Have you had an alcoholic stealing things from you? Perhaps there’s more going on hear than what you know about. I am not trying to make anyone think the worst, but in situations where a problem drinker begins to turn to stealing; there may be some other substance abuse involved that you aren’t aware of.
It’s possible to get rid of the anger you are feeling, but you will have to forgive them for the recent instance, confront the situation and set boundaries with them. If they have stole something from you, you may have to accept the possibility of it being gone forever.
Like lying, stealing is just another character defect that many alcoholics struggle with. It’s not that they are bad people, but what happens is once they get a few drinks in them they sky is really the limit for what they may do. Afterward, they personally have to deal with the shame and guilt that are associated with the act of theft that they committed. That’s easy enough to understand.
What should you do with a family member or friend who continues to rip you off?
One of the main things that you must learn is that you do not have to accept unacceptable behavior. This applies to getting ripped off. I would definitely say that steeling is unacceptable behavior, wouldn’t you?
If you noticed that something is missing and are certain that the alcoholic stole it, then you’re going to have to talk to them about it. Don’t expect them to own up to the theft though. After all, they are living in a world of denial. Set your boundary by letting them know if it happens again that they have to either move out of the house or they will be fired, whichever applies to your situation. If they are just an occasional visitor in your home, it may be necessary to not allow them to come over anymore.
Coping with someone who is stealing can be like night and day as far as their personality is concerned. That’s what is so baffling about alcoholism; it will take the most honest person and turn them into a lying thief. One of the biggest problems we have is we hold onto the person they used to be in hopes that they will return. This type of false reality gets us into trouble. If they are stealing from you, confront the matter and set some boundaries before you end up missing something extremely valuable, perhaps you already are.
One of the steps the AA program teaches is that once you have made a list of all the persons who you have harmed, you should become willing to make amends to them all. The next steps says that you make the amend wherever possible as long as it will not injure someone when this is done.
Many of the alcoholics that I have interacted within the Alcoholics Anonymous program have admitted to stealing from friends, family members and employees.
Having been involved it he Al-anon program for several years, I have also heard many of the family members of alcoholics express how they are trying to cope with their loved one who is ripping them off all the time. In some situations the active alcoholic/addict is booted out of the house because so many things are disappearing. It’s tough love.
Dealing with a problem drinker who steals is tough. When they are in the inebriated state, all they are thinking about is what they can buy with the things they are stealing. If it makes you feel any better, no one in their right mind would steal from a friend or relative.
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WOW this sure makes since!!!!!!! My babies daddy is a hard core alcoholic, HE STOLE my Rent money order from me this December 9th, We have him on video surveillance and A photo copy of the money order is on the way. he took from “our home” my childrens money for the rent.
I would have NEVER given it to him. No matter what excuses he comes up with. End up taking a chance Putting me and the kids out in the cold.
Now he has to deal with where HE is living at, And knowing I know and understand what is going on. Im sure he is trying to come up with MORE lies then Ever before to cover it all up. IDK if i am pressing charges. He wont be allowed back in My life with Our son again. he is 51 years old, And Will Never change at this point. I guess I have just turned him over to his own sickness that he has with this disease of being an alcoholic.
Well Merry Christmas,
Melissa & Kids
Well, I am a recovering alcoholic myself. I am so frustrated with my husband’s recently (past 8 months – a year) developed habit of stealing when he can’t get money any other way.
Because what we have is considered “marital property” (I already checked with the local police dept.) I can’t call it stealing. Now the check from a non-joint account with him forging my signature is fair game… all property, including my recently pawned wedding and engagement rings, are not considered theft.
I am particularly frustrated that when I drank (for 20+ years) I never stole property or money from anyone to get $ to drink or pay any other debt. Even though I understand the addiction and the feeling of helplessness and hopelessness, I am having a tough time wrapping my head around the thieving behavior.
Thanks for posting. Knowing what it’s like being addicted and dealing with someone who’s addicted are two totally different things that cause frustration in different ways.
In both instances, I had to start with the very first step, realizing I am powerless over alcohol and my life has become unmanageable.
It’s wise to set boundaries and to protect yourself in as many ways as possible. Change locks on the doors, cancel credit card accounts, close bank accounts and freeze everything that has both of your names on it.
When you are dealing with someone “suffering” from the disease try to remember this.
The three C’s
1) I did not cause the alcoholism
2) I cannot cure the alcoholic
3) I cannot control the alcoholic
what about the alcoholic who forges checks from her employers when she is sober and always has money to buy her liquor from her boyfriend who is always helping her out and gives her money. Should we confront her on it and make her accountable for her actions or just keep letting her get away with it? We as her friends feel guilty for being upset and she cries and tell us she is sorry but we are getting tired of her lies when she is sober and not drinking at least we think she is sober. I know she lies when either way and steals and makes us feel guilty for being upset. We have cut our ties with her after years she is 59 and never follow through with help that we have all agreed to support her on and even go with her to. How do we deal with our feelings of hurt and mistrust and guilt?
Hi Linette, all of what you have shared is the “truth” about alcoholics. Most alcoholics lie to everyone about just about everything.
I would suggest getting involved in alcoholism support group meetings. Al-anon is a great place to try for at least six meetings.
Having an active alcoholic in your life is tough to deal with. By attending support group meetings you can learn how to deal with them in a loving way and also how to protect yourself from the guilty feelings you described.
Thanks for sharing. We have many articles that provide helpful tips for dealing with situations like yours.