These tips I am offering can be applied to your relationship with your boyfriend as well as with others who seem to have a drinking problem. The rules are the same when living with any alcoholic.
The first thing that you must realize is that he has his own life and you have yours. Even though you are deeply in love with him, you need to let him live his life. If he chooses to do that by being an alcoholic, well then that is his choice.
The sooner you can let go of his drinking problem-the better off you will be. An alcoholic always has to hit bottom on their own. There’s no amount of persuasion that will cause them to stop consuming alcohol. I honestly do not know of any ways to make an alcoholic quit drinking.
I need you to realize something right now, you do not have any control over his alcoholism. As angry as you my get at me with this next statement, it is the truth.
An alcoholic will always choose a drink before you!
Looking to your alcoholic boyfriend to fulfill your need to be loved is a dangerous place to be. He will let down, I can promise you that. You will always be second choice to his alcoholism.
If you don’t believe me, go attend a few AA meetings and see how many alcoholics destroyed relationships with others because of their poor choice to drink alcohol.
I heard it said once that going to a bank for a sandwich is the same as expecting to have your need for intimacy fulfilled by an alcoholic. They just don’t have it in them to give. You will not get a sandwich from your bank and an alcoholic boyfriend will not fulfill your need for intimacy
This is why I believe it is important for you to learn how to love yourself and discover the beauty of who you are on your own. If you base your self-worth on how your alcoholic boyfriend treats you-you are in for some huge disappointments.
The danger of having a relationship with anyone is becoming too effected by their opinions of us. Because alcoholics are not always in the right state of mind, they can often leave us emotionally, physically, intellectually and spiritually abandoned. If we remain strong in these areas regardless of how the alcoholic boyfriend we are living with treats us, we will be a happier person.
I am not saying in any way that you should allow then to treat you poorly. We have plenty of articles on this site about setting boundaries with an alcoholic.
So, when you are living with an alcoholic boyfriend, you can expect that you will not always be the first priority in their lives.
You are going to have to make sure that you have outstanding friendships outside your relationship with your boyfriend. I do highly suggest that they should be girlfriends. This will keep your integrity in check and help to guard against the possibility of jealousy entering into the relationship. If that happens, you will need to know how to handle an out of control alcoholic.
Never nag your boyfriend about his drinking problem. Don’t equate your happiness in any way to being related to his drinking problem. Happiness for you is an inside job. No one should ever be responsible for your happiness except you! Humans will always let us down, especially alcoholic boyfriends.
If you want someone to truly be happy to see you when you come home, who will not argue with you and very seldom disappoint you, trade your boyfriend in for a dog.
Men can be extremely difficult to get along with when they are not alcoholics. They are wired differently than you. When you are living with an alcoholic boyfriend, your relational problems are going to be at a very high level. It’s not his fault, it’s just the way things are when you choose to interact with any alcoholic.
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