Article Submitted By: Debbie
I am approaching my divorce from my alcoholic husband on August 22nd and greatly in need of advice. In the disclosure process they have found out in addition to all the lies and cheating on me with escorts he has taken loans from his annuity and not reporting on our income tax over the last 15 years of our marriage. I believe he is also going to fight me for the house. He seems to be continuing to get checks from the annuity to “wipe it out”. It has been brought to my attorney’s attention, but I needed that money in there to swap him for it for the home.
Does anyone have any suggestions on how I should speak and act during the divorce negotiations so I do not disclose my anger at finding out about all the additional lies and things he hid from me? Do I just answer honestly in simple short responses? Do I ignore it when he blatantly lies which I’m sure he will.
I need all the support and suggestions I can get to help me through this next week.
Worst thing is though that after we are divorced we may still be in the same home because his name still on title. I am expecting him to start bringing his “drinking buddies” and maybe even escorts to the home while I still live there fighting for it. I need suggestions on how to continue my no contact until this is all done.
How can an alcoholic be so cunning & especially him as he has trouble reading due to dyslexia as well, but he’s been filling out and removing money for years. How do you deal with this?
Hoping for some help.
JC: Debbie, thanks for submitting your story. The best advice I can give you is to let your attorney handle things. Hopefully you have a divorce attorney that you can moderately trust, they should coach you on what to say and what not to say.
As for keeping emotions in check such as anger, it’s hardly possible to in this sort of situation. Our bodies are overridden with too many emotions to keep our attitudes in a self-controlled state all of the time. You are going to have to accept many things that you cannot change and ask God for the courage to change things that you can. Besides, it sound like there are good reasons for being angry.
Letting go of hurtful events usually requires forgiving the person who has wronged us. It can take years for people to reach that point of willingly forgiving someone. You may want to refer to this article: Forgiving An Alcoholic for a little encouragement.
Above all, go easy on yourself. Be gentle and kind to Debbie. You are going through one of the most difficult things in life, “divorce.” It’s even more challenging when you are ending a relationship with an alcoholic. Usually the insane behaviors of the alcoholic intensify greatly during this sort of situation. Stay closely connected in Al-anon and to God and things will be easier to deal with.