Some of the opening words of the Al-anon meetings include the statement: “living with an alcoholic is just too much for most of us.” A family member who’s loved one is constantly drinking knows this truth all to well.
If that’s you, then you need help. We become unreasonable and irrational without even knowing it sometimes. While the person that we dearly love is out on the town destroying their lives, we have the worry warts all over us for them. Emotionally, we find ourselves hanging from the chandeliers while they are having the time of their lives getting plastered with their best friend Mr…Budwiser. This is why we need to learn methods used to let go of alcoholics.
Memorize this: “Let go and let God.”
The sooner you realize that you have no control over their choices to continually drink, the better off you will be. We must learn to let them Go and put them into God’s hands. If we do not, we will literally drive our selves crazy trying to control the alcoholic.
Love your loved one unconditionally. This statement is difficult to swallow, I know! You’re going to have to get a handle on your emotions of anger and start focusing on loving them. The way to do this is by accepting that they are who they are right now.
Work on getting your focus off of everything that they are doing wrong and start focusing on yourself and enjoying life. It would be a noble thing to find the good in your alcoholic loved one and focus on those things for a while.
Do these three things… one day at a time.
1) Refuse to argue and nag. This means Zip your lip completely.
2) Stop analyzing everything that they are doing. Don’t even look at them when you are around them.
3) Let them go live how they choose to and you start living the better life you want. If the only life that you want is for them to consider you as being the most important thing in their life, forget it! They only really are concerned about one thing, DRINKING ALCOHOL!
My mother was married to an alcoholic for thirty years, my step-father. I never heard her say a cross word about him, not once! Even though he would pass out in the easy chair every night watching TV, she still never degraded his character. She would always say that he was a good man because he had taken really good care of us for many years. She had learned how to live with and cope with an alcoholic spouse.
The best help that you will ever find for living with a loved one who has a drinking problem is in the Al-anon program. In that fellowship you will find many people who understand the pain that is associated with living with a problem drinker. Do you and your loved one a favor today, get help by joining a support group for family members of alcoholics. I promise that you will be glad that you did.