My Alcoholic Is Constantly Criticizing Me

woman wondering about an alcoholicThe following is a guest post from one of our readers who is involved with an alcoholic who is regularly criticizing her. As I read about his critical nature, I couldn’t help but reflect on what it was like when I was dealing with a verbally abusive alcoholic. The gradual change from being treated like the most wonderful person in the world to constantly being stepped on like a doormat was so subtle that I eventually found myself getting used to the verbal abuse and accepting the alcoholic’s unacceptable behavior as a way of life. My eyes weren’t really opened to how bad things were until a friend just point blank told me that I wasn’t being treated right and that I deserved better. After hearing that from him, I began to study about abusive relationships and realized that I was in fact being abused by an alcoholic.

Please feel free to leave a comment below the article.

Submitted By: Stacy
I have submitted a few stories about my alcoholic boyfriend. We have been together for almost 3 yrs. I love him so much and I DO NOT want to give up. And, for the most part, we have ironed out one of the worst issues he had, jealousy.

But his constant ridicule, criticism, cut downs of me, my horses, the way I deal with things, are taking their toll. He always says he is “just seeing what I am made of” or “teaching me a lesson”. I have been pretty strong, up to this point, telling myself that it is HIS problem not mine, but I am beginning to feel I am just not good enough for him.

He travels for his work with another guy and I just can’t help but feel its only a matter of time, and since he is very attractive, that he will look for the excitement and a woman who wont “embarrass” him in public by “staring at people” like he claims I do. He is not a bar type or a woman chaser, but he does catch a lot of eyes from the gals. He always says he is just gone to work and he does call me a lot while he is gone, but I feel like I am becoming nothing but something he can pick at.

He is very affectionate and I know he cares a lot for me, but this picking and negativity has got to stop or I need to learn how to handle it differently to get him to stop. His criticizing attitude is definitely worse towards the end of the day after several beers have been downed.

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62 comments to My Alcoholic Is Constantly Criticizing Me

  • Pez

    Linda, If you have to call a crisis hotline to talk to a counselor. One POSITIVE thing that we who have been involved with an alcoholic/addict is WE DO have an answer and it’s only one ALCOHOL ADDICTION! We know what the answer is ADDICTION! Some have had these things done to them by normal men without addictions. Can you imagine trying to figure that one out!

  • Sally

    Linda, you’re looking for truth from a man who isn’t interested in whether you get it or not. Drunks are first and foremost, liars. If they breathe, they lie. It goes with the territory of dealing with a drunk. You seriously need to look at the reasons why you want so desperately to hang onto this man. He knows you’re desperate, and he’s using that against you. Make a list of two columns. In one write down all the good times you’ve ever had with your drunk. In the other, write down each and every bad time you’ve had. When you’re finished, ask yourself why you want more of the same when it’s hurting you. Get to Al-anon, talk to a friend, find a therapist or counselor. You can’t untangle the jumble of your thoughts alone. You write about what you need from your drunk. Have you not figured out that a drunk could not care less what you want or how you feel? They don’t have emotions and feelings like normal people – the alcohol has permanently paralyzed them. Drunks are users and generally losers. You’ve got to get tough and stay tough to survive being in their orbit. Please find help to break free of the cycle of crazy-making that drunks generate. You deserve better. You’ll find plenty of friends here on this site. Please know that we care.

  • Deb

    I read about some of the internal pain from the departure of the ‘loved on’ from our life. Some of this is biology. It really is. See, Testosterone makes men have issues with anger. Flares the anger easy with that hormone. We also are impacted by our hormones but since most studies are done by men they haven’t really looked into it. As a woman who is older, I see myself in younger women. Estrogen makes for a ‘nesting’ instinct. Its not a joke. Its real. It means when you ‘have bonded’ to a man, your are hard wired to resist separating. Its just biology (seriously). It doesn’t seem obvious but as the estrogen tones down when you get older (as a woman) you see it clearly.

    If I remember back when I was younger, and the way it would ‘impact my heart’ each relationship, the best way to ‘counter’ the biology is this. First, you need to call your Higher Power to be your husband. Seriously. Ask Him to be a spiritual husband for you. Second, make a new best male friend as soon as you can. Doesn’t matter who it is as long as it has Testosterone. Find a man, any man, who you can bond to as a friend and do stuff with him. You can find them. Honestly, ladies, we don’t live in the 1940’s or 50’s. Way back Yonder there were wars that decimated the man population and women really had a hard time. Nowadays, honestly, they aren’t decimated in numbers. Plus, its ok for us to go down in age too, now we are allowed to hit on the young men which once used to be something only men can do. Just don’t elect one of them for the Stopover Man. The one to help you detach from The Estrogen Affect.

    You need to do something you never done before. A hobby or an interest that forces you to do something physical. Get a job at an appliance store or at a store with great cookware. On top of the part time work you can get ‘a discount’ on stuff we women love to buy. Make it part time and make it something you’ll have fun with. Or some hobby. And, absolutely have no interaction for him for at least two weeks at a time. If he has to speak to you make it two weeks in the future. And, between then and the time you speak to him ‘do mental exercises’ to put him out of your thoughts. Telling yourself ‘on such n such date’ you will think about him.

    Its for nesting purposes. Wait till your older and you will see it. ok

  • Deb

    Last. There is a Huge Number of Asian (Chinese men) who have no women. Its called the Asian problem. Right now there are like 6 million Asian (Chinese men) that have no Asian women to be their wives. Its such a problem that poor Asian women are being kidnapped to be wife to many men. Seriously, its sad. If you have some issues related to your self esteem. Honestly, if you are a girl, I think that is pretty much all that they need. There are some HOT ASIAN men in that number. Very handsome ones and they would be happy to have a 50 year old chick. Just so that they have a woman.

    If you have any issues, find an Asian man from China. Its actually said, you would be doing these poor lonely souls a service. These folks really and truly have a situation of a ‘dearth’ of wives. In a way, if you were ok with it, we women do have that option.

  • Pez

    How do you find these HOT Asian men? : )

  • These posts are so interesting and helpful. I ended my relationship three months ago and am having a really hard time getting over him. I have been busy, with my brother visiting and a friend and we took a trip away for a couple of days. I decided to try to start dating, just new friends right now and I am clear about that. I have two new male friends and I must say, it’s an ego boost. My esteem has been so shot down by my ex boyfriend. I don’t want to lead them on. My guard is up very high right now.

  • Linda

    Sally, We were not this way until the third party evolvement. I can’t have my husband back words say so but action tell the opposite. If they have no emotion how do I believe him tell me he had emotional affair with her. When all I see is anger from him. I can’t have him back. He’s still attach else were. I do need to get help understanding this disease. He has told so many lies he doesn’t know what is true any more. His brother did the same thing to his wife till he finely made his decision . this one has bragged to me about not ending 33 year marriage. I’m not making him look like the ass. Why can’t I do this end this bull sh. I’m living his option. He’s looking like Poor me! As he tells his web of lies. And trying to drive me crazy. So he can convince people I crazy….

  • linda

    Sally, He just sent text to my Phone, like everything is fine, can argue with me then acts like everything is fine. What the h ? Denial
    This is just sick. Is it the disease or is it the third party involvement? Marriage counseling only made this worse, he was just feeling me out to see what bothered me, and keeps doing it. Wasn’t interesting in saving are marriage. Disease or third party ?

  • Pez

    Linda, your are not listening to what we are telling you. You are “realing” in his games!!! Get to Alanon!! You need the support. IT IS THE ALCOHOL. If he is an alcoholic it is what DRIVES THEM! Their very existence! EVERYTHING AND I MEAN EVERYTHING revolves around continued drinking–AND keeping you under HIS control. This affair is doing what he wants! Upsetting you, hurting you, having you obsess about him. You can not allow it!!! or you will remain trapped in his web and in your own private HELL! You must break FREE!

  • Debbi

    Linda:
    Stop & do a 180 on him! Take care of YOU right now & keep distance from him right now. Everytime he sees you pulling away just a little he calls or text’s you. Pull away more & 180 him!

  • Connie

    I was sitting in my living room watching TV & I had this horrible feeling that something was wrong with my alcoholic/meth freak & I went into the back room & he was in there with a hooker/girlfriend while I was in the other room. It all started with little things like telling me I talk to slow & didn’t clean enough (I work & he doesn’t except on cars in the driveway to buy booze, dope & now I guess women). We have been married for 30 years. If I were younger, I would be outa here & may even be now if I could figure out how. He was clean & sober for 11 years & it was wonderful

  • I been with a man for 5 years now. I love him dearly but know deep down he has a problem with alcohol. He can be ver controlling and manipulative and blames everything on me. He says we will do one thing and I look forward to our plans the flowing day things change and everything we do revolves around what he wants to do. If I challenge his behaviour he withholds emotional stuff and won’t cuddle me. His children have noticed his behaviour and I have taken them out when he was irritable and angry after having drunk 6 pints in a afternoon and fell asleep. He tdlj me I hustled wanted to gain the hearts of his children and I took them without his permission. I didn’t we had the best time and I had become very fond of them. Everything we do is centred around pubs usually local ones he will pop out at any opportunity to a pub but when I challenge him I’m told to deal with it. I’m scared confused but can’t pull awAy and don’t know why my life seems like hell.

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