Is It Wrong To Drink Around A Recovering Alcoholic

JC: Thanks DD for sharing from your heart. I am glad to hear your husband is sober. At what point does it become wrong to drink around your alcoholic husband by his standards (which seems to be a double standard)? I’m sure our readers will have many things to share with you in the comments section below. There’s a book called Why Does He Do That?: Inside the Minds of Angry and Controlling Menthat many of our readers have referred people to read. Perhaps you can gain some insight into what is happening in your  situation by reading it. It sounds to me like there are some real control issues going on in your relationship. You might enjoy reading: How Do Alcoholics Manipulate.

Please feel free to leave a comment below the article.

No Drinking AllowedGuest Post By: DD

I read “My Alcoholic Is Constantly Criticizing Me” and all the responses. My throat got tight and the tears started spilling. I could relate so deeply to all the feelings of confusion, self-doubt, frustration, being restricted… When it comes to being constantly criticized, it is so difficult to tell yourself that it’s HIS problem and just live your life the best you can without letting it drag you down. I have “embarrassed” him by the way I dress, the way I “dance in my chair” when I am enjoying music (I am not literally dancing, I just move my head or shoulders to the music sometimes) sometimes I eat too fast, “take over” conversations or smile at some one who is male. If dinner is not up to par it will be made known. He can’t just be gracious and appreciate that I make dinner every night.

We have been married for 13 years, together for 18 years. (Wow. 18 years. That just hit me now.) He has improved some over this time. He has been clean for more than 20 years, but I guess not completely sober.

Wife Drinking WineReading this blog was like a glass of cold water in my face. He blames me that we are drifting apart. You see, I am not an alcoholic. (co-dependent, yes.) But one of my favorite things in the world is red wine. He works in the alcohol industry and has brought me home wine our whole relationship. But if I have a third glass in an evening or at a party, he is livid. EVERYONE else can have whatever they want, but if I do the same thing, he’ll berate me and say “You make me uncomfortable when you drink. How could you put me in that position?” Meanwhile, he is often the one bringing the wine to the gathering and pouring for everyone as he tells them about that particular wine.

Am I wrong or bad that I like to enjoy it too? Sometimes, when I have to work late or I’ve had a rough week, I’ll come home to an opened bottle and a glass poured for me. But if I fall asleep while watching a movie on TV, I drink too much and it makes him uncomfortable. What the hell?

I just want to be allowed to be myself … Even if I do drink too much at a party (which does not mean I got drunk.) I embarrass him and make him uncomfortable. For argument’s sake, let’s say he’s 100% right and I am embarrassing. When he loses his temper or says something hurtful, how would he like to be treated? Why are his faults or mistakes or failures understandable and I’m just an embarrassment?

I work hard. We don’t have money to spare. I don’t go out with my friends or get my nails and hair done or buy expensive clothes. My enjoyment when I’m not working 40 hours or volunteering at church is going to a friend’s house and enjoying some wine and conversation and laughs. Should I not have that either? Seriously, am I wrong?

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4 comments to Is It Wrong To Drink Around A Recovering Alcoholic

  • Mike

    Absolutely you don’t.
    Even the bible recognizes how uncaring that is
    Romans 14:21 states that “It is better not to eat meat or drink wine or to do anything else that will cause your brother or sister to fall.”
    Be the good example to your friend.
    If we cannot deny ourselves our pleasure for just a little, how much of a friend are we?

  • Debbi

    DD:
    I can definitely see your husband is controlling and manipulating you and he should not be telling you that you are an embarrassment. But on the other hand I see you slipping down a slope–a pattern of wanting to drink. If your husband has been clean for 20 years why don’t you try the same? If he is trying to stay sober you should be grateful for that. Perhaps you could not drink at home or around him and save it for just when you are with your girlfriends. If he is trying to stay sober you should encourage him & help him but do not let him cross boundaries of putting you down to lower your self-esteem

  • RTM

    I have exactly the same problem…. He married me a knowing I like a glass of wine… But I have the exact same abuse! Embarrassing ,loud, on
    Y one who was drunk… Bug thing is I don’t…. I work hard ,I font go out, if he wants to play golf he will buy me wine then say I stink! U can’t have just one glass!!! WHY THE HE
    L SHOULD I I AM NOT AN ALCI ( well recovering!) I even get u can’t even go to my friends because I should not gave had kids if I want to go out!! Then well u can’t go and not drink wine… Grrr Inam with u Hun … I am peed off too.. Had enough to be honest

  • RTM

    I have never been an alcoholic… That part refered to my husbands state… I am not a recovering alcoholic I am trying to sort kids dinner and write at same time so excuse the spelling!

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