Admin (JC):
Thanks for sharing your story. I am so sorry to hear that you and your marriage are suffering due to your husband’s drinking problem. I found great support and help when I started participating in the Al-anon program. Your story reveals many of the classic character attributes seen in people when alcoholism is present, lying, abuse, split personality and many others. I identified with your spouse’s alcoholism progressively getting worse. I’ve seen the same thing happen in many alcoholics through the years. As I read your story, it’s obvious that you are caught in the grip of this horrible disease and you too are getting progressively worse. There is hope though, it’s possible to overcome being angry with an alcoholic and learn how to enjoy your life while still living with them.Here are a few articles that may help you momentarily:
- Getting Abused By An Alcoholic
- Why Can’t Alcoholics Just Stop Drinking
- Personality Of The Problem Drinker
We generally have several readers who respond with experience, strength and hope in the comments section. I’m confident that they will have a few excellent suggestions.
Guest Post: Please feel free to leave comments below the article.
I met my second husband at the gym. He was tall, muscular, and in great shape. After our first few dates, he told me that he had to move back to his parents’ house for a year because he had crashed and burned by having had to travel so much for his previous job. He mentioned “drinking wine every night alone in his hotel room” but, at the time, it did not register as alcoholism because I had never really known an alcoholic. Anyway, fast forward, and we’ve been married now for four years. My husband is a really great guy when he’s at his best. He’s very intelligent, caring, attentive to me, a great cook, good handyman around the house, and an avid reader. He performs very well at his job and fixes a lot of problems making himself invaluable to his boss because he’s so intelligent and capable. He reads so much and knows so much that he often will fix issues or problems for me or my family (ie health, home repairs, advice, etc). He has backpacked around the world, followed the Grateful Dead around the US and Europe, and loves to have a good time….and a good time, unfortunately though, mostly includes drinking.
My wonderful, smart, and caring husband is now up to between two and four bottles of wine a day. During the week, he drinks two to three bottles of wine a night, and on the weekends it can get up to between three to five bottles per day. If it’s football season, than easily more towards four to five bottles by midnight. He starts guzzling around three in the afternoon. This has been getting progressively worse over the last two years in which he now hides it around the house, sneaks out to buy more, LIES, and has secret stashes he drinks when everyone is in bed. I calculated that he spends about $400-$500 per month on cheap red wine.
My wonderful, smart, and caring husband does not stay wonderful and sweet after the second bottle. He gets edgy and negative. He starts cussing at people on TV and proclaiming how much he hates this person or that person throwing the f-word or n- word (racial slur) around in every sentence. He becomes callous and insensitive to me and laughs or becomes sarcastic like a rebellious 13 year old if I get upset about something. He truly is Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. He is a bonified jackass when drunk and it is very unpleasant to endure. I usually just go to bed as early as possible to miss out on all the “fun” and then wake the next morning to a low grumpy bore.
There has been physical abuse a few times. The police have been to our house twice. He has hit, choked, and kicked me and thrown things. He threw an apple so hard at my leg a few weeks ago that it left a black bruise the size of a grapefruit on the back of my thigh. I do blow up every few months, though and go for blood hissing, “You pathetic weak loser of a man….drink you loser because you can’t go through life sober like strong winners do. You’re a weak pus%$^! ” I’m not justifying the physical abuse but I do fall into a seething rage every few months which is not safe to do when he is drunk.
From JC: I thought this would be a good place to share another post with you on How To Love An Alcoholic.
The alcohol is really hurting him. He looks TERRIBLE. He has gained so much weight that he looks pregnant. His nose is red and veiny. His skin is puffy and blotchy. He has a low sex drive. His neck is sagging and fatty so has severe sleep apnea. He has sickly blue bags under his eyes. He’s been in the emergency room twice with panic attacks this year. He had to have cataract surgery last year and I read that alcohol abuse can be a factor for early onset. He’s now having chronic and severe nosebleeds and alcohol is likely the culprit as well. His nose has big broken veins on it. Not a pretty picture. He’s often in a low level depression and irritable. It is a vicious cycle of drink, get depressed and anxious, and drink to relieve those feelings.
My husband SAYS he is ready to quit drinking but talk is cheap. He has said this four or five times before. I am in the process of detaching from him. I am starting to envision a new life possibly without him. I am looking at other men and wondering what they are like. I see strong, fit men jogging in our neighborhood and I admire them. I am working out more at the gym and buying myself new clothes. I am fantasizing about what it would be like to go to my beloved Paris and stroll through the streets with someone who is more interested in the city than gobbling down bottles of its wine. I imagine sipping a coffee with this person at midnight and then strolling back to our hotel hand in hand enjoying each other and the experience. I do not envision walking nervously behind my husband as he stumbles boobishly out of some café pestering me to let him buy one more bottle for the hotel room. I do not envision waiting impatiently for his groggy self to finally roll out of bed at noon so we can go do something. I do not envision me tossing and turning all night because his loud slobbering wino snoring is keeping me and others at the hotel awake. I do not picture making love to a wine-smelly bloated man with nasty breath in Paris. I do not picture myself having fun, romance, or making sweet memories with a pregnant looking depressed fat man with wine and food stains all over his shirt in Paris.
I don’t and I won’t. Mr. Hyde sucks big time.
I see them around all the time, these men, these joggers. I can tell. I bet they would rather have a coffee at midnight than suck back another bottle. I bet they would stroll hand in hand with me back to the hotel for a good night’s sleep or something even better rather than more booze. I bet they would. You know why? These men I see, I bet they would. I bet they would because, in the morning, they would want to be up early. They would want to be up early so they could jog in the beautiful morning sunlight of Paris.
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Julia, honey, please know that if you don’t give an inch, your ex- will eventually find another patsy to mooch off of and to push around. Drunks are invariably bullies. I have a question for you, and you’re going to have to put on your big girl pants and face this head on. Make a list of why you love him. Where in any of what you wrote is there any loving act? And why are you still in love with him? Or, you can do what I did. Make a list. On one side, list all the good times you had with him. On the other, list all the bad times. If your list is anything like mine, the bad times were a daily, if not hourly event. The good times were so few and far between. Drunks are sneaky, and crafty, and damn good actors and actresses. They fool most people some of the time, and some people all of the time. As for him phoning and texting and showing up at your place, you are the one in power, and you’re going to have to buck up, grow a backbone and realize that you’re the only person in charge of what happens to you. Don’t want him texting? Have his number blocked. Ditto him calling. He shows up? Let him know he is not welcome, that he is trespassing and you are calling the police. Do NOT open the door for this jerk. He’s a drunk, plain and simple. You are not and never were his first priority. Alcoholics aren’t capable of loving anything or anyone more than their bottle. Face it – you (and I and everyone on this board) are merely conveniences for the drunks who are in or were in our lives. It sucks that that’s the way it is, but the truth is the truth. You have to stop with the “why’s?” and get on with your life. A good place to start would be al-anon or therapy, so you can understand what about yourself allowed this to happen, and participated in your abuse. Drunks abuse everyone in their lives. No getting around that truth, either. Figure out what went wrong with you to stay with this drunk, and make sure you don’t relapse by finding some other emotional cripple to spend time with. I’m betting on you being strong enough to do this. You just have to decide that you’re worth the effort and that you deserve a good life. I left the drunk in my life mid-January, after 5 years of just what you described. Every day is so filled with joy now. Please stay in touch with us here. We care more than you know. My prayers are with you.
Hi Everyone, I too have not commented in a long, while but have been keeping up with the comments. Everyone here is such an inspiration and emotional support to me. I too have left an AH recently and we are now goign thru a troubled divorce in which he is playing games with the courts in order to avoid paying any child support. Funny how I noticed he has suddenly been working OT to the tune of 10-15 hours extra every week, but when he was living with me and his children he was calling off work without pay and drinking half his check away at the bar. Makes me frustrated that he is still not paying child support and the children and I are living off my small income as best we can. I know it takes time to force him to pay as he obviously is not willing to pay on his own. Funny how he claims in criminal court that he loves his children and wants them removed from the protection order. Well actions speak louder than words and he has lied so much in the past that I do not trust him anymore. We have been married for 20 years and life has been a roller coaster to say the least. He has been removed from the home since November and you would not believe the calmness that remains in his absence. But he was very abusive and finally after many attempts at rehab and counseling which he always promised in order to get me back the numerous times I had taken the children and left, I no longer even wish to mend things with him. Because my life and my children’s is so much happier without. As I read everyone’s stories I see my story in there too. My best advice to anyone who is struggling with a decision to leave while they can is definitely to get out. I will never get back the years I lived in pain and confusion and fear just wishing hoping and believing we could make things work out like we dreamed aloud when we were dating. I am moving on to a new chapter in my life and hearing how you all are or have done the same and how everyone has made it thru gives me inspiration. I believe God has it in His plans for my children to escape this cycle of alcoholism and abuse and we are on our way. Thanks to everyone here for all the supporting words that even when meant for someone else, have touched my heart and helped me to carry on.
Friends, Just to dot the i and cross the ts, I divorced from my wife yesterday. It was a very emotional situation for both of us, but the nightmare is over and I have to face a life alone, and have to go to all the bother of finding another relationship! That’s hard at my age.
I am meeting the ex-wife today to transfer the ownership of my truck back to me. She craftily put it in her name when we registered it! If it hadn’t been for that truck I would have been gone 8 months ago!!!
I did something you are not supposed to do. (Sorry JC!) I did a drive-by where my ex is now working as something was bothering me. I wanted to see with my own eyes, and I saw it! She says she wants to run a bar in a restaurant which her friend owns. Well, that is a receipt for disaster. An alcoholic running a bar!!! But, on top of that, I saw her sitting by herself opposite three guys in the bar who were basically ignoring her. But her body language was obvious. Sitting there like a spider faceing these guys, waiting for one of them to buy her a drink. Once one of them has done that she has got him!
So, she has gone back to her old life as a bar-girl! I’m really sorry for her. She is on the road to nowhere. I saw the backroom where she sleeps and it is the size of a toilet with bare breezblock walls and a cement floor! There is a tent arrangement in there with a bed and two pillows side by side, and a fan. It’s so sordid, and I think the room is being used for “Short Time” seasons. I think she is working as a prostitute. Even though I gave her a large settlement, I think she is still operating! It’s all about self hatered, an insatable desire to be loved and to Control! It’s really tragic, I can’t stop her and cannot get her away from that life. It’s a quick fix for all her problems, quick money and no strings attached.
She wants to buy a new car from Toyota, but I am very leary of this as I know, as an alcoholic, she will drink and drive although she promises she won’t, and end up wrapping that car around a tree or drive it into a river…there are canals all over the place here as it’s a rice growing country! She wants me to help pay for it by covering half the monthly payments. But I know she won’t generate enough money from her bar to cover the rest, so again she will fall back on to prostitution!
I will not make a fuss today and be all accusatory, but once I have the truck back registered in my name I’m going to walk away and move on! I will always be ready to help her if she is in the shit up to her neck, as is bound to happen. But, she wants me as a customer in her bar..to watch her flirt with every guy that goes in there and I don’t want thyt…who would?I know it will lead to trouble, so I’ll walk away, cut off all contact with her and let her descend into her own private hell of her own making. I’m not saying this out of vindictiveness, I have compassion on a fellow human being who has chosen the bottle and prostitution over a happy family life…she just can’t stop drinking and doesn’t want to. She will either be dead or hit rock bottom in six months. No two ways about it!
I will find a new relationship and start again. Although at my age it isn’t so easy any more! Thanks everyone for your support during this very difficult time and for giving me a forum to vent my pain and sadness. God bless you all. Be Strong!
James you are strong and need to stay strong. Do not give in to her and keep your plan to walk away. Don’t worry too much about a new relationship. You should feel free to take your time and heal before rushing into anything. But I have certainly seen many people have wonderful relationships after a bad one and even in their forties or fifties and even older starting over. So don’t lose heart. It is possible. Just take the time to breathe and feel without all the drama. That way when a new relationship comes along you can enjoy it and learn to trust anew while watching for the things you did not see last time. Seems we are all going thru difficult times but together we can be strong. God bless and take care. I wish you the best.
James, there’s one thing I know to be true, you will have a lot more peace in your life now, that is as long as you can keep a handle on the compulsions to “drive by”. My hope is that a loving relationship will effortlessly find you, someone who will appreciate and love you for who you are. I took a much needed long break to heal, after my divorce, before I entered into another relationship.
Thanks JC, I only did a drive-by one time and saw everything I wanted to see. I had to confirm my suspicions that she’s back to the Life. Up to her! I’m learning to mind my own business and get on with my life. She’s was a very manipulative person and I’m glad to be rid of the heartache. I know it will take a long time to heal, and I’m learning to move on. It’s hard but I’ll get there. I promise I won’t go rushing into anything too soon. Thank you for your comments based on your life experience, James
Does anyone watch the show Shameless on Showtime? It’s about a drunk dad and his drunk/drug addict wife who is on the scene and off the scene. They have a family of kids ranging from 20ish to 1 year old. When I watch that show and the actions of the addicts, with my wife sitting next to me, it highlights how she acts, and she laughs along saying things like “they’re so trashy!” “OMG, I cant believe they just did that” in complete amazement at the antics on the show, never stopping to realize she acts just like that. It’s like they’re totally obvlivious to their own actions. wow. If you haven’t watched that show, it gives you an outsider’s perspective to how we are treated.
Ben, Never stopping to realise her own actions sounds like you have a real manipulative personality on your hands. They are called covert aggresive personalities and it is the symptom of a person who never admits they are wrong and will go to any lenght to get what they want. It really boils down to your gut feelings to know how to deal with them. Manipulative people are very intelligent and therfore very hard to spot but their behavior is a sign of a very deeply disturbed person, so be careful. Just a hunch.
Entering Al-Anon at a low with substantial anger/resentment toward my qualifier(s), I learned that a big part of the Al-Anon program is putting the focus, gently, back on myself as I learned to detach (with love) from the behaviours of my qualifier(s)… this dis-ease does not live in a vacuum; we all play our parts
… let’s take our own inventories … after 3 1/2 years of working/practicing my own Recovery, I have more tolerance, compassion, and gratitude for my As … as well as myself …
To the admins: I recently saw that my posts can be found through the google search engine. I would like my posts removed because my ex routinely does google searches with all my emails no matter how old they are or were. Could you please remove my posts…to the rest of you I will get a new a email AGAIN, as this will be the third email ive had and see you all back on here. thank you to the admins. if you cant remove my posts can you at least remove my first name from the posts? I feel that if they arent removed she will have her new “friends” do something and I dont feel safe.
Well everyone, here’s a quick update on my situation. Let’s see…another slip up a week ago. We are hoping to sell our house, and got a good report from the loan officer at the bank about being able to qualify for the loan we want. So hubby asked me to pick up a bottle of wine to celebrate. Okay, now what I did was soooooooooo soooooooooo soooooooo stupid and weak willed. I got a bottle for us to share. Why? I guess deep down inside I no longer want to be the alcohol police. I think I just want to let go of the reins and see where it goes. I’m 38. Maybe I just want it to go where it will go SOONER rather than later. If I police for the next few years, maybe the drinking will again rear it’s head later. Who knows? I’m sure you are all getting bored with my ongoing story, and I am too. So we shared the bottle. Disaster. He snuck out, drank a good bit more while I was at one of my kids practices, and when I got home and he was passed out drunk. Same story…blah blah blah. This lovely night ended with me locked in my bedroom seething with rage….yeah, stupid because I bought it…..and him kicking the door down. Oh joy. Another night of wedded bliss.
The next day…same story….hugging, begging for forgiveness, promises, state of disbelief, panic, declaration of undying love, mortification…same old deal.
So we move on. What else can we do? We share bank accounts, a mortgage, a roof, car titles, insurance policies, a life together.
So now we have had one week of sobriety. Whoopee. Are the days of sobriety all bliss? No. Enter in the phenomenon of the ” dry drunk.”
Mopey, negative, chip on shoulder against world, pessimistic, and selfish…basically all the root reasons why the jackass started drinking in the first place.
Well, I’m pissed. Sick of this crap. I went around today looking at condos and apartments to buy. My plan now is to buy a small apartment for me and my kids, live way beneath my means for the next decade, and save, save, save, save money.
I will never be under the thumb of a man EVER again.
Chloe,
I don’t think anyone is sick of hearing your story. We all go through these cycles and these cost/benefit analyses in our heads. I went to one Al Anon meeting. The “leader” was a seventy four year old man that has been married to an alcoholic for forty years and been attending meetings the entire time. That’s all I needed to see. I’m not going to end up like that poor fool….at least that is what I tell myself. Then I see a beautiful woman with so much potential, a beautiful two year old girl that deserves a loving family, two good careers, good credit, retirement accounts, investments, nice homes, etc., and the decision is not so easy. Let me tell you my story related to this “cost/benefit” scenario, and maybe it will be easier for you to see:
It is easy to have what I call the “Baker’s Syndrome” where it seems that you have all the ingredients for a beautiful cake, but it never quite happens….because you are missing the oven! Alcoholism and its related problems are foundational in nature, meaning the lack of addiction is the oven, without which all the gourmet ingredients(credit), fancy baking dishes(income) and appliances(homes, vacations) are worthless. It’s easy to want normal things with these abnormal people, but what good would a beautiful house do? What problems would it solve? How much happiness would it bring? I look at my apartment and I see a freaking mess that I would never have lived in. I try to clean, but I cannot keep up with a slob of an alcoholic. When she is not working or shopping, she is sitting on the couch guzzling beers and watching television. I can make the apartment spotless by late afternoon and it is a complete trash bin by 11:00 p.m. Why? She lets the baby run loose and do whatever she wants as long as her beer drinking is not interrupted. So if I buy her a $450k house, how will that help my situation? Will she stop letting the baby eat on the carpet and destroy it by spilling food? Will I stop finding beer caps all over the house? Will she move the couches to vacuum underneath them? My mother would be appalled at the house this woman keeps, regardless of the fact that I do my best to keep it clean. Will I have a wife that will value our sex life and prioritize our intimacy and love life? Will she use the $400 worth of Victoria’s secret I bought her? Or will she tell her friends that “I’m just not into him” “With Dave it was completely different”. Or tell me about all the great sex she had with all the OTHER guys before me when she is drunk? I used to believe that, and believe it was me…then I realized that this is what alcoholics do. Fact is it was no different with any of the “other” guys, especially since I am better looking, far more successful, more educated, funnier, etc. than all of them…so what is the problem? The problem is her alcoholism, and all the above “examples” are of her deeply entrenched and well rehearsed denial system. It is her system to protect HER addiction over anything else…me, our marriage, our family, our child. Now I ask you….how would a bigger house help my situation? Seems like it would make me a bigger prisoner to her, doesn’t it? How is your situation any different? Don’t you deserve a husband that values you? One that is at his BEST when he is home with you? One that treats you BETTER than he treats strangers (the opposite is true for ALL alcoholics)? One that puts you and your relationship first ABOVE everything else?
And here is the part that gets me….any one of us, and society in general goes NUTS if a spouse cheats…at least when they cheat, they betray you for some fine poontang….maybe a physical connection, a psychological attraction, the touch of another person…..alcoholics betray us for a LIQUID!!!! A LIQUID!!!! That should make us ALL feel pretty stupid and LOW!
Cloe, you are taking all the responsibility for what happened and that’s not right. Please do not beat yourself up or be angry at yourself. It’s easy to understand that you were wanting to celebrate, so would I! Maybe it’s a classic case of denial for both of you. Maybe it was just simply you wanting to share moments of joy with your husband like most people would do and then later the sad realization that there’s a high price to pay when we ‘forget’ our reality with an alcoholic. I can really feel your regret as I read your note. Haven’t we all felt this as we work through the effects of life with an alcoholic? Please forgive yourself and him too because you both made a mistake. It’s difficult to work through all this and sometimes we fall. You did well to make a plan for what you will do next. You’ve done well in addressing the problems and making necessary changes and getting help for yourself. Begin again and put away the self-blame for it does us no good. When I reached out to my AH before my surgery it wasn’t long before I knew it was a big mistake and self blame started to set in but soon I decided to forgive myself because my emotions were running high and I felt I ‘needed’ his support, completely ‘forgetting’ the reality of his real behavior and lack of support for me and all the reasons why I left him in the first place. You can do this Cloe with God’s help. I applaud you for being a good mother and wanting the best for your precious children! You are a compassionate person and it shows in your heartfelt responses to us out here who are hurting from the abusiveness of alcoholism. I’m sending out love to you and big ((hugs)). God bless you! I’m cheering you on from Ohio in the good old USA and I’m sure others on here are pulling for you!
Well said, Ben. Your analogy says it in a nutshell!
Chloe, Diana is absolutely correct. You are not to blame and we all easily forget the reality of the disease.
Prayers sent out to everyone. Stay strong everyone. I too am goign thru my divorce right now and as he leaves the children and me financially strapped, he is still drinking away his paychecks and even bragging around our small town how he is picking up women at the bars. Then he sees me in court and tells me he loves me and wants to come back home. He actually said I should drop the divorce so he doesn’t lose “all his stuff”. Well I am not falling for it this time. It is extrememly difficult, but I am trying to stay strong.
Prayers and hugs to everyone no matter what your current situation with your alcolholic.
Well, thanks everyone. Ben, the larger nicer house won’t solve any problems. It will likely further just entangle me more with the guy. So much is coming out now. He has lied to me about many things. His mother has basically paid for more than I knew behind the scenes for many years. I think I basically married a spoiled rich kid with no coping abilities because mommy and daddy have always bailed him out and forked over cash when he needs it for houses, cars, furnishings, business, and spending money. His 400 pound sister said the mother ruined her because she made her life so easy by paying for everything instead of letting her sink or swim like the rest of us have to do. The girl used to spend thousands on makeup alone charged on mommy’s credit card.
His drinking is due in part to self medicating against the stark realities of big boy adult life in which he has limited coping skills. So when these drunks get sober, it ain’t a bed of roses because they still have ISSUES!!! Remember, drinking is not the problem for them, but their chosen SOLUTION to their problems.
Well, I’m biding my time here, and striking out on my own and shedding the shackles of matrimony are starting to look better and better. Maybe I will make it to Paris after all. And those neigh sayers who say I am superficial and silly to have that dream, well, we’ll see. It’s called LIFE and JOY, and I am reaching for it. I can live way beneath my means, save, and live life on my own terms instead of being stuck in this depressing life with someone who puts their own pleasure first. Looking better and
better!!
Diana,
How are you by the way? Are you recovering? How are your doing? please tell us! Hugs xxxx!
Dear Cloe and friends,
Thank you for asking about me:) I’m recovering and in the resting mode a lot because I tire so easily. Wednesday I go back to the surgeon and he will tell me the test results from the cancerous tumor that was removed and sent to mayo clinic. I am blessed by your concern and appreciate it so very much! I pray MUCH life and joy for you and that you get to Paris! There’s so many places I’d like to see especially those with white sandy beaches! Ohio is my home but the southern beaches are so good for my soul that craves peace and serenity. I think most of us need some good quiet time after the chaos of alcoholism that we’ve endured. ~~Julie~~ I pray for a good outcome of the divorce and your AH’s crazymaking antics in court are so similar to what my AH has said and done. The patterns with alcoholics are so similar…blame, brag, belittle etc. The alcoholics have chosen their path and we who want ‘life and joy’ and peace must choose our path…and be strong and determined! I know this is very difficult for you but I also know that we all can do hard things. I mean, living with an alcoholic is hard!!! So moving on from an alcoholic has to be easier!!! One day at a time with prayer to God for strength and wisdom is THE way to go. Just do the next right thing. Love your children. Spend time with healthy people who you enjoy and who treat you right. Let’s practice being a grateful and loving person. May God bless all of you:)
thanks Diana, Ohio is my home too.
I am glad to hear the surgery went well and I just know there will be good news form the Mayo Clinic soon. You are in my thoughts and prayers. Hang in there.
@Chloe, forgive yourself for being human and wishing for the best. It’s what we do – we screw up, shake it off and press on. As for your plan, I think it’s great. Imagine your life in 10 years when you’re 48. Can you see staying with your AH for another 10, 20 years or even longer? Please, don’t consider it as never being under a man’s thumb again. What it really is, in all our cases, is our giving the running of our lives into someone else’s keeping. It’s your life – live it as you want, by your rules as much as possible, and live the life you dream of. It’s possible, believe me it is. There is no situation so hopeless that a way can’t be found to change it. Granted, it may not be the solution any of us would choose in a perfect world, and it’s certainly never easy. Actually, it’s damn hard, but I think that’s part of the journey to being independent, strong and in control. Take charge of your life and let your AH sink or swim. Do NOT fall for that old “for the children” line. Ask anyone who’s grown up in an alcoholic household and you’ll find that not a single one escaped without major damage. We care and we want to hear how you’re doing. Stay strong and check in with us if you’re having a hard day or feeling drained by the fight. We’re here for you when you need us.
@Diana, I’m glad you’re resting and I know you’ve got to be feeling better without your ex- continually causing bother. Praying for good news for you from Mayo. Please let us know. You’re in my thoughts and prayers.
Sally, thank you so much for your sweet note. Yes life is better with him and his crazy making behavior far away from me. Your prayers and concern mean so much. Little did I know, several months ago when I was sent the link for this site that there would be such a great amount of support! I thank God for all of you and JC for all the positivity presented here. You all are in my prayers for a peaceful, joyful, loving life and I know that God will provide a way for you too as he has me. God bless,and I’ll be back here Wednesday with an update……I just realized something…..I am getting from you all what my AH cannot give me. Now that has to be from the Lord!!!! He truly does provide:) This is proof positive why this site, Al anon and reaching out for help is so very good!!! wow.
Diana, unlike all the AHs and others, we don’t want anything from you but want good things FOR you!
Well said Sally! @”we don’t want anything from you but want good things FOR you!” ~~~~ That kind of thinking should be the basis for marriages and friendships and if it’s not there we would do well to look elsewhere regardless of what our hearts or circumstances tell us.