Guest Post By: Luanne
Is there hope? Can an alcoholic change? If they do can a relationship be saved? My husband has been drinking for at least 10 years, but during the past 1 1/2 to 2 years in has been increasingly worse. He is an only child not very close to his parents until his father had a stroke a year ago and is in a nursing home. His mother is a prescription pain pill addict and is very physically handicapped. She will not cooperate with us on getting her help. This has put a great burden on his shoulders. He works very hard and travels a great bit of the time. When he is traveling he drinks heavily in his hotel room.
We talk before bed every night and sometimes he will pick a fight over nothing. I think he is just disgusted with everything and he is picking a fight with me to hide everything that bothers him.
We have 3 kids who are very active in sports and scouting. This takes up alot of the time every evening and with him out of town much of the time, it is hard for me to find a job that would allow me to work after I put the kids on the bus and be home before them.
This is our biggest fight. He resents me for not helping support our family. We are not financially hurting; he has a good salary. I miss working and being around people, but I have no one who can help with our kids. He makes me feel lazy and useless. Every fight no matter what it is over this is what he beings up. I love my husband and before the heavy (3 bottles of vodka a week that i know of) he is fun, loving and we did alot together.
He says he knows he has a problem and sometimes he says he wants to change. He does not drink thru the day and sees this problem but come evening he makes no effort to try and quit or even cut back. He stays up at night after I go to bed and then drinks very heavily. I feel like this is his way of turning me away. Like he would rather have his bottle than come to bed with me.
We have lost most of our friends because at get togethers he has to drink until he can’t walk. He has said that being around the friends he knows he drinks too much and we have been avoiding them. And they avoid inviting us. This is going to be a problem because we paid for a vacation with them.
Our only hope is that we have a new couple we have become friends with and he is a recovering alcoholic and does not drink at all. My husband enjoys doing things with this family. But they dont know how bad my husband drinks. My husband said he would like to do more with them because they dont drink. The “guys” are going camping this weekend and he knows there will be no drinking. We will see if he sneaks a bottle or tries. And if he tries what kind of mood will he return in?
JC: Thanks for submitting your story Luann. There are several articles that we have on our site that came to mind as I reviewed your submission that I feel will help you understand the nature of alcoholism a little better. I would like to ensure you that there is always hope for change. It’s common for us to think that the addicts resent us. Alcoholics blame others for their problems. It is also common for friends and family members of the alcoholic to be ignored by them. This is one of the personality traits of an alcoholic. These things are normal, so go easy on yourself.
I think you will also benefit from this article: Insanity Associated With Alcoholism.