JC: Being in a relationship with anyone who is mean and controlling is difficult. Many of our reader’s articles have referenced wanting to leave the alcoholic that they feel stuck with. I have added information in various places below that will help you learn how to cope with an alcoholic.
Guest Post By: NM
This is about the 6th time in the last four years that I have been right where I am. Its so exhausting. My partner is at it again. I call him my partner because we have been together for 21 years and we never married. We have a 18 year old daughter and two children under the age of 4.
He recently lost his job. He’s been thru a few in the last few years. Mostly, he’s left jobs. This time his ego was bruised as the job he really liked let him go. Not directly having to do with his drinking but I’m sure it was part of it. He deals with people daily for at least 10 hours a day 6 days a week. He says he hates people and when he’s been drinking late he hates going to work in the morning.
He’s constantly mean to our daughter, he just makes rude comments when at one time she was the apple of his eye, his whole reason for living.
This is a very popular article that has been liked on Facebook many times by our readers: How To Live With An Angry Alcoholic. While you are in the decision making process this article has some good Advice For People In An Alcoholic Relationship. It troubles me that he is being mean to the children. Be sure to avoid Being Abused By An Alcoholic.
I’m constantly under fire. Why can’t I be more educated? Why can’t I have a better job? Why can’t I help him more financially. Why do I visit my mother so much? Why are my friends always texting me? I can’t seem to get anything right these days.
My older son is 4 he has begun to see the pattern and I’m really determined to leave this relationship and move on with my life. I’m only 35.
My father was an alcoholic and I’ve lived the alcoholic hell all my life. When I was the daughter of an alcoholic, I swore I would never put up with all of the craziness. I judged my mom. I hated them both at times. I decided to leave and start my own family.
I had a baby at age 16. 3 years later, I realized the man I started my family with also was a drinker. Unable to have any other children for 16 years, I thought I would be done with our relationship when our daughter turned 18. That is when my two sons came. My little miracles. I really thought this time I could do things differently. However, you can’t change a family alone. You have to have more than one active and willing participant. Thru it all, I still have doubts.
The father of my children is really bad some days and not so bad others. He says he hates that he feels the need to drink and he wishes he could stop and just be normal.
An alcoholic will get professional treatment if they are serious about quitting. Hopefully he will find his way into the rooms of AA soon. Unfortunately this will require some sort of crisis in his life to bring him to seeking help. It’s always a good idea to prepare for when an alcoholic hits bottom. Just remember that talk is cheap from the lips of the problem drinker, action is what really speaks the truth.
I asked for his family’s help, his dad called mean enabler and said I should probably help him and take care of him better than I have in the past. His mom said nothing. My mom says leave him, maybe once he’s alone he will find sobriety and he will be a better person, for himself and for my children. I still feel so guilty. I know we didn’t take the vows but I still feel obligated to uphold them. Better or for worse, sickness and in health. But my children should be the priority, so ill do what I have to do.. I just don’t know what that is…
Myself and participating readers here regularly recommend that people get involved with Al-anon. This is an organization that has helped me tremendously in learning how to handle any situation involving people who have controlling personalities. The organization is specifically tailored to help people learn how to cope with alcoholics, mean or not.