Comments on: Being Kind to an Alcoholic

By: KT

KT — Tue, 10 Apr 2012 12:41:40 +0000

Karen you hit the nail on the head! This blog is helping me getting started with trying to be nice to my wife and to not get angry when she drinks. My wife was sober for six months and met another alcoholic in AA, we separated for a year. My wife is drinking again and we are back together. We have a six year old son to think about. I have hit my bottom and am considering an intervention session.

By: Karen

Karen — Sun, 12 Feb 2012 07:46:53 +0000

OUR alcoholic spouses are usually very sensitive people. Things bother them and they will not talk about it. The truth of
the matter is they drink to cover up those things that trigger an emotional response, With the alcohol controlling their emotions they never learn to deal with their feeling. The hurt, guilt,and suffering they feel is buried in the bottom of a glass, bottle or beer.

Then the
body requires the alcohol to function and then dies due to the physical bodys deterioration. (cirrosis, bone disease, cancer in the mouth and destroyed brains.etc.) i AM NOT
making excuses for them, but learning to be aware of how
simply this disease gets started and ends. Destroying
lives, families, in-laws and out laws and themselves. There is no magic answer for each alcoholic is different
and so are we. Good luck with what ever you feel you must do and may God bless your journey.

By: Tired of it all

Tired of it all — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 20:39:50 +0000

I don’t see any other way to be happy and sane except to leave him. I’ve read a lot on this site, and on many others. I don’t want to be in a relationship in which my partner’s brain is fried, where he has no respect for me and my needs. I am learning not to be a doormat, learning to love myself, and frankly if he wants to drink himself to death, it’s his business. My only choice is to stay or go. To stay is misery. So that leaves me one option. Go.

We are not married, our rental lease is about to expire, we have no children. I have tried so hard and feel so rotten, and have become legally disabled myself from all the stress of dealing with others with these kinds of problems.

I’m not in a good place towards God these days either. What kind of malicious God would let people hurt themselves and others in these horribly insidious ways, of drinking and substance abuse. Life sucks and then you die. It’s pretty much true.

I will leave him, and spend the rest of my life living in a defensive state, not one of joy. People are idiots, myself included. I can barely manage my own self, much less an alcoholic boyfriend. I’m tired of trying.

Good luck to all of you who try to stay and bend yourselves around self-centered addicts who don’t have the capacity to love you back. I’m done with it.

By: admin

admin — Thu, 06 Oct 2011 01:18:08 +0000

Jane, thanks for sharing about your delicate situation. My step dad and two of my friends passed away from cirrhosis of the liver. All I can say is that I am glad I quit drinking thirteen years ago.

Life’s too short to hold onto bitterness and unforgiveness. It’s wonderful that you understand that he suffers from something that you could not have cured. When we have such an understanding, it’s easier to be compassionate and kind.

I’m praying for your situation that your family will be comforted during these difficult moments.
JC

By: Jane

Jane — Tue, 04 Oct 2011 22:12:38 +0000

I will work on being more kind to my brother whom I love. I have been very frusterated at his insanity (Alcoholism)The alcohol is his lover, best friend and replacement for any relationship (wife, children, family and friends) or any normalcy in his life. I can’t change him and this is his choice and I will be better about sitting on the side lines while he slowly kills himself in his selfishness of alcoholism. He has 4th stage cirosis….yup…one drink at a time one bottle of Voda a day for years. I’m going to go now to call the funeral home and start making funeral arrangements because there is nothing that I can do to make him stop, I will love him to death…literally! It is just a matter of time and this will all be over.

By: Jim

Jim — Sun, 25 Jul 2010 04:01:34 +0000

Just wanted to say that I tried two of your suggestions and I do actually feel better about myself. Thanks for the great tips and blog!

By: Marylee

Marylee — Wed, 21 Jul 2010 19:47:32 +0000

As my brother would say before he passed….”easy for yo to say.” Your column is most helpful. I am care take for 3 grandchildren at 77 and their parents have addicted behavior to alcohol and drugs and are constantly berating me.