In what ways can we forgive and release the person who is an alcoholic? Holding them in unforgiveness is hurting us more than it is them. Is this just a matter of making a decision or do they have to do something to earn our merit?
If we do decide to let this problem go that caused so much trouble in our lives, will the alcoholic turn around and disappoint us again? Do we fear getting emotionally hurt if we just let them slide by with yet another disappointment?
Will I have to go through the whole process once more if they do disappoint me?
Perhaps you are exhausted with expressing forgiveness toward the problem drinker in your life because they just continue to disappoint you by their irresponsible behavior. How many times must I forgive the alcoholic? I say ten thousand times ten thousand times they should be released from our bondage. Only God has the right o choose not to forgive a problem drinker. There are ways of taking care of ourselves when alcoholism is present that will allow us to forgive the misdeeds of others and protect ourselves from emotional trauma.
What did the alcoholic do to cause you to harbor unforgiveness in your heart?
Here are three proven ways of forgiving the problem drinker in your life that will help you fell better inside. Your life will be more peaceful if you apply these suggestions.
• Ask God to help you do this task. He is the author and maker of who we are and knows exactly how to handle the situation.
• You must make a decision to let go of the hurt (Letting Go Of The Alcoholics Poor Choices) and accept that the past is over with and today is a brand new day. This by far is the biggest step in starting the process of forgiving an alcoholic of the horrible way they treated you or someone else. Once you have let that thing go that the problem drinker did, never pick it up ever again. Even if they do the same thing, do not refer to the past.
• Let them know that you have forgiven them for what they have done. This should not always be done in every case. An alcoholic will constantly do things that we will have to forgive them for on a daily basis, but if they do something really huge that causes a major separation, let them know that you have forgiven them.
• Do not hold any expectations as to how they will respond to you when you explain that you are forgiving them for the things that they have done.
• Set protective boundaries with alcoholics and let them know that their behavior was totally unacceptable and that you will not be as understanding if it happens again.
• Do not have any expectations that they will not let you down in this same area. Live life one day at a time knowing that they are very sick with the disease of alcoholism. Do not allow fear to grip your life with thoughts of mistrust or doubt. Just learn how to be happy with an alcoholic in spite of how they are choosing to live their life.
Those are some of the most important methods that I use when I have to forgive the alcoholic in my life. If you follow those steps for forgiving an alcoholic, then you will surely be a much more serene individual on the inside. Applying these steps, proven to help with the forgiveness process, will make you a much happier person.
I read a good article the other day. Following are a few paraphrased things they said.
How To Forgive An Alcoholic
1. Understand that the way an alcoholic thinks is different than the norm. They have a disease that causes them to not think rationally.
2. Take time to write out all of the things they did to offend you. During this process let out all of the anger you felt or are still experiencing because of what they did to you. Once you are finished, view the list as though all of those thing were just removed from your life. Now, let go of all of the hurts by trowing the list away, burning it, tearing it to shreds or cutting it into little pieces.
3. Take a moment and record on paper all of the good things that the alcoholic represents in your life.
4. Treat the alcoholic as though you just met him/her. Give them a fresh start with a clean slate. If they are still drinking, you may want to limit your interaction with them.
5. When you sense those things stirring within your emotions again that you put on the paper, don’t give them any power in your life. Resist the temptation to feel the anger again. Oh, this is a good time to say, don’t gossip about the things they did to you ever again that you forgave them for.
6. Understand that they are not perfect. If they are still drinking, it’s possible you will be hurt by them again. Be prepared to step back form the relationship if they start acting crazy again.
This whole idea of forgiving is for our good. It has little to do with making the alcoholic feel good. It has nothing to do with trying to get them sober. It has everything to do with us learning how to live a life free from guilt, resentments and anger. We deserve to be happy in our alcoholic relationships. Learning how to forgive an alcoholic is one of the greatest keys to being a happier, healthier person.