Submitted By: Joy
I’m new to this and not sure how to handle my alcoholic boyfriend when he drinks above and beyond to much. Afterwards, I go into another room and avoid him, but how do I react after he awakes from his pass-out drunken situation? Do I ignore the fact he lies and passes out or do I say something? Also, afterward the alcoholic ignores me for 3 to 4 days. He says he does this because he knows he was wrong. I repeatedly tell him how hurtful that is to ignore me after he is the one passing out from to much drinking. Do I ignore everything or talk to him. His drinking and passing out has become a routine. He knows it upsets me when he ignores me and he sometimes makes me feel like it’s my fault. I think he purposely does this so I will come crawling to him and then it makes him feel like what he did is okay. Mainly, am I suppose to act towards him when he passes out and ignores me? At this point, I do care! I just don/t know how to handle this situation. Any insight would be appreciated.
JC:Joy, get the lessons on how to cope with an alcoholic. You are involved in a very difficult relationship. The lessons we offer are packed with the necessary training you need to stay with this man.
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Ahh bless you
I know it’s a tough one but I just get up and do what I wZnt
Sometimes he mutters about me not holding him but I ignore it
Really I don’t say anything unless it upsets me
I say If you are so tired you fall asleep all evening there isn’t much point you coming over. That way you don’t bring up the drinking but you do tell him it’s not ok
It’s a bit like the slcahol is their parent or precious one …. Do you know that feeling when we can say what we like about our parents or kids but if anyone else does its not in unless it’s really positive. I’ve learnt to my cost that to bring up drinking, blame drinking for problems etc doesn’t work
I think it’s good to mention things that upset you and won’t work for you . Maybe in time he will see that those things coincide with his heavy drinking but then again it may never make a blind but of difference
We keep thinking and searching for a magical cure or a route to go down or a rehab just perfect for our boyfriend but we won’t cos they have to find it for themselves
I guess it’s just deciding if the relationship is improving or just getting worse ? Are you more worried about others view of him and exclude him from things ? Can you find a way to say to him that if he drinks and it’s his choice not yours then there are certain things you won’t be able to include him in. I made a big mistake of relaxing that rule to my cost recently so only make a rule you will stick to
I basically have discovered what I’m comfortable with and when it gets worse I back off.
Til now I’ve not minded him drinking in my car when I drive us about, pick him up etc and now it’s really ticking me off . Is there really nowhere that is free of slcahol ? I feel like shouting . I need to put this boundary down be ause I’m really tired of the cans he leaves in the car and the smell of cider everywhere
He won’t like it but we have to keep our lives how we need them to be and if you need to say something then say it but think how the talk will go and plan your answers cos they are mighty nifty at turning the talk into something else and it’s usually a critic of you do just be mindful of that . When I forget it I go right off course ….. Xxxx
HI Joy and other readers in the same situation…..
Your scenerio is all too familiar. The same thing used to happen to me and I felt totally abandoned, forgotten, and unimportant. And at the same time felt it was my fault.
There is no relationship there and probably never will be. How far into this relationship are you??
Things do not change and the drama associated with the A relationship will only escalte. He may lay low for a few days whether it be to recouperate from the hang over or has another relationship going on….be aware of this.
Remember, the A personality lies and the first mistake they make is when they open their mouths to speak.
When I would tell him the next day how I felt he could’ve cared less. His mind was on alcohol and where and when to get it. Or he would blame me.
This is a roller coaster ride and if the thrill of the ride excites you, then buckle up, because you are in for one hell of a ride. I would strongly suggest that you move on with your life. You can love him…but from a distance and keep him n your prayers.
Karen