Comments on: Warning Signs Alcoholic Abusive Relationship-Treating Me Horribly Bad

By: Caitlyn

Caitlyn — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 01:16:03 +0000

Two things to consider:
1. The alcoholic has to want and decide for themselves that they truly want to sober up. Not just say it. Words are empty without action. They have to truly and deeply mean it. We can’t do it for them. We can’t make them better, but we can support their decision and help them along the way to recovery.
2. Sometimes it’s not so much denial as protecting our vision, the world’s vision of perfect. No one is perfect. Babies are not born perfect, they are born with innate flaws to overcome in this time on earth. Not you reading this, nor I are perfect. Some mightn’t be too far off ‘perfect’, but still all have to overcome that which is not right. All of us are flawed and clawing our way to perfection or being the best we can. In the bible’s way “in his image”. Life and it’s journey is a path of discovery and enlightenment.
One thing I’m seeing through this website is that many an alcoholic is perfect except for their addiction and what disaster it brings to them and their world. This is the imperfect thing they must battle to be “in his image”.
No answers here, just comments.

By: Sheila

Sheila — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 22:23:45 +0000

I also didn’t realize that I was being abused, since there was no physical abuse in my case. My self esteem was constantly derailed, I was ignored as a wife. He loved me so much because I was a pushover and a sentimental fool. I unknowingly married into this almost 20 years ago now.
One year ago my sister replied to my pain with a book about Verbal Abuse. Later she said that alcohol may be more of a problem than I realize. Six months ago I started Al-Anon. Things are better, but i’m not sure that his brain can turn around even when he stops drinking and enters into recovery tomorrow. We shall see. I will help him recover, but we shall see.

By: Julie

Julie — Sun, 20 Nov 2011 15:13:17 +0000

I have been married for twenty years and have three children with an abusive alcoholic husband. We have been through a lot of rehab and couseling and empty promises from him over the years. But it has reached the point through couseling and Alanon where I realized he was manipulating me . He threatens me harm when I wont buy him alcohol yet refuses to go get it himself except at the bar where he could sqander money and then blame me because I would not buy alcohol at the store for him where it is much less expensive and less costly for him to drink it at home.Then this weekend I reached the point where I was so frightened of harm from his threatening phone calls from the bar that I called the police. He is now sitting in jail waiting to be arraigned and my children and I are seeking a protection order from him. This is the beginning of a very long road to recovery for me and my children and I am finally making him take responsibility for his own behaviors. Even though I hope this leads him to drying out and then getting help to reform himself, I have to think of my children right now and let him take whatever actions for himself to make a change and better his life. After twenty years of trying to help him change and feeling that everything is my fault, I have finally taken steps to help me and my children and let him be responsible for himself. Feels good, even under all the mixed emotions. I know God is on my side as I move forward with my children and I only wish the same for anyone else in an abusive relationship whether alcohol is involved or not.