How to Have a Happier Life With an Alcoholic or Not

The tips in the video below will work for every person who wants to have a happier life. Many people that I know are living with an alcoholic and are actually happy. You can achieve the same level of inner contentment by applying the ten tips in this great video I found on Youtube.


Focusing on Positives- Think about all of the positives in your life and try not to get all caught up in the negatives. They negative things will only get you down. Avoid thinking of all the things upsetting you. Try to get your brain focused on more upbeat things. You will start to feel happier by doing this step. I guarantee it! Making a list of things you are grateful for today is a good place to start.

Take Time Out- Have a pit stop in life every now and then. Take a short break and do something that you really enjoy. Try to think about what makes you happy. Reflect on what you are doing in your life. Spend a little time in the park or in a rose garden. Perhaps a sunset or early morning sunrise would do you some good. Go shopping or to the movies. Just do something for only “you” to enjoy for a little while.

Having Goals- It’s very important to have goals in life. It’s a must for us to have some sense of purpose. Making a list with short-term goals for the day a can help you, if you stick to the list. Add to it longer term desired accomplishments that you would like to see fulfilled.

Friends and Family- Make time for friends and family. I cannot express the importance of this enough. I worked in a hospital once caring for elderly people. One of the things I noticed was the pictures on the walls of their rooms were of friends and family, not cars or images of their houses. They did not have diplomas, trophies, plaques or certificates of their achievements hung up either. Just photos of the people in their lives that were dear to their hearts.

Having right relationships and connecting with others is the most significant part of being happy. Make sure you spend time with the people you Cherish in life, even if they are alcoholics. If you are being abused by an alcoholic you probably don’t cherish them very much.  Use wisdom with this suggestion.

Music-When you are feeling down, put some music on that will lift your spirits up. Music colors the world with brighter, better colors. It’s also great to exercise to.

Nature and Animals-Spend time away from home and just enjoy the sound of the birds and the natural beauty of the world we live in. Take time out to just relax and enjoy what God has provided for us on this earth. We live in such a fast-paced world. It always does us some good to just chill out and enjoy the moment for a change.

Exercise-It’s not one of my favorites, but a necessary evil. Exercise creates endorphins that make your body feel better. It’s a great way to relieve stress and make you feel lighter, more energized and happier.

Love Yourself- If you like yourself it will be reflected in your body language. When you are around people and they recognize that you like yourself, other people will like you as well. It’s like your internal mirror becomes your external mirror. People will treat you in relation to how you love yourself. Be your own best friend. You’ve got to like yourself. Live with what you’ve got and make the best of what you’ve have.

You can love yourself even if an alcoholic is constantly putting you down. The way to do this is by realizing that what they are saying about you is not true, PERIOD! Try to quit “reacting” in defense of your character and just enjoy the peace of knowing who you really are even if they say you are something different.

Think about all the positives about yourself and harbor your strengths. Don’t think about the negatives because that’s just counter productive. It’s not going to get you anywhere. When you have confidence in you, others will have confidence in you, trust me on this one.

Give to Others-Take time out to do something that is focused away from yourself. This can get you to view your own life in the proper perspective. It makes you feel good about your life when you are kind to others. You will also have more appreciation for what you have when you see how others are in much more difficult situations than you. Life could always be worse.

Strong Values and Ethics-Know what you hate and what you love. What is it that you believe in. Stick to your principles and don’t be flexible on some things. You have to be flexible when interacting with others, but know who you are and what you stand for. Act with integrity, maintain your dignity and be a good person. You will feel good about yourself when you look in the mirror knowing that you lived your life by doing the next right thing in relation to what your values and ethics are.

Living with an alcoholic is too much for most of us. It’s difficult, but I promise, you can start enjoying a much better life. You can do this even if they are still drinking or not.

If you have some things that you do in order to have a happier life, please share your experiences with us by leaving a comment.


62 comments to How to Have a Happier Life With an Alcoholic or Not

  • Ellyn

    Why am I so afraid to tell him to leave now instead of waiting until October 1st?
    Why can’t I just let go?
    Why do I keep blaming myself?
    Why does this hurt so badly?

  • Debbi

    Oh Ellyn, your statement just jumped out at me–“He came to bed at 4am this morning, affectionately rubbed my head and said, this is a shame. I love you so much but I can’t take it anymore.” When you have feelings for someone you probably can’t see that statement as objectively as someone else, so here goes–he came to bed at 4AM (was he out drinking?), He touches you (manipulation) and tells you he loves you (manipulation–if he loved you he would not have done the first 2 things) and then the wham! (he can’t take it any more–putting the blame on you). Your response should have been “me too, I can’t take this anymore either”. It is so hard honey–been there. You are not ready to leave him yet because your love is still clouding your thinking, but you cannot stop him from moving out or drinking–show him a strong woman, one that can live without him–no man, A or not wants a clinging woman. I don’t mean to be harsh but “fake it till you make it”. You need to pull back from him–less talking to him even if you need to leave the room to stop hearing the hurt he is doing by blaming you. Saying nothing back to him is better. Get support–someone you can call anytime of the day or night and will listen to you. Show him the beautiful strong woman you are and any man would be happy to snatch you up–keep that in your mind & get to support groups and counselors. You do not need to sit there and take such comments. You can do this!

  • Ellyn

    Thanks, Debbi.
    This is the hardest thing I have ever dealt with.
    When he came to bed at 4am, he had been drinking but it was in the house.
    He goes in our finished basement every night and smokes and drinks while on the computer.
    You weren’t being harsh. I do need to do something, but I’m so scared.
    I’m trying to take it day by day as my mind wanders to his birthday and our anniversary in October, Christmas, my birthday in January, our daughter’s birthday in March.
    I keep blaming myself for not changing, for saying that I could not change (being messy and a hoarder), for telling he was miserable and didn’t care about me.
    I said I will change and he said that I always say that and then revert back to the old ways.
    My sister asked me to think about when we fight-only when he’s been drinking.
    When will I stop blaming myself?

  • Debbi

    Ellyn:
    You are blaming yourself for not changing–has he tried to change for you? Has he tried to stop drinking or other habits that are causing a problem in your relationship? 50/50 blame in any relationship until one is addicted to a substance and using manipulation and blaming the other for all of the problems. Think about that–there are 2 of you so at most take some blame for not changing but are you drinking? making nasty comments to him? threatening to leave all the time? Hard as it is–keep telling yourself how anybody would be proud to have you as their significant other and start focusing on you. When the recurring thoughts come in–snap a rubber band on your arm, get up and go complete one item from your list. You really need someone to talk to, do you have a close friend or family member that lives nearby, please reach out and tell what is going on and ask for their support so you can call them when you get upset. You can do this. You mentioned clutter & hoarding, look around for support groups for that and Al Anon as well. Hang in there sweetie–you’re special, you’ll get through this no matter how it ends. Imagine yourself as a princess and a princess is not to be summoned and a princess keeps herself and her surroundings beautiful. Not sure where you live but take a walk soon, pick some lovely wildflowers to bring home & tell yourself from this point on, you will do whatever needs done with dignity. You are worth fighting for you.

  • Ellyn

    Thanks again, Debbi.

    I’m so glad to have support from people online (yay for technology!) and surrounding me. Tons of friends have been there to listen.
    Fear is what’s stopping me from kicking him out.

    I like the rubberband idea-I just put one on.

    Thank you so much.

  • Ellyn

    I’m having trouble detaching. I recently cried for 2 weeks straight then got angry after my AH picked a fight at 2am on a work night.
    Now I feel sad again. I don’t want it to end. I texted him today saying that I loved him and got no response.
    Has he stopped loving me? I ask myself. Is he trying to detach? (he said that he was moving out Oct. 1st during a fight but hasn’t mentioned anything since).
    He still sleeps in the same bed as I do. I’m just really confused.

  • Rachael

    As I am reading this blog, I can relate to EVERYTHING!! Been in a relationship with my A for a little over a year now. His behaviors are much like the ones that you guys are describing. Our biggest thing, hes divorced, has kids…has been mostly single since his divorce, and has been able to isolate and drink on the weekends when his boys come over. Since I am in the picture….when ever the ex wife is upset, or the kids are struggling, or my A feels unhappy ect…its all because of ME!!! “he isnt sure he can do this, or its to much for the kids…ect.” Honestly, I have become completely co dependant with this man. We dont live together anymore, but I still cook and clean and do laundry and pay bills, and grocery shop….I CANT DETATCH FROM HIM!! He completely takes me for granted..but I allow it..HELP!! And, I worry soo omuch about him.. Drinks amounts that would kill most everyone else….HELP

  • Oldwomen

    Rachael,
    I give you credit,for,trying, There is,a reason his first wife divorced him..Keep,reading as much as you can about this subject…JC’s has so much great information , find a alanon meeting to go. You do not need any ones approval! Do it for yourself! Also sounds like you are caught up in the middle of the unfinished business of your husbands last marriage.DDETACH ING from that …?As well DONT be there scape goat.
    You sound like a very loving smart person….take care of yourself first….Wish this grand,a could give you a big hug…….you are on the right path my dear….KEEP,COMING HERE SHARING YOUR THOUGHTS…AND READ ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING ABOUT DETACHING ….you Are worth it!!!!!!

  • sylvia

    I am dealing with a significant other who has been sober almost a year and I am raising my five year old granddaughter . I have been with him for seven years and been through alot with his drinking problem with him.He keeps blaming me that I am not doing enough and if I don’t change he’s gong to leave me . I am starting to believe that I am not doing enough. I work a full time job while he does not work but he does stay home so I can work nights. So just wanted some feed back on if it’s me or if its due to him not drinking

  • terry

    This year for thanksgiving I’m spending with my family. He was suppose to spend it with his. Now he’s trying to make me feel guility for doing this. His family has blamed me for everything and I’m not allowed in their home. I don’t want to ruin my plans but I don’t want to babysit either. Watching every move he makes to not sneak a drink. Making sure he is behaving. I feel guility but I don’t want him with me. Any suggestions .

  • Thanks for the information it’s been a great help

  • Mj

    Tough to address this but here I go…every Saturday it’s like clockwork. He begins happy…by mid day…he becomes angry, mean and won’t let anyone talk. We all go to our rooms until he falls asleep. The next day he wakes up and remembers nothing!!

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