Letting go is a choice. An alcoholic wants freedom from being condemned, criticized, examined, controlled, belittlement and the alcohol that keeps them bound. It’s possible to love unconditionally. That’s the key to releasing your grip on them. If we can stop placing conditions and demands upon them, life will become much more serene for all involved.
How To Let Go of An Alcoholic
Mind Your Own Business-It’s an act of your will to stop obsessing over everything that they are doing in your presence and out of your surroundings. Mind your own business. The sooner you can realize that they are going to drink no matter what you do or say the more peaceful your life will become. The idea of controlling another persons behaviors just doesn’t work.
Stop Confronting Them-It’s no big secret when they have been drinking. We smell it on their breath, we hear it in the tone of their voice and we see the wobble in their walk. They know that they’ve been drinking and so do we. Have they ever quit because you confronted them about being drunk? Has pointing the finger at them made them stop drinking yet? I seriously doubt it. Confronting an alcoholic does little good, possibly more harm than good.
Why get all frustrated about something that you cannot control?
It’s time to do things differently. We cannot continue to do the same things over and over again expecting different results.
Let Them Lie-Has the alcoholic been lying to you? Do they continue to do so no matter what you say or how many times that you confront their false stories? Stop trying to be the private investigator that knows the truth and wants to prove it in the alcoholic court of law. The disease causes them to swear to tell a lie, the whole lie, and nothing but lies. So, accept it as a part of what they do. Have they stopped lying to you because of your confrontations? My guess would be no.
Make a Decision to Not Look at Them-As soon as you get in their presence, don’t look at them. This works well when you are at home and they come busting through the door. I used to read a lot or get on the computer. This is a great way to keep the focus off of them and on something that I enjoy doing.
Letting go of an alcoholic is difficult. This arena where they constantly twist the truth is ground that you will never win on unless you learn to let them go by not confronting them.
The Al-anon program has something that is called the three Cs.
- You cannot cure the alcoholic
- You cannot control the alcoholic
- You’re not the cause of their drinking
If you can commit these to memory, they will be extremely helpful in the process of letting go of an alcoholic child, husband, wife or friend. Once we realize that they are going to find a way to drink no matter what, the sooner we can learn how to let go of an alcoholic and start enjoying life. Freedom from the constant obsession over another person can be found through the process of learning how to let go.
Remember, you have no control over another persons mind, will or emotions. Stop trying to be their God and give them into the hands of God. He knows what they need more than you do.