The changes are drastic at times when an alcoholic swings from the emotion of love to rage and anger. It can happen so unexpectedly that we find ourselves walking on eggshells. We spend hours trying to ponder why they are acting the way that they are and often let them blame us for their sudden mood swings.
If you are dealing with an narcotic addict on-top of the drinking problem, then you really have your hands full. My alcoholic wife drives me crazy because she mixes the drinking with drugs. This really intensifies the mood swings.
These tips will help you protect yourself during the many behavioral mood swings of an alcoholic.
It’s Not Your Fault
First things first, whatever it is that caused them to get set off in anger, you did not cause them to do that. Alcoholics have a way of keeping the people around them anxious and angry. Although they do not realize it themselves, but they are just keeping the focus off of their bad behavior and trying to place the blame on you.
Set Boundaries
Whenever they swing from a loving, nice mood to a raging alcoholic, protect your emotions by setting boundaries. If they have a tendency to call you names, ask them to not do that anymore. If they continue to belittle you, respond by saying things like: “I’m sorry you feel that way” or “that’s your opinion.” Another good comeback is: “I don’t care to discuss that right now.” The best boundary you can set for yourself is to not respond by arguing with an alcoholic.
Be warned though, as you begin to have more and more self-control around them, they may intensify the badgering even more. Just hold your ground and do not let them cause you to lose your self-control. Make up your mind that no matter what, you will not argue and fight with them.
Unacceptable Behavior is Not Acceptable
You do not have to accept unacceptable behavioral mood swings that are damaging to your emotional, mental or spiritual well-being. You have a choice in every given situation to either be a doormat or get yourself away from the alcoholic. Just go into a different room, leave the house, or do whatever. Just don’t be accepting of bad behavior.
If you must get firm with them do it in a loving manner. Ask them kindly to stop behaving that way. Try to reassure them of your love for them prior to telling them to quit. Say what you mean, but don’t say it mean.
Stay Out of Harm’s Way
Start trying to recognize the situations where these sudden behavioral switches happen. For instance, I used to go out to a restaurant late in the evenings when my spouse would get off of work. It was always “happy hour” and often ended as the fighting hour. I had to learn that the outcome of those times was very unpredictable. So, here’s what I did, I quit going out with my spouse for the late night happy hour special after she got off work. This protected me from putting myself in harm’s way. As a result of my choices, there was and still is a lot more serenity in my life.
Just realize something though, as you begin to interact less with the alcoholic, your company will be replaced. I’m not saying that if you are married they will divorce you, but I am saying that they will find a drinking buddy or a party to attend. In these circumstances do the things that you like to do and enjoy the peace and quiet.
You Do Not Have to Speak to Them on The Phone
You have a right to not discuss things with the alcoholic over the phone when they are having a behavioral mood swing that is filled with getting mad about something. If you decide to get off of the phone, politely tell them that you will be hanging up and say; “goodbye” (this is being kind to an alcoholic). Chances are that they will call repeatedly, you do not have to answer the phone while they are in a rage. Just let them stew and you find something fun to do while they are going ballistic calling you over and over again.
Here’s another thing, you do not have to listen to their ugly messages either. Just delete those suckers. Trust me, this will give you a whole lot less to obsess over.
Learning how to protect yourself from the crazy mood swings that an alcoholic has takes practice and time. Eventually your emotional well-being will no longer be on the roller coaster ride, but instead you will be on a solid and steady course of being self-controlled.
Try to do the best that you can at changing the way you respond to their sudden changes from love to anger. Be kind to yourself when you lose control of your reactions and remember to just start over. Dealing with an active alcoholic is not an easy thing to do. So, go easy on yourself. If this helps at all please understand this, it is possible to love an alcoholic unconditionally being a doormat.
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