think i can live with things i can’t and its insane! i miss his face, his voice, his grin, his presence in the yard when i am busy in the house and i could go on and on. lovesick i think they call it. i am seeing someone for separation anxiety and counseling on my own issues that have contributed to our marital demise. he is not all to blame by a long shot. no matter what i am trying to support myself through this and that is all i can do. when does the fantasy end that he is going to call crying and want to do anything with me, to not loose each other as man and wife? what does it take to not want someone you love, faults and all, anymore? time i guess…miserable time. i’ll be alone this Christmas Eve, he proposed to me last Christmas eve- my kids will be over for a short bit and the rest of the evening i will be home weeping on my couch till i can fall asleep. can’t believe this is really my life! hope your all doing ok as Christmas approaches?

  • Pat

    Bunny – I felt the same way 17 years ago when my AH left me for another woman that came to our house with a gun. He said he loved her and wanted to be with her. I drove him to her house and then went to nearest mental health facility and sat in there waiting room until someone got there in the morning. He eventually married her and I saw them once when I was at a horse show when they came and sat with me!! Like we were old friends. Crazy stuff. Did not see him or hear from him for 17 years until recently he sent me a friend request on FB. Even though I am married again to another alcoholic I let him be friends. He sent me a message saying he was single and that I was the love of his life and he had gotten involved with the wrong people. Has cirosis and hep-c. Says he did not get it from drug use but from mosquito bite. Not sure if he was joking. Still in denial and living life on the surface. It was sad to have him say that and I just ignored it as I have learned words are easy. It is the action that backs it up that is difficult. Believe me when I say that the happiest time in my life was when I was single. Should never have married husband number 2. While I love him dearly when he is drunk he is very shaming and hurtful and I struggle to like myself and forgive myself for the mistakes I have made that have ruined my life. Now at my age I have some financial stability as long as I stay but at my age do not want to start over again. I try to live my life and be happy. I was excited today as I ordered some special stuff for my hair. When the UPS man delivered it he was drinking and he starting shaming me about how superficial I was being and that just the fact that he said he loved me should be enough. Asking me if there was someone else etc. Eventually said I made him sick and he did not want to be around me!! I am now struggling to regain my self respect and justify my actions to myself. He is sleeping in the bedroom now. I will happily sleep on the couch. I know in a few hours he will wake up and either not remember a thing or wake up and apologize and want me to forget it like it never happened. Every time he does this I lose a little love for him. Been with him 15 years now. He has gotten better but it has taken a toll on my body to never feel comfortable in my own home. Never feel like I can be myself. Have to wait on him hand and foot while running our business that he is now retired from. He stays up all night and sleeps all day. I am on call to do short order cooking and clean up all his messes that he makes all night. If you are out and have a way to support yourself and your family please take a hard look at the price of a relationship with an alcoholic.

Leave a Reply