Trust God No Matter What


One of the things I say in Al-anon meetings is; “trust God.” When associating with a dysfunctional alcoholic it can be confusing at times to think God loves us, let alone to put our trust in him. Many question his existence because they are having to go through such difficult times in life.

Establishing a Relationship

As we interact with others, isn’t this where trust begins? Having faith in someone is something that develops over time. To fully have faith in a person, we must believe in their abilities.

If I was Renovating a House

I wouldn’t just let anyone remodel my house. There has to be a trial period where the contractor wins me over and convinces me to have faith in his company. He must show up on time for appointments, provide the information he has promised within the time frame that he promised to deliver it before I will trust him. He has to prove that he is a good listener by including everything in the estimate that we discussed.

The same is true in establishing a relationship with God. It takes time to get to know him, just as it takes time to establish a trustworthy relationship with a real estate broker or anyone in life. God will prove to us that he is real when we start to talk to him and seek to know him. If we will seek him-we will find him.

Faith Begins as the Relationship Develops

One real God experience will be poured into our empty faith glass and we will begin to see Him differently. We will trust God more as he continues to reveal himself by answering our prayers and letting us know that he is with us.

Eventually, we will have a firm foundation that we cannot be moved from because the relationship has developed to a point where we have total trust in God. When we reach this point, we can truly call ourselves “believers.”

Many Alcoholics Have Faith in God to Get Sober
The AA program is very clear about three things.

1) We were powerless over alcohol and could not manage our own lives
2) A power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity
3) God could and would “if” He were sought.

The twelve steps of AA and Al-anon are designed to gently bring us into a relationship where we fully trust God. The first step helps us to realize that we are powerless and the rest are designed for us to experience the reality of God’s power.

My experiences with God have brought me to the place where I simply trust him no matter what. In the good times and through the bad, I just trust him. This great faith that I have took several years of Him proving his faithfulness to me before it was established in a rock solid way. The training for me happened through dealing with an active alcoholic. I had to continually turn my will over to God and the alcoholic over to him as well.

The situation I was involved in caused many damaging emotions to be present in my life. I was forced to call out to my higher power for help. This process of asking for help began to develop as I continued to attend alcoholism support group meetings.

Hopelessness
Despair
Depression
Anxiety
Fear
Anger

All of the negative emotions above will have little place in our lives once our faith is built up to be strong. How do we get strong faith? Through having the opportunity for our trust in God to grow stronger. It is the difficult situations in our lives that shape and mold our faith. Coping with as problem drinker was the most difficult thing I had ever done. I have experienced all of these negative emotions with a great level of intensity because of my interaction with the alcoholic in my life.

God loves us no matter what. He will be working in our lives if we have made a decision to seek Him. Trust him today with your life and with the alcoholic that you care about. “Let go and let God.”


18 comments to Trust God No Matter What

  • I am finding a lot of resentment because my husband has stopped drinking again and he goes to alot of meetings so he says but his attitude is still not too good…I am trying to talk to him alone and with
    a counselor friend but he really does not want to talk honestly about anything that he has done because of his drinking which has and still is affecting our marriage….we are and have been separated for a year now and he says he wants to get back together but just move on is his attitude…but I think we have to talk or else nothing will ever change…..he had stopped drinking for 12 years and was really into AA but started drinking again 10 years ago. My feeling is he doesn’t want to do the work or take the time or go back…he wants to get on with his life…but I have hung in there and now I just have to suck it up if we are going to get back together…am I being unrealistic that someday he might understand where I am coming from? also,he had an affair which is another real big issue..any advice would be good at this point

  • Julie

    Linda, I was married for 21 years and it was a roller coaster ride with my Alocoholic husband. We have now been divorced for 3 months and i am still enduring his calls that he loves me followed by emails and voicemails that everything is my fault and i owe it to him to take him back and move on from here and forget the past. However, those words have fooled me in the past and now i am stepping back out of the confusion of listening to his lies and seeing the reality of our relationship. OUr relationship has always been about him and his needs. Even to the neglect of his children’s feelings. I am so glad i got out. I had left many times before in hopes of making him realize what he was doing to me and the children but we always came back on his promises and declarations of love. But his wanting me back to “care” for him and wanting the children just so that he could show an image to the world that he is a wonderful family man is not love. I finally can hear what he is actually saying to me when he says he loves me and wants me back but then follows it with how he is entitled to my love and respect and servitude. But when i analyze our marriage I realize that he does not deserve any love and respect from me as he was never a partner. I will never take him back even if he sobers up which i sadly do not see happening. He is not just an addict but a selfish man who only thinks of himself. It is very sad and i do not want things to go badly for him, but I will no longer suffer and have my children suffer in order to try to make his life easier. Why should i do that? My innocent children are who are important… more important than pleasing him and feeling sorry for him when he will not help himself. I guess i am saying this so that you realize that you should never move on from the past without facing it, I did that so many times with my ex. He called it starting over from scratch and wiping the slate clean. However, it never led to any changes in his behavior. Listen to your heart and your mind. You know you should not move on without facing the past and you are right. To just pretend it never happend especially when his actions have shown you no change is nothing but a recipe for disaster. Nothing will change and you will relive the past over and over. My Ex refuses to even discuss the past and wants to move on with our relationsip so he says. But we are divorced for a reason., And as he goes out and parties with friends and other women, when he is lonely and cannot pay his bills he suddenly sends me emails and calls that he loves me and wants to be a family again. He is trying to use me as he did all those years of marriage and i am determined to put a stop to it. So listen to yourself and you know how you feel. If he is not willing to work through the past and make real changes then you do not have to feel guilty about not wanting him back. God Bless and prayer does work. Listen to that little voice in your head it is God telling you what to do.

  • Gabby

    What if God never answers even the smallest of your prayers or any of your prayers? Never in my lifetime did one get answered.

  • Pez

    WoW! Loaded topic. I I absolutely don’t know why some prayers are answered and some aren’t? especially seems that the ones most important to us aren’t answered. which can be quite frustrating and heartbreaking. it seems like with the A’s prayers are not answer quite as much which may have to do with their free will or mental problems which makes them more unable to exercise their free will. I prayed for 4 years for my A and I’m sure some of you a lot longer!
    this addiction is so darn strong’ that they’re denial comes even with God trying to reach them I believe. they don’t want to be reached at this time or that time only by their choice not even by God.

  • Julie

    Also too i think sometimes God answers our prayers the way He wants to answer them not the way we want HIm to. So we do not recognize that the prayers have been answered. And like Pez said we can pray for our loved ones but they still have a free will that God gave them so they can choose not to answer God’s call when He reaches out to them. But God will help us. I know when going through my divorce i prayed alot and things seemed to not be working in my favor but later it turned out to be for the best. So God was there and was answering my prayers the way they needed to be answered. And i am in a better place now because of this. So maybe the prayers are being answered just not the way you expected them to be answered.

  • Pez

    Linda & Julie, I had the same problem with mine. Every time there was a make up he did not want to hear how he hurt me, or that I was throwing it in his face. He just wanted to move on with NO Consequences! I’m sorry but AA Says to acknowledge the hurt you caused others AND make amends!!! This is for the healing of the other. Denying it or dismissing it is hurtful to those that have suffered abuse at the hands of an alcoholic (or anyone). I believe it is important to validate how someone has felt. This, again, is denial and lack of wanting to own up to what they have done–and I believe insincerity on stating they want to get well. If your truly love and care about someone, you will care if you have hurt them and try to make it right. Obviously, they don’t care!

  • Julie

    Same here, Pez. And you are absolutely correct. One of the ways i knew he did nto want to change was wehn he would tel l me to “get over it” when i told him how much he hurt me or tell me the kids need to “quit being whiners” when i told them how much he was hurting the kids with his behavior. He also would turn it around on us and blame us for his behavbior or for feeling hurt. So when they cannot even own up to their own wrongs the hope for change and a better life with them fades. I know mine does not care about anyone but himself. It is all he talks about and all he thinks aobut. Anything to get what he wants. But with mine it is not just the alcohol or theother drugs. It has always been about him and control and he only wants us because he feels we owe him and he owns us. He has so much as said so to me . Very sad because we are wonderful people who could have lived a great life with him if only he had treated us like humans at the very least.

  • PJ

    Interesting, I have been married to my wife, an alcoholic, for 25 years. 10 of those she was sober and attended AA, but 6 years ago she fell off the wagon and despite illness ( she has sclerosis and Hep c and smokes to boot ) she continues to indulge. She has tried to go back to AA briefly but feels herself above ‘those people’, of which she is obviously one. I might add that she is a devout Christian, unlike me , and attends Church regularly and is always quoting godly stuff yet continues to get drunk on a daily basis. I have attended al anon meetings and witness mainly people resigned to living with a drunk and seemingly not really connected in marriage. I have witnessed my wife posting drunken questions on facebook asking when god will help her all of which reinforces my views. She regularly apologises for her outbursts and admonishes herself on a daily basis. If god has a vision for us all then why does he allow this stuff to happen in the first place ? The godly ones will answer that he has another vision for us However When good things happen god has answered our prayers ! Don’t make sense to me. It now beholds me to live a pseudo seperate life as I dont want the upheaval of divorce . When my wife is sober, she is a wonderful warm person that people love but she has an unresolved issue in her life that tilts her towards the bottle. After 25 years her god has not helped her sort it despite repeated requests.

  • john

    Freewill & Free choice. God can not always interfere with our learning. Learning to except full responsibility for the situations we attracted into our lifes. My ex is still looking for every reason in the book to keep drinking. Its his choice & destiny. Its my choice to back off & move on.

  • Well , I live with a perfectly functional alchoholic – who loves hs drins and noting so far that I have done can make him drink less – not even the fact Tati have returned to him after a separation of 13 years – lie I said he lves his drinks –
    Now here’s the point , I have finally learnt that I am here to serve God and not my husband – I find comfort in nosing that we have a free will and if we make the wrong choices we suffer the outcome . I have chosen work for the deafblind kids and I gt pad for it , i often go out enjoy myself ,I attend piano classes once a week , I have joined a prayer group, I learn yoga and go t a local gym thrice a week. I also keep n touch with all my frends .
    I was vey different when I was younger. I was miserable as my focus was my husband and we spent a lt of time quarrelling as he did not like any of my ideas or friends and found a lot of faults in anything I did . Like I said we were separated – it was only when I found out that he was lonely and sick and abandoned by his family and he wanted me back that I decid to give my marriage a second chance .
    Now that I am back life it is not easy as he is back to what he use to be and it is not easy for e to start again so I have decided to live here but hanger my life by keeping myself ccupied and so far it is working.
    My children and frends often tell me that the choices my husband makes is non of my business so here I am …. Help me God to accept things I cannot change –

  • Pez

    PJ Unfortunately we can not just expect God to come down and take away all of our struggles miraculously. This sometimes happens but it’s the exception. I smoke, I have prayed for God to take it away from me and he hasn’t. I have to buck up and do the hard work just like any addicts have to quit an addiction. Our higher power can help us through day by day if we choose to quit, but he/she won’t do it for us. And I am not a fanatical Christian either, my beliefs follow more of the line of Depack Chopra, Dr. Wayne Dyer, etc….She must choose to face her demons and past get continues counseling as well if needed. If she is refusing AA as above it or counseling there is a part of her that does not want to quit–denial–and Christianity makes her not feel so bad!

  • Reposting after correcting some errors – my iPod keys drive me nuts :
    Well , I live with a perfectly functional alchoholic – who loves hs drins and noting so far that I have done can make him drink less – not even the fact Tati have returned to him after a separation of 13 years – lie I said he lves his drinks –
    Now here’s the point , I have finally learnt that I am here to serve God and not my husband – I find comfort in knowing that we have a free will and if we make the wrong choices we suffer the outcome . I have chosen work for the deafblind kids and I get pad for it , i often go out and enjoy myself ,I attend piano classes once a week , I have joined a prayer group, I learn yoga and go to a local gym thrice a week. I also keep n touch with all my overseas friends online.
    I was a very different kind of a person when I was younger. I was miserable as my focus was my husband and we spent a lot of time quarrelling as he did not like any of my ideas or friends and found a lot of faults in anything I did . Like I said we were separated for many years when it got unbearable – it was only when I found out from my children and common friends that he was lonely and sick and abandoned by his family and he wanted me back that I decided to get back give my marriage a second chance but once again everything was back to what it use to be – but slightly mellowed down as he is not as young and I too am much more stronger. life it is not too easy as he is back to what he use to be and it is not easy for me to start packing my bags again so I have decided to live here but change my life by keeping myself occupied and so far it is working.
    My children and frends often tell me that the choice my husband has made to drink and deteriorate is non of my business …so here I am …. Help me God to accept things I cannot change – I live one Day at a time and God is my comforter and my Rock –

  • Mike

    God is a necessity because it let’s people know there is One greater than they are.
    It is a big step in realizing that the world does not revolve around the drinker.
    As we know, drinkers are so self-absorbed, to find a second where they do not think only of themselves, is in itslef a miracle.

  • LINDA

    Another part to this disease ,My opinion is they are Narcissism.
    This is defiantly a family disease. My a brother did the same things to his wife . cheated, deny any thing was going on. This one has brad he would never get caught. They what their cake n eat it to. lie ,deny that’s what they do. They don’t what to look like the bad guy…Its the Jeckal-Hyde they do. To the public look like nice guy but behind close doors are totally the opposite. Marriage counseling showed him what he needed to deal with and he’s not willing to do it. So he has turn to another enabler, someone he can look at, that doesn’t remind him of the pain. If the A doesn’t deal with their pain they will keep projecting onto us, all their anger. And the circle continue. This is the Merry-go-round we are on !

  • Joanne D

    What nonsense. Maybe you needed to trust in god but there are many who recover without. I got sober in 1982 and contrary to the silly spoutings of many AA members, I am still sober as well as happy, joyous and free without one. You seem to forget: “the only requirement for membership is a desire to stop drinking”.

    Furthermore, You have no idea how many people will diss your website because of your god concepts. Nearly 25% of America has dumped religion. According to Pew Research Center, in 2014, 22.8% of the American population does not identify with a religion, including atheists (3.1%) and agnostics (4%)
    https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Irreligion_in_the_United_States

  • Mike S

    Joanne, Your alcoholism is showing. Remember resentment is your number one offender.

  • Pez

    I agree with you JoAnne you do not need to believe in God to get sober and stay sober. AAA only requires you believe in something higher than yourself and that can be a power within you or whatever. I have read about and met atheist who have gotten and stayed sober. Never mind the Fanatics Joanne you’re doing just fine!

  • Bill

    Hi Joanne, thanks for sharing. Just curious, what are your referring to when you say “what nonsense”?

    Also, congratulations on getting sober and staying free from alcohol for so long. That is something to be very proud of.

    This website is covered with comments from people who are dealing with active alcoholics. For us to hear your story of victory over alcoholic infuses hope that one day the alcoholics we are dealing with will get sober too.

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