Guest post: Heaven Minstries-Author of the featured book “How To Detach From An Alcoholic Spouse.”
It can be very difficult being married to an alcoholic, especially if the alcoholic is verbally abusive when they drink. Most alcoholics are. I was an abusive alcoholic and my husband used to record me when I got abusive with him. The next day he would make me listen to myself verbally abuse him. I was awful! He never once told me to stop verbally abusing him, instead he learned to detach from it.
Many frustrated spouses end up trying to control the alcoholic. They want to start telling the alcoholic how to behave. They want to tell the alcoholic to stop drinking. They want to make the alcoholic treat them better. They want promises from the alcoholic because they can’t take it anymore!
But in all honesty we’re only spinning our wheels. The wheels keep going round and round and we still haven’t managed to get the alcoholic to change! Why? It’s because the alcoholic cannot keep promises—they are addicted to alcohol. If they did not have a drinking problem then they would be able to keep their promises. When we expect the alcoholic to make promises we will be greatly disappointed. Don’t expect and you won’t end up being disappointed.
When disappointment sets in it makes our living environment even more difficult. Know that the alcoholic you live with will most certainly break almost every single promise they make to you just because that is how addiction works—they are under the influence of alcohol. When you tell an alcoholic to do something you may as well be talking to a brick wall. A bad as that seems, it’s the truth.
The ironic thing is the alcoholic may sincerely want to change—they may genuinely try to not treat you bad, but once that alcohol goes down their throat and into their blood stream, its like telling a snail to hurry up. Sadly, when the alcoholic realizes they can’t keep their promises, guilt sets in and they drink even more. Addiction is a funny thing; it has such a strong hold on the addict that it can’t be given up until the alcoholic is ready.
The best thing a loved one can do when living with an alcoholic is not to ask the alcoholic to make promises you know they can’t keep and don’t expect too much from the alcoholic. Don’t let your expectations get to high, you’ll only be let down. Instead learn to detach from the behaviors of the alcoholic and rescue you from the emotional roller coaster today! Here is a great video to help you to learn how to detach from the alcoholic with love.
Hevean Minsitries book available here:Detach From Alcoholic
How Do I Detach From An Alcoholic Spouse? This ebook is packed full of excellent information that will help you to break away from the addiction and to begin to live your life for YOU, plus help the alcoholic at the same time!
Do you want to help your spouse get sober? Then, stop trying to control every aspect of the addiction. Only when you stop trying to fix your spouse and take care of YOU can you be a valuable help to the alcoholic. Do you often feel like you are drowning with the alcoholic? Do you feel sad, panicky, depressed, stressed out, helpless, and emotionally and spiritually sick? Don’t go under with the alcoholic, swim quickly back to the shore! This eBook shows you what you need to do to rescue YOU from the traps of alcoholism! Detach From Alcoholic