Sick of Living With an Alcoholic Husband

wife of alcoholic husbandBeing sick of living with an alcoholic husband is not an isolated experience. As they say in Al-anon; “you are not alone.” The disease of alcoholism devastates many marriages. Couples that may have started off completely sober and with American dreams of owning the beautiful house with the white picket fence, the perfect children and outstanding carriers, find themselves miserable because of the affects of alcoholism in the family.

It’s not something that happened over night either. The devastating disease, slowly over time, hardens hearts and separates even the best of friends, spouses, brothers and sisters. In the Alcoholics Anonymous program’s readings, they refer to the disease as being cunning, baffling and powerful. It’s a subtle thing that happens as the problem drinker or drinkers progress toward drinking more on a daily basis.

This is the point that I really want you to understand, you did not get this way over night and there is no quick fix for the sick husband or family members who are constantly dealing with active alcoholism. It’s going to take a lot of time and effort to recover from the horrible affects of this type of addiction.

Even though we live in a society and time period where we seem to get instant gratification, learning to cope with a sick husband who drinks too much is going to take time. If your heart has become hard toward him, then the process of softening your attitude, emotions and perception of the situation is going to take a while.

Please don’t despair though because with effort and patients you will be able to love the alcoholic unconditionally again. This may sound like a difficult thing to do because you are so sick of living with an alcoholic husband that you are just ready to cut the cord and start over. Many people have the same attitude when they first begin to seek out help. This is called hitting your bottom. It’s a tough place to be, but it is the beginning of you seeking out help. Even though there is a level of embarrassment to deal with, you must get help.

Now, get the help that you need by finding a support group locally. There are thousands of people in every medium to large sized city who are dealing with active alcoholism just like you. Once you get involved with others who are suffering from the affects of alcoholism, you will discover that there are many spouses who have lived with husbands who have drinking problems for decades. As you continue in a program, these women will become the strength you need to help you learn how to live with your alcoholic spouse. If you are totally sick of living with an alcoholic husband, get the help you need today by finding a support group. This could be the very thing that saves your marriage from having a tragic ending. Remember the vows you made to love your spouse forever, now your going to have to learn how to love them the way they are… not they way you wanted them to be.


9 comments to Sick of Living With an Alcoholic Husband

  • linda lee

    i tired of this. just really really tired . i just can’t seem to leave him though. when he’s sober i enjoy his company. when he’s drunk i can’t stand him

  • really

    Love them unconditionally? Are you freaking kidding me? Have you lived with an alcoholic spouse who threatens you and follows through with the threats?

  • Kam

    New here. At my wits end. My husband is a functioning alcoholic. We have a 5 year old son. My husband is not abusive. But when we argue about his drinking he always turns it around to my faults. Or he gives me the guilt trip – woe is me, I’m a terrible father and husband, maybe it would be better if I went away – crap. Then if I say for him to leave then he refuses and says this was his house first and I should leave. I knew he drank when we married but it has gotten worse. I have no family here an no where to go. My biggest issue is that he drinks and drives and then drinks while driving. I don’t let him take our son anywhere. If we go somewhere as a family then I drive. I love him but hate him at the same time.

  • Melanie Richard

    Kam,
    This sounds so familiar. I have felt that hatred, and have left numerous times. It’s painful because he hears me say, “I love you”, to family and friends. But even if I do love him, I can’t say, “I love you” to him, he has hurt me so many times.
    I can’t have friends over, nothing gets done, the house stays unfinished. We were functional enough to build a house.
    But now, everything stays unfinished, no molding, no drywall on hallway walls. He does what he wants. We don’t have company over, except once in a blue moon, because we argue. This website helped me the most teaching me not to argue with an alcoholic. I didn’t know that.
    The pain of the arguments affect me physically and mentally.
    It’s weird, now that I have the mantra, “you can’t argue with an alcoholic” and I’ve told him this, he turns it around. He says, “you can’t argue with an overweight person”. I’m 40 pounds overweight and he’s 60 pounds overweight. We have both gained weight being miserable.
    But I’m not that bad. He isn’t totally disgusting either. But I am actively looking AGAIN for a place to live apart.
    When we have separated he gets more active, and so do I.
    So don’t know what the answer is. I just know keeping my sanity by not arguing with him is starting to help. Even though he REALLY tries to drag me in to his stinking thinking. I refuse to be drawn in again. This website is really helping me.

  • C

    Really honest posts that anyone who has been with an alcoholic can relate. Having a support system is so important in order to keep our sanity. The name calling and constant finger pointing over nothing is the most maddening. It is very hard to block it out without ear plugs!

    Being social and active is vital to anyone dealing with an alcoholic.

  • My husband’s drinking has gotten worse be is a homeless veteran once again it is a very difficult situation and our 23 year old daughter is abusing alcohol as well so I have been. at my wits end it’s hard enough with one never dreamen I would have two

  • Melanie Richard

    Honesty seems to help. He finally told me today, he got drunk on purpose. I didn’t know he did that.
    The terrible argument we had last week was when he got drunk on purpose. This argument helped me find this website. I called three treatment centers the next day. This website is the only thing that has helped to date. Thank you AF!

  • Paula g

    Hi Kam,
    If your AH drinks and drives, he is not a functioning alcoholic. A functioning alcoholic follows strict societal rules and they drink too much every day, but usually at night after they are home for the night. Your whole situation could change in the blink of an eye, if he is involved in an accident, or even if he just gets pulled over.
    Some alcoholics are very intelligent and cunning and can convince you of almost anything, the only way to survive this kind of manipulation is to listen to yourself and trust your gut, because all the convincing of things in the world can’t change what is and isn’t okay with you. This is your boundaries…find out what they are, like you did with not letting your son get into the car with him. Don’t loose yourself in the constant demand he has on you. The hatred feeling is resentment, you are being put in positions and situations and living under circumstances that aren’t okay with you. Try to make it your priority to put your finger on what they are exactly, and once you know what your boundaries are, state them and set them to what you need them to be…again like you did with the driving. Don’t take no for an answer. If you discover at this point that you have no say in your life, then you have more serious things to consider because at that point you are in a controlling relationship, that maybe abusive. This is my simple guideline that I use to keep confusing things in perspective, knowing exactly where you are in a situation can clarify things a lot and lead you to the right actions. Good luck sister!!!

Leave a Reply