I never understood what the warning signs were of being in an abusive relationship. Being use to the alcoholic treating me poorly was a way of life. I’ll never forget the day when a friend who was a professional family counselor told me that I was in a horribly bad relationship. He directly told me that I was being abused mentally, spiritually and physically. His honesty led me to stop sharing with him from my heart. I was in such denial that I couldn’t think of the alcoholic that I loved so much as being an abusive person. I was so far off in fantasy land that it would take three other people and God speaking before I would listen and get help.
I’d never taken the time to understand what it meant to be in an abusive relationship. What was he referring to I wondered? It wasn’t until I got my hands on some cassette tapes from Joyce Meyer Ministries that I began to understand that the alcoholic was treating me horribly. The series was called Beauty For Ashes
It had become a way of life for me to endure being called awful names, yelled at and sometimes even physically hit. As I studied the tapes intensely, I realized that no one should be treating me this way. As I listened to every teaching, I began to see all of the warning signs that I was in an abusive relationship with an alcoholic that I dearly loved. God was opening my eyes and the blinders of denial were being stripped away from my sight. I began to see the relationship for what it really was… abusive.
What are some of the warning signs of an abusive person (taken from video above)?
- Controlling personality-The may not allow you to have money. They mighty try to control your time. The might try to keep you from having friends or interacting with people.
- Jealousy or possessiveness-The person doesn’t trust you when you have done nothing to make them suspicious. They check your phone messages and your emails without permission; this is not a good sign.
- Being critical of you-They may disapprove of the way you dress, how you cleaned the house or what you cooked for dinner. It could be little petty things all of the time, just constant criticism day in and day out.
- Blame shifting-They blame people for everything. They rarely admit fault. They have a way of making everything your fault.
- Hypersensitivity-People who are abusive have a tendency to have very low self-esteem. They try to make themselves feel better by putting other people down or over reacting to minuscule things.
Is someone calling you every name in the book whenever they feel like it? Do you get ridiculed for everything that you do? Does it seem as though one moment the alcoholic in your life loves you and then without notice you are hated with every ounce of energy they have within them? Have you been pushed, spit on, grabbed forcefully or hit by the alcoholic in your life? These are all warning signs for you to open up your eyes to.
WHAT IS HAPPENING TO YOU IS NOT OK!
Yes, some of the MILDER THINGS are just normal behaviors that we strive to live with when we are involved in potentially bad relationships with active drinkers.
At this point in the article, you really need to just pause and think about how you are being treated by the alcoholic. If you understand that you are being treated horribly bad, then you are probably in a very abusive relationship.
Here’s what I want you to do. Get the phone book and look for support groups in your area that are designed to help family and friends of Alcoholics. Al-anon is a great place to start getting help for the situation that you are involved in. Being treated horribly bad by an alcoholic is no light matter. No one deserves to be some one else’s punching bag, not emotionally, spiritually or physically. Take care of yourself and seek out help. DO THIS NOW!
No related posts.
Related posts brought to you by Yet Another Related Posts Plugin.
I have been married for twenty years and have three children with an abusive alcoholic husband. We have been through a lot of rehab and couseling and empty promises from him over the years. But it has reached the point through couseling and Alanon where I realized he was manipulating me . He threatens me harm when I wont buy him alcohol yet refuses to go get it himself except at the bar where he could sqander money and then blame me because I would not buy alcohol at the store for him where it is much less expensive and less costly for him to drink it at home.Then this weekend I reached the point where I was so frightened of harm from his threatening phone calls from the bar that I called the police. He is now sitting in jail waiting to be arraigned and my children and I are seeking a protection order from him. This is the beginning of a very long road to recovery for me and my children and I am finally making him take responsibility for his own behaviors. Even though I hope this leads him to drying out and then getting help to reform himself, I have to think of my children right now and let him take whatever actions for himself to make a change and better his life. After twenty years of trying to help him change and feeling that everything is my fault, I have finally taken steps to help me and my children and let him be responsible for himself. Feels good, even under all the mixed emotions. I know God is on my side as I move forward with my children and I only wish the same for anyone else in an abusive relationship whether alcohol is involved or not.
I also didn’t realize that I was being abused, since there was no physical abuse in my case. My self esteem was constantly derailed, I was ignored as a wife. He loved me so much because I was a pushover and a sentimental fool. I unknowingly married into this almost 20 years ago now.
One year ago my sister replied to my pain with a book about Verbal Abuse. Later she said that alcohol may be more of a problem than I realize. Six months ago I started Al-Anon. Things are better, but i’m not sure that his brain can turn around even when he stops drinking and enters into recovery tomorrow. We shall see. I will help him recover, but we shall see.
Two things to consider:
1. The alcoholic has to want and decide for themselves that they truly want to sober up. Not just say it. Words are empty without action. They have to truly and deeply mean it. We can’t do it for them. We can’t make them better, but we can support their decision and help them along the way to recovery.
2. Sometimes it’s not so much denial as protecting our vision, the world’s vision of perfect. No one is perfect. Babies are not born perfect, they are born with innate flaws to overcome in this time on earth. Not you reading this, nor I are perfect. Some mightn’t be too far off ‘perfect’, but still all have to overcome that which is not right. All of us are flawed and clawing our way to perfection or being the best we can. In the bible’s way “in his image”. Life and it’s journey is a path of discovery and enlightenment.
One thing I’m seeing through this website is that many an alcoholic is perfect except for their addiction and what disaster it brings to them and their world. This is the imperfect thing they must battle to be “in his image”.
No answers here, just comments.