Guest Post By: Nombasa
Hi everyone,this feels more like a home to me now cause I talk to you about my experiences with my alcoholic boyfriend. I’m not sure if you still remember my previous post (Unhealthy Situation To Stay In With The Alcoholic), a 28 year lady who left her alcoholic boyfriend. I can’t even explain the way I am feeling now. I kinda feel like I was living for him and the minute I realized that it shocked me. I used to spend most of my time worrying about him and his whereabouts but now that he is out of my life I am struggling to build a new life. I am avoiding my friends and I avoid going out because when I go outside, I feel like the whole world is laughing at me. The loneliness that I’m feeling I can’t even explain it.
Nombassa: You are not alone in this world. And no one is laughing at you. The first thing you should do is make your life the number 1 priority. Spring is here get out of the house and enjoy it! There is a whole world out there for you to enjoy. You should find an outlet for yourself. Try Al-Anon and or a local support group. I tried living my life around my alcoholic girl friend. It does not work that way. You must live your life for YOU!. Put your well being first. Unless you have children. Then their well being comes first. May you have a blessed day. Bruce By the way how do you post on this site? All I know how do is reply with comments.
Bruce, I just sent you an email with details about your question. At the top of every page there’s a link “Submit Your Story.”
Nombasa:
I feel the same way as you. I felt when my divorce was final and he finally had to move out of the house that I would feel better but instead I think it’s grief with me setting in & maybe you also. I avoid going out because I don’t want to run into him (possibly with someone else now too), his friends or anyone right now. The few people I have talked to can’t understand why “I just can’t get past this”. I have one person left now who listens to me patiently. See if you can find just one person and “talk their ear off”. The best way to start feeling better is talking about it and posting or writing on websites like these where people understand those feelings better because they are going through it. I have pulled into a shell and then get mad at myself for still feeling depression, then I add to that & get jealous of ex because he stated right in with going out & dating (probably already had these women lined up ready for this though). But I tell myself, and hope this helps you also, to be kind to myself and everyone heals at a different pace and the longer the relationship was, the longer it takes to heal. Take your time and if being alone feels better then fine but when you feel that sense of loneliness coming please reach out to your one person you can talk to right away! I’m always here to listen as is everyone else too.
Nombasa: Just checking on you and your situation. I hope things have improved for you. You too Debbi! I’m doing my best to limit contact with AH. It is not easy showing tough love to her. On days like these I just don’t know what to do. Everybody have a blessed day.
Bruce: I’m hanging in there! Thanks for asking. Hoping you’re doing well–My prayers with everyone right now.
The pieces they chose to remember
Nombasa: while I haven’t read your previous post ‘(Unhealthy Situation To Stay In With The Alcoholic) I can already empathize with you bc I too feel that loneliness…a loneliness that I have allowed to feel for the past 10 years. The first year was all fun drunk games but it got out of hand when I realized the ex would open a can of beer at 7am while I got up to take my children to school. I wasn’t shocked but I was like, “oh wow it’s only 7am and he opens a can of beer!!!!” Wow! Anyways…fast forward 9 years and it’s still the same. NOTHING HAS CHANGED! I just learned to some what manage my irrational behaviors. For the past years, we both have been trying to let go of our toxic relationship but yet we keep feeding it. It’s a huge NFL game! I met him in 2002, today is Wednesday July 3rd 2013 at 10pm and I have been googling tons of stuff such as understanding the alcoholic mind, why I can’t let go, how to overcome sadness….all that stuff. I still have not made it to Alanon bc I know that once I do, then I’m being held responsible to come thru. So this is where I stand now and I only share this to let others know that THEY ARE NOT ALONE!!!! So here’s my situation: Tonight, As I write this, I sit in front of my ex-boyfriend’s house feeling sorry for myself bc I called him a loser alcoholic last Sunday…… This came after an arburst of his verbal slashing and he just kept and kept and kept digging at me with words until he finally said, “shut-up you’re drunk…..” That’s when I finally replied by saying” I’m not drunk but you are a loser alcoholic” Ha! Now mind you –but worse things have been said about each other — ((but just as I try to hold on to my last card, so does he.)) So even after I called him a loser alcoholic, the verbal fight ended there and he proceeded to fix me dinner. I ate and he went into his bedroom “to sleep” MY EGO waited and waited and waited and when I realized he had fallen fast asleep with no care in the world, I went outside and knocked on his bedroom window. He immediately woke up and opened the door and just grabbed my hand, laid me in the mat on the floor (bc he has no bed at his sister”s house) after I laid next to him, he took my clothes off and OH how wonderful it felt to have him penetrate me….. While the scent of sex was being spread around the room and he had me in extacy over and over again. He said, “is it ok if I fuck other girls” I simply replied, “yes baby you can.” After I repeatedly finished more than 6 times, he rolled over and fell asleep to wake up around 8am and have his way with me so he can complete his deal. He did so and I tried to fall back to sleep again before I heard him say, ” oh I (him) have to get up and drink bc that’s what I do…drink bc I’m am alcoholic.” Now, today after 10 years, his new song today is “I’m an alcoholic bc you told me I was!” And my song is, “yes, I’m sorry and apologize for hurting you! Wow. — I share this significant moment bc I am too stuck on holding on to such TOXIC relationship and I’m in all of the steps of the grieving cycle except for acceptance! I’m very angry at myself bc he reminds me of a foolish mistake I keep on making. So if you have found the will to move forward…PLEASE do so and know that u are not alone.
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