The Dance Of Alcoholism-Never Tango With The Alcoholic

Disco CatDo you react negatively to the actions of the substance abuser in your life? You can choose not to dance with them. Remove your energy from the situation and there will be no intellectual or emotional forces to keep the arguing or fighting in motion.

I have the option today to choose how and when I interact with the problem drinker in my life. Before I understood how to say “NO” to the substance abuser, I was always saying yes to the invitation to tango. In other words, the problem drinker would treat me poorly and I would instinctively react. When I stopped reacting to the addicts actions that’s when I quit doing the dance of alcoholism.

It wasn’t an easy or a quick process of learning how to change the daily steps I’d become so accustomed to while waltzing with the problem drinker. I had to master a new way of sashaying through life that didn’t involve engaging in the dysfunctional behaviors that I was often invited to participate in.

How did I stop doing the alcoholism dance?

  • I stopped reacting to every action that seemingly was directed toward me by the substance abuser. When I was blamed for things, I made a choice to replace the old “two step” moves with a few new ones. Rather than getting upset with being falsely accused, I learned how to let the insults spin off of me. Instead of joining in and dancing the rumba with the addict when they blamed me for things, I’d just say something like: “I’m sorry you feel that way” and then I’d sashay my way into another room.
  • I quit trying to control the problem drinker’s every move. When I decided to let the addict choose their own direction in life, instead of trying to lead them in the dance I thought they should be doing, I experienced a lot more serenity in my life. Instead of getting my toes stepped on all the time by the alcoholic, I was actually able to move more freely. There was less resistance in my life because I wasn’t holding on to someone who didn’t want to be held.

The fastest way to stop swing dancing with an addict is discovered through learning methods of detaching from the problem drinker. You can’t separate from your dysfunctional dancing partner of so many years without the help of an instructor who can teach you how to live your life in a different way. We have video tutorials that offer solutions for alcoholic relationships. We also have audio lessons that will teach you methods for coping with someone who is addicted to alcohol. The tutorials have condensed information in them that will teach you how to stop doing the same dance moves (“or” things over and over again), expecting different results.


3 comments to The Dance Of Alcoholism-Never Tango With The Alcoholic

  • Ross

    I like this.I don’t believe there is a one on here that I don’t find helpful/beneficial.
    My biggest problem is trying to remember it all.I cannot thank you enough JC for all that you
    do(and others who may be helping you with this site.)
    You’re a blessing!
    Ross

  • Debbi

    This one is so true & helpful. I did absolute no contact / no response while going through the divorce process. I would have been a raving lunatic if I had not refused to respond to every childish trick he pulled on me. Since divorce some things are still continuing so this article is now posted prominently on my refrigerator as a continuous reminder not to engage or dance with the A any more.

  • mace

    I am totally detaching today because I am just feed up.

    I had said this a month or so ago, when we took a break from each other. He had drained me both emotionally and financially. I am sick and tired of being sick and tired. I am also tired of the lies.

    Of course now he is being pleasant and at my every wish. I can’t take it anymore. I am also afraid a little, of him coming to finish work in the house and then get his things so I guess I will have to post messages everywhere so folks will know just in case something happens to me.

    Not sure how I ended up this way, but I’m done..

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