Guest post by: Joy
I turned to this website for help,I was naive when I thought my live in boyfriend would slow down drinking. I believed and still do think he wants this relationship to work. I never realized an alcoholic would take advantage of a loving person.I now realize there are more problems than just the drinking when it come to alcoholics.
I’m in a catch 22, and confused about what to do. We share the household bills 50/50. But with my extra money I buy the groceries for us, and his son when he is over every weekend (child visitation from divorce), while he spends his money on beer and liquor, then tells me he is broke.
I need to eat so I buy the stuff along with household necessities.He has told me I have to buy it because I use the stuff, so he knows I will never go without food, toiletries,and laundry soap. So it is here for him to use. He is good when he controls how much he drinks, but it doesn’t change the fact, I feel taken advantage of; no matter what, he still won’t offer any money for anything except for 1/2 the actual bills, rent and utilities.
I cant/won’t move out because I paid the deposit to live here. I also bought all of the furniture, he promised to pay 1/2 of the expense, but never did. I asked him to leave, but he wont. We both rent here and I cant force him out.I can deal with a lot, but so confused on how to handle the food, and money situation. I feel like he is in control. He goes to work, comes home, he has dinner, clean clothes and has a few drinks. He has the best of both worlds. He never has to go to the store, shop or anything. He knows I have to do those things for myself anyway, then he has everything here for him. I’m trying to stop my enabling, but caught in a catch 22. I need some advice..Please!
JC: “Joy, thanks for sharing about your situation with your alcoholic boyfriend. Obviously, he isn’t willing to change. I agree, he is taking advantage of you. So, as hard as it is for me to say this, either change your attitude or change your address. I say this often, the alcoholic isn’t going to change until they hit bottom. So, we are the ones who must make the improvements to our lives. You could offer an ultimatum (Giving Alcoholics Ultimatums), just be prepared to follow through with it. Do you have the money to move? You shared that you asked him to move out; this suggest to me that this relationship isn’t important enough to hold on to. I suppose you could have him forced to move, but that’s an adversarial position to take. In the meantime of whatever is going to happen, find an Ala-non meeting and start participating regularly.”