An Honest Look at The Secrets of Our Dysfunctional Life


Have you taken an honest look at whether you are happy or not? If I look at the secrets of my life in relation to interacting with an alcoholic, I find that I’m not happy about many things. There’s always fighting, arguing, blame and constant looming anxiety in the air.

It wasn’t until I began attending Al-anon support meetings that I began to realize I was truly miserable on the inside. If this is how you are feeling, there’s hope. It’s possible to be happy and still interact with an addict. Al-anon can teach you how to live with a problem drinker and still be happy.

Have you been living in a world of denial? Does everything on the outside look perfect like the Rockefeller’s, but if the truth was known, the family on the inside is falling apart with dysfunction?

Is the finger always being pointed at your behavior, like you are the bad guy? Alcoholics blaming others for their unhappiness is a common thread among those suffering from the disease.

This is the story of my life as it relates to living with an active alcoholic/drug addict. We had the big house, three to four cars, a lot of property, plenty of money, two successful businesses, but little trust or respect for one another. A marriage that was supposed to be filled with a beautiful garden of mutual dreams was being interfered with by the actions of an alcoholic spouse.

Somewhere during the relationship my alcoholic spouse fell in love with alcohol more than she loved me. Perhaps, deep down inside she had the dream of us being together and working things out, but there just was not enough of a flame to keep things burning. The desire for alcohol, drugs and the wild life totally extinguished the fiery passion that had once burned for preserving our relationship. Something on the inside of me says that she understands that she was not able to fulfill the dreams that we both had when we married.

The big smile on the outside of my face hid the secret of my dysfunctional marriage and unhappiness well.

What was it that caused me to start taking an honest inventory of my life? As I look back over the past eight years, it was when I began to get educated about alcoholics and their common behaviors. Once I realized that there were certain things that I could change to help make me happier, I started doing them one day at a time.

There are three steps to take when we get honest and start looking at the things we are covering over. There’s a way to overcome living in a world of secrets and making changes that will lead us into more peace and serenity. We must be honest with ourselves and willing to make changes.

1) Look at our behaviors and get an awareness of what is really going on in our lives.
2) Accept the things that you begin to notice.
3) Take action to make changes to make things better.

Happiness is an inside job! It’s not the job of the alcoholic to make us happy.

By spending time in support group meetings for alcoholic families, you will begin to have a greater awareness of what the secrets are that are in your life. As others share their experience, strength and hope, you will be comparing your life to theirs in an honest way. From their experiences in recovery, you will learn how to heal from the affects of alcoholism.

Most often we don’t even realize how much we are covering for the alcoholic in our lives. We lie on their behalf, keep secrets from family, friends and neighbors, just to make everything look OK. As we start to recognize the times when we are acting this way we learn how to do things differently from other members of the alcoholism support group we are involved with.

Through time, you will begin to experience a new level of freedom and happiness that you have not known for a long time. You will become less irritated and unreasonable with the problem drinker and your life.

Do we deserve to live a happy life?

Is it possibly to be happier and still stay with someone who drinks all the time?

Are you being honest with yourself about what is really happening in your life?

Are you keeping a lot of secrets?

I’d love to hear your answers.

Please feel free to leave a comment!


1 comment to Uncover The Secrets of Your Dysfunctional Life

  • Linda

    Yes I’m keeping a lot of secrets. I’ve left him keep me in denial. I’m living as his option. He is making me make his decision. I hatE this. he sits here and acts like a two year old. NOT SAYING NOTHING.

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