Girlfriend Ending Relationship With An Alcoholic Boyfriend

Guest post from: Constance

JC, Thank you so much for your wonderful videos and articles. I have been helped so much.

I am getting ready to gather my things and end it with my alcoholic boyfriend. When I met him, he told neighbors in front of me that he had stopped drinking – I was not interested in him, so I thought it was a very personal comment to be made in front of me and others.

Well, I dated him and he hid his drinking for months. Now, he is drinking and sleeping! He is retired, has two homes, and is drinking 24/7. Neighbors do not know this – his two grown kids do not seem to know, and I am tired of cleaning, covering for him, etc. He has spent the last 3 days drinking and sleeping while I am out gathering things for the houses and trying to keep my sanity!!

Your articles and videos have guided me so I can keep my self esteem and start over again.

Thank you


18 comments to Girlfriend Ending Relationship With An Alcoholic Boyfriend

  • Julie

    Constance, God Bless and stay strong. I too am grateful for all the advice and encouraagement this site has provided for me. It is because of finding this site and listening to the audio lessons that I have come as far as I have today in detaching and staying detached from the alcoholic. You are taking a big step by deciding to stop “covering for him”. Be careful as you can never be certain how the alcoholic will react to a change in you. You are doing the right things. Stay safe and you will be in my prayers.

  • Debbi

    Constance:
    Good for you! Like Julie said in her previous post “be careful as you can never be certain how the alcoholic will react to a change in you”. I am seeing such changes in my soon-to-be ex since I filed the divorce and where I never feared physical violence from him I am coming to believe it is possible because I have stopped covering for him and telling family & friends the truth. So keep yourself safe, have a plan because you never know how they will react. And above all–don’t back down, you are doing the right thing. Keep moving forward!

  • Sally

    Constance, God bless you. I, too, know what you’re going through. I left my drunk ex-boyfriend 4 months ago, after 5 years. There is a sad, indisputable truth to face, that all of us here on this board have had to face. Nothing, but NOTHING, means more to a drunk that the bottle. To them, we all come in way down their list of priorities. We aren’t crucial to their survival, only the alcohol is. As sad as it sounds, pictures of him passed out drunk will help keep it fresh in your mind, should you need a concrete reminder of what you don’t want in your life. Gather your things and make your plans to leave. You don’t have to rush, but don’t waver. Living with a drunk is literally agreeing to a threesome – him, the bottle and you. You’ll always be at the bottom of the pyramid. Always. What gave me the absolute resolve to leave was two things. First, I made myself imagine living as I had been for another year, 5 years or more. The second was making a list with two columns – one listing all the good times and one listing all the bad times. It was beyond lopsided. We are not meant to be doormats or emotional punching bags or crutches. A relationship should be of equals. Life with a drunk is anything but equal. Take care of yourself. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Walk away and never look back.

  • C

    Thank you so much for your comments. I deeply appreciate your posts. Never thought I would be in such a situation – he goes into a rage if he thinks I have or will tell anyone anything about him. I have been living with a fraud. No one seems to see it – he comes home after being out with our friends and goes to sleep!!. No one knows! He wakes up in his chair and gets another beer or drink no matter what time it is. How could anyone put that much liquid in their system – all day and night when awake? I drink iced tea or juice, but not all the time!

    Best wishes to everyone.

  • clpettit50

    I lived with an alcoholic bf for 3 years. He abused me after 6 months due do hi drinking. I kicked him out of my house. He threatened to kill me and my family when he was in jail. After getting out he came to my home and started calleing me names. I again made him leave but he wouldn’t, for the fear of my family I left with him and moved in with him at his moms to keep him away from my children (who despised him). We lived with his mom and the hitting continued. He asked me to marry him when he was drunk around 30 people I said yes for fear of what he might do if I said no. We moved into an apartment, he ahad an outstanding warrant against him and was put in jail for 4 months. Left me with the apartment and the rent hadn’t been paid the whole time we lived there so I had to deal with the landlord. I moved back to my house with my children for the 4 months he was gone. He called every day sometimes 3 adn four times a day afraid I would find someone else which I should have while he was gone but I was faithful and stood by him. When he got out things were fine for a few months and the drinking started again. We moved into a house and lived there for 1 year and the abuse kept on, after the last blow I had him put in jail and while he was there I got all of my things out and left him. I had a restraining order on him but he kept coming around.. Kept telling me he would slow down if I would marry him.. Told him to prove it but he never would. I got tired of the hitting, the name calling and the pleading. We finally completely broke up 2 months ago. since then he has moved in with a woman whom he had been seeing for months behind my back. She has threatened to kick him out if he doesnt straighten up. He has came to my house and tolde me he still loves me while he is living with her. Ii just brushed it off. since then he has lost his job I am told. I have not had any contact with him in going on 3 weeks. I hope I am finally rid of him Get out the relationship and never look back. You will be stronger and more happy if you do this.
    God Bless each and everyone of you who are dealing with the same situation. they never change.

  • C

    Thank you so much for your post. You sound very strong and smart. Sure hope you are very happy now living the life you deserve.

  • angie

    please help! my daughter and i moved in with my boyfriend who drinks all the time a little over a month ago. things were great the first month but now he has told me to move out to get out that he doesnt need me. i want to move out so bad and have no where to go until i can get enough money saved up. in the mean time how do i deal with a dr. jekylll and a mr hyde??? he blames me for everything, if i want to be intimate he calls me a whore i am scared and at a lost!

  • Denise

    Leaving my boyfriend has come to mind so many times. But, I am scared also of the violence he threatens when i mention I will break up with him. mother’s day was not the best one for me. He used my own thoughts of insecurity of the love of my family to almost make me loose them forever! I blew up at them and they forgave me again. It is coming to a point that I will loose my own parents and children and siblings if I don’t stand up to his munipulative ways. I am loosing more feeling for him everytime he emotionally hurts me and feel it is less likely i will forgive him each time he apologizes for whatever drama he makes. I had alot of hope at the beginnning of our relationship but I feel it slipping away. My family is so loving and caring. I do not want to hurt them in any way. I dont want them worrying about me and I want to make them proud. Today I am very stressed at the whole ordeal of yesterday. I dont want to face this man at the end of the day. maybe i wont. i will go for a walk and talk with friends and make my own plans for the evening. this will be a change, so i will be careful.

  • Sally

    @Angie, get on the phone and call a women’s shelter, the United Way, Catholic Social Services and any other agency you can find in your area. You don’t have to stay in such a bad situation. There are people out there who are willing to help you, but you have to start looking for them now. Your child doesn’t need or deserve to be in a bad situation because you made a lousy decision. Then, after you get out, get into therapy and find out why you thought it was a good idea to move in with a known drunk. Until you understand why, you’re likely to do the same thing again, and your child will suffer. Please let us know how you are. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

  • Sally

    @Denise, you have got to get out of this relationship, and stop letting his threats keep you from doing what you need to do to get out of the mess you’re in. See the advice I gave Angie. Get on the phone and find help with a place to stay away from him. If he’s threatening violence, you need to grow a backbone and leave now, not later. Ask yourself why you would choose to stay with such a monster over being with your family and children. Please take