While the alcoholic is having a great drunken time it will usually bring out the worst possible behaviors in our personality. Living with or associating with a family member, friend or co-worker who drinks regularly stirs up negative behaviors inside of us.
We get angry, anxious and are continually filled with worry. Our suspensions cause us to follow them around and investigate as many aspects of their lives as we possibly can. We interrogate them and try to control the things that they are doing so that we will feel better when they are not drinking. We do not trust them and for good reasons too. We call them names. We call them constantly on the phone wondering when they will be coming home or what they are doing.
These character defects along with many others, if allowed to continue, can destroy us mentally, physically and spiritually. Alcoholism is a serious matter and the sooner you learn how to take care of yourself the better off everyone will be.
“BUT, IF THEY WOULD JUST STOP DRINKING EVERYTHING WOULD BE OK!”
You have no control over their choices, but you can stop letting the alcoholic push your buttons to the point of where you lose control of yourself. Think about it, how many times have you gotten upset over their behaviors and they just continue to be numb to it all? Yes, they seem to laugh, hang from the chandeliers and have a great time whether we approve of it or not.
You can stop letting the actions of others dictate your moods!
Personality traits of the alcoholic you should accept:
-Understand that alcoholics lie a lot.
-They keep everyone either angry or anxious.
-They put the focus on what everyone else is doing because they feel so poorly about themselves.
-They will never tell the truth about how much they have had to drink, when they started or when they intend to stop in a day.
Try accepting these things about your situation:
-Nothing you do will make them stop drinking alcohol.
-You cannot control their drinking patterns.
-You did not cause them to drink.
How to Identify Your Worst Behaviors and What is Causing Them
Try keeping a journal on a daily basis. Commit to write in it several times a day. Every time you get mad at the alcoholic, write it down. When ever they do anything to alter your mood, make a new entry. Let all of your feelings out on the paper. Do this for thirty days straight. I promise you that you will begin to see the things that are causing you to get upset all of the time. Your personality defects will begin to surface.
After thirty days of journaling, go back through the pages and make a list of the things that bring out the worst in your personality when interacting with the problem drinker in your life.
Then make a second list of how you can do things differently to stop responding in negative ways.
Here are a few suggestions:
-Stop confronting the problem drinker.
-Quit arguing with the alcoholic.
-If what you have to say is not “necessary, true or kind,” DON’T SAY IT!
-Do not step into the arguing ring with them.
-Don’t answer the phone when they repeatedly call.
-Never have a serious conversation about life when they have been drinking. Talking about the bills and responsibilities of life after they have a few drinks in them is non productive. So, save your breath by simply telling them that you do not care to discuss that.
-Make it a point to be kind to them rather than mean and disapproving.
Here’s how this system works, once you begin to recognize what the worst things are that are surfacing in your personality, you can deal with them with positive things. They way you stop letting an alcoholic bring these bad personality traits out is by finding positive ways to respond to your feelings.
Here’s the best piece of advice I can give you, let go of them and give them to God. Start having some healthy fun in your own life rather than constantly obsessing over the alcoholic in your life. We have many articles on this site that can help you in beginning to enjoy your life again. It is possible to stop focusing all of your attention on what they are doing all of the time.
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