Guest Post By: Therese
I was just wondering how one gets through a vacation with an alcoholic? When my hubby gets nasty and becomes verbally abusive and we’re home, I can do one of several things to remove myself from the situation. Heck, I can get in the car and go to the movies alone for some peace and quiet.
We have been together for seven years. I have never had a carefree and enjoyable vacation since. He doesn’t necessarily like to be around many people or strangers for that matter. His energy level is horrid and needs to take a nap every afternoon or else he turns into a Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde! We recently went to Las Vegas and I had the most horrible time. He wanted to control (Determined To Leave Mean Controlling Alcoholic) what we did every day. We could only see the shows he wanted, and eat only where he wanted. Finally, I put my foot down and told him he could go see any show he wanted and that I was going to see a show that I really wanted to see. Boy did I pay for it the next day.
He began his 2 hour litany of abusive names and insults. I felt I was being shot at with a riffle they were coming at me so quickly. I grabbed my purse and left the room spent the whole day alone. Every time we go anywhere, the same thing happens.
I could relate to the woman who wrote a couple weeks ago about how she was verbally abused on her own honeymoon. I went through the same thing. He complained about everything. I remember being completely tense the whole time. There was nothing even remotely relaxing about our honeymoon. Certainly, I didn’t want to be in the same room with him, let alone get intimate! After waiting years to be married, I only have horrid memories of my honeymoon.
Is anything normal with an alcoholic spouse? I wanted to jump a plane and come back home the next day. What do others go through when they go on vacation with an alcoholic? I hate the thought of having to take vacations alone. Instead of coming back to work nice and relaxed, I get back and I am always overly stressed. Fortunately, my husband is sober, but certainly his alcoholic characteristics are always there. Somehow he always manages to them in his suitcase when we vacation together! HELP!
JC: The only thing I can think of at this point is you might consider inviting another couple to join you next time. Vacations are always more enjoyable when there are others besides our spouses to do things with. The same tools apply wherever we are with all alcoholic relationships, detach with love, don’t be a door mat, set boundaries, avoid enabling and never argue with a drunk.