Comments on: Coping With Lying Alcoholics-Why they lie so much http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/ Help for people affected by alcoholics Tue, 07 Feb 2012 22:41:46 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Lisa R http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/comment-page-1/#comment-23804 Lisa R Fri, 20 Jan 2012 20:08:43 +0000 http://alcoholicsfriend.com/?p=26#comment-23804 Melissa, Think about your children, Did you know that statistics show that children that are raised in a household with an alcoholic have a great chance of becoming one themselves? I am going thru this as well. I have 3 children that I would do anything for. But the cycle has to end. And you have to show them that its not right. You took a vow with him thru sickness and health but did you take a vow saying that you would be his caretaker for the rest of your life for something that you have no control over and he does? Melissa,

Think about your children, Did you know that statistics show that children that are raised in a household with an alcoholic have a great chance of becoming one themselves? I am going thru this as well. I have 3 children that I would do anything for. But the cycle has to end. And you have to show them that its not right. You took a vow with him thru sickness and health but did you take a vow saying that you would be his caretaker for the rest of your life for something that you have no control over and he does?

]]> By: Sally http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/comment-page-1/#comment-23803 Sally Fri, 20 Jan 2012 20:00:09 +0000 http://alcoholicsfriend.com/?p=26#comment-23803 @Melissa, you have to ultimately make the decision, but it may help if you calmly make a list of the reasons for staying and the reasons for going. It helps to see the reality of your life on paper. Then you have to think about what growing up with an alcoholic will do to your children as they get older. There are plenty of books on the subject. I'm not objective, as I just moved last weekend after spending 5 years with an alcoholic. Peace exists, and so does a decent life, but not with a drunk. That's the reality. Detachment is fine, but you have to ask yourself if you can live detached for the rest of your life. You can do it for a day or a week or a year, but how many years do you want detached from this man who taints everything in your life and the lives of your children. Above all else, protect your children from the evil influence of your alcoholic husband. @Melissa, you have to ultimately make the decision, but it may help if you calmly make a list of the reasons for staying and the reasons for going. It helps to see the reality of your life on paper. Then you have to think about what growing up with an alcoholic will do to your children as they get older. There are plenty of books on the subject. I’m not objective, as I just moved last weekend after spending 5 years with an alcoholic. Peace exists, and so does a decent life, but not with a drunk. That’s the reality. Detachment is fine, but you have to ask yourself if you can live detached for the rest of your life. You can do it for a day or a week or a year, but how many years do you want detached from this man who taints everything in your life and the lives of your children. Above all else, protect your children from the evil influence of your alcoholic husband.

]]> By: Karen http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/comment-page-1/#comment-23787 Karen Fri, 20 Jan 2012 14:20:33 +0000 http://alcoholicsfriend.com/?p=26#comment-23787 Alcoholics do lie, over the simplest things. It is a fact, it is what it is. You cannot reform them, change them,or make life perfect for them. You can acknowledge to your self that lieing is a way of functioning for the alcoholic. you recognize that lieing hurts you and your family. It even hurts their alcoholic friends. Their social network is full of lieing. You can learn (not deny) that you live with this person out of choice. (what ever the reason ) You learn to know that it is a lot of B.S. Alcoholic hate themselves so much that they will say anything to make themselves feel bigger and better. Their egos are way beyond normal and their feeble attempts to conquer their chemical changes in their brain is to try to know more, be right, be the only one who knows anything. It is a fact that you learn to accept so you can make some sense out of your life. What you choose to do with your own life is up to you. Detatchment of your emotional self helps. You can separate your life from his, open the door of your life to supportive friends. Hobbies help. Exercise helps. Reading opens the doors of your imagination. I am not saying this is easy. You have to focus on the quality of your life and not on his. He is doing what he wants to do as the chemicals are malfunctioning his brain. Take some time, what is it that makes you happy.? If you find you must leave that may be the best thing for you. If you want to stay you must not focus all of your attention on the alcoholic. Just a few thoughts for you to think about. Good luck in all that you do and for those who deny that God is not the answer in your life. I shall pray for you any way. Alcoholics do lie, over the simplest things. It is a fact, it is what it is.

You cannot reform them, change them,or make life perfect for them.

You can acknowledge to your self that lieing is a way of
functioning for the alcoholic. you recognize that lieing
hurts you and your family. It even hurts their alcoholic
friends. Their social network is full of lieing.

You can learn (not deny) that you live with this person
out of choice. (what ever the reason ) You learn to know
that it is a lot of B.S. Alcoholic hate themselves so much that they will say anything to make themselves feel
bigger and better. Their egos are way beyond normal and their feeble attempts to conquer their chemical changes in their brain is to try to know more, be right, be the only one who knows anything. It is a fact that you learn to accept so you can make some sense out of your life.

What you choose to do with your own life is up to you.
Detatchment of your emotional self helps. You can separate
your life from his, open the door of your life to supportive friends. Hobbies help. Exercise helps. Reading opens the doors of your imagination. I am not
saying this is easy. You have to focus on the quality
of your life and not on his. He is doing what he wants to do as the chemicals are malfunctioning his brain. Take some time, what is it that makes you happy.? If
you find you must leave that may be the best thing for you.
If you want to stay you must not focus all of your attention on the alcoholic.

Just a few thoughts for you to think about. Good luck in all that you do and for those who deny that God is not
the answer in your life. I shall pray for you any way.

]]> By: Christine Wolford http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/comment-page-1/#comment-23773 Christine Wolford Fri, 20 Jan 2012 09:00:51 +0000 http://alcoholicsfriend.com/?p=26#comment-23773 Dear Melissa, 19/01/2012 7.47 pm Only you can decide, but through my life, I have raised two daughters, but I did leave their father, it was not easy, let me tell you, but he was a closet gambler, a drinker, a wonderful person and a great father, he died over 16yrs ago, cancer of bladder, which he was in denial about also. He had been diagnosed before I met him, but he didn't disclose it. One day I got the strength to say and it wasn't easy, but I said I am handing your health back to you, you have to take responsibility for your own health. Looking back now, I may have died before him if I stayed, I got myself and children out. Dear Melissa, 19/01/2012 7.47 pm Only you can decide, but through my life, I have raised two daughters, but I did leave their father, it was not easy, let me tell you, but he was a closet gambler, a drinker, a wonderful person and a great father, he died over 16yrs ago, cancer of bladder, which he was in denial about also. He had been diagnosed before I met him, but he didn’t disclose it. One day I got the strength to say and it wasn’t easy, but I said I am handing your health back to you, you have to take responsibility for your own health. Looking back now, I may have died before him if I stayed, I got myself and children out.

]]> By: Donald http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/comment-page-1/#comment-23764 Donald Fri, 20 Jan 2012 04:56:54 +0000 http://alcoholicsfriend.com/?p=26#comment-23764 Tomorrow is our 12th wedding anniversary. We have been separated for the past two years. I will never give up on my wife as I love her deeply, but after five years of stress, pain, lonely evenings, I had to take care of myself. If fate dictates that another person will fill my void, so be it. To ruin two lives and dicredit the lives of those who care so much, is too high a price to pay. I may now be alone but now I can live. Tomorrow is our 12th wedding anniversary. We have been separated for the past two years. I will never give up on my wife as I love her deeply, but after five years of stress, pain, lonely evenings, I had to take care of myself. If fate dictates that another person will fill my void, so be it. To ruin two lives and dicredit the lives of those who care so much, is too high a price to pay. I may now be alone but now I can live.

]]> By: melissa http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/comment-page-1/#comment-23753 melissa Fri, 20 Jan 2012 02:47:27 +0000 http://alcoholicsfriend.com/?p=26#comment-23753 I discovered the love of my life was a closet alcoholic 2 years ago and it broke me. It was a downhill plummet to the truth that was layered with lies and deep illness. He lies to deny, cover up, defend, and control. He's been out of work off and on for years, which contributes to his depression. The biggest problem is that I am trying to raise two young boys. At this point, what are my options? Is it a better model to stick to my vows and teach "detachment with love" from a father that loves and lies? Or - is leaving when the going gets tough in light of a more peaceful, truthful, and well home a better route? This is a far cry from our fairy tale. I discovered the love of my life was a closet alcoholic 2 years ago and it broke me. It was a downhill plummet to the truth that was layered with lies and deep illness. He lies to deny, cover up, defend, and control. He’s been out of work off and on for years, which contributes to his depression. The biggest problem is that I am trying to raise two young boys. At this point, what are my options? Is it a better model to stick to my vows and teach “detachment with love” from a father that loves and lies? Or – is leaving when the going gets tough in light of a more peaceful, truthful, and well home a better route? This is a far cry from our fairy tale.

]]> By: Lisa http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/comment-page-1/#comment-18912 Lisa Sat, 19 Nov 2011 23:48:27 +0000 http://alcoholicsfriend.com/?p=26#comment-18912 I have been <a href="http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2011/04/married-alcoholic-promises/" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">married to an alcoholic</a> for 9 years it seems to get worse as he gets older. I have now gone in the other bedroom to sleep when he is drinking a lot and totally lying about it. He has been unemployed for the past 4 months and I am the only income. <a href="http://www.iihs.org/laws/dui.aspx" target="_blank" rel="nofollow">He lost his license 9 years ago for 3 DUI's</a>. You would think he would learn. But to no avail he takes our truck and says since he helped me get it he can do what he wants. I am terrified I will get a call that he has killed someone. I hate when on a Saturday I am cleaning the house and find bottles all over the place. You know the ones I am not suppose to know about. But he always says they have been there a long time. He went on a two week binder and after no eating for two weeks only drinking he was very sick. Told me he can never drink hard alcohol again but again this week he started and then tells me I am nickel and diming him for I am not giving him enough money everyday besides paying the bills, groceries, gas, his cigarettes and beer. Yeah I do get angry for I am the breadwinner and he is the drunk. It is hard to not say anthing when all he does is belittle me tell me I am fat. What's a girl to do. He won't leave his family is 2000 miles away. I would gladly get him a one way ticket it would make my life easier. Whats love got to do with it. I love the sober guy but the alcoholic one is a "jerk". I have been married to an alcoholic for 9 years it seems to get worse as he gets older. I have now gone in the other bedroom to sleep when he is drinking a lot and totally lying about it. He has been unemployed for the past 4 months and I am the only income. He lost his license 9 years ago for 3 DUI’s. You would think he would learn. But to no avail he takes our truck and says since he helped me get it he can do what he wants. I am terrified I will get a call that he has killed someone. I hate when on a Saturday I am cleaning the house and find bottles all over the place. You know the ones I am not suppose to know about. But he always says they have been there a long time. He went on a two week binder and after no eating for two weeks only drinking he was very sick. Told me he can never drink hard alcohol again but again this week he started and then tells me I am nickel and diming him for I am not giving him enough money everyday besides paying the bills, groceries, gas, his cigarettes and beer. Yeah I do get angry for I am the breadwinner and he is the drunk. It is hard to not say anthing when all he does is belittle me tell me I am fat. What’s a girl to do. He won’t leave his family is 2000 miles away. I would gladly get him a one way ticket it would make my life easier. Whats love got to do with it. I love the sober guy but the alcoholic one is a “jerk”.

]]> By: liezl http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/comment-page-1/#comment-17734 liezl Fri, 04 Nov 2011 22:16:57 +0000 http://alcoholicsfriend.com/?p=26#comment-17734 Hi I've been dating an alcoholic for almost 8 yrs! I am heartbroken, hurt, damaged and alone. All the enabling, nice talk, promises and every second day to try is lost it was all a lie! I made food came home directly after work! Took this person to psychiatrists, for implants, paid doctors fees, went to get them out of jail, forgave day after day, lend money took them back when it was their mistake and came back saying sorry! What a fool have I been. No children 32 with heart break, been seeing few times other people, saw them in bed with other people! I am a mess and one question why don't I starting drinking after what I've been through? I woke up 2 in the morning driving around for few hours phoning to see if ... Ok? But no answer, I was beaten, everything and after all this years I believe it was me no one wants me or no one would have me! Dating a person with an addiction is n big no Hi I’ve been dating an alcoholic for almost 8 yrs! I am heartbroken, hurt, damaged and alone. All the enabling, nice talk, promises and every second day to try is lost it was all a lie! I made food came home directly after work! Took this person to psychiatrists, for implants, paid doctors fees, went to get them out of jail, forgave day after day, lend money took them back when it was their mistake and came back saying sorry! What a fool have I been. No children 32 with heart break, been seeing few times other people, saw them in bed with other people! I am a mess and one question why don’t I starting drinking after what I’ve been through? I woke up 2 in the morning driving around for few hours phoning to see if … Ok? But no answer, I was beaten, everything and after all this years I believe it was me no one wants me or no one would have me! Dating a person with an addiction is n big no

]]> By: Melinda http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/comment-page-1/#comment-7688 Melinda Sat, 07 May 2011 01:57:13 +0000 http://alcoholicsfriend.com/?p=26#comment-7688 These comments are helpful. I just got into a huge fight with my boyfriend about my suspicions that he has been drinking. He lies like it is the truth. He doesn't get trashed as much anymore but I can tell when he has to keep repeating and acts like their IQ is cut in half. Yes, it is true that we would get along better if I didn't confront him. But it eats at me that he lies to my face and that I don't like living like this anymore. Alcoholism has destroyed our relationship. I no longer trust him and have to wonder if everything he tells me is a lie or the truth. These comments are helpful. I just got into a huge fight with my boyfriend about my suspicions that he has been drinking. He lies like it is the truth. He doesn’t get trashed as much anymore but I can tell when he has to keep repeating and acts like their IQ is cut in half. Yes, it is true that we would get along better if I didn’t confront him. But it eats at me that he lies to my face and that I don’t like living like this anymore. Alcoholism has destroyed our relationship. I no longer trust him and have to wonder if everything he tells me is a lie or the truth.

]]> By: paul http://alcoholicsfriend.com/2009/09/coping-with-lying-alcoholics-why-they-lie-so-much/comment-page-1/#comment-5847 paul Wed, 30 Mar 2011 14:20:56 +0000 http://alcoholicsfriend.com/?p=26#comment-5847 @ KRIS.......i have a very similar story with my girlfriend of almost a year.......love and spirituality can;t seem to break the cycle........i feel your pain......lastnight, the way i shut down her pc ( that she reminded me that even though i bought it for her, it was hers) caused a loud and anger( only from her..i reamined loving and quiet) filled interaction lasting over 30 min...finally...she said...i want you to leave....... @ KRIS…….i have a very similar story with my girlfriend of almost a year…….love and spirituality can;t seem to break the cycle……..i feel your pain……lastnight, the way i shut down her pc ( that she reminded me that even though i bought it for her, it was hers) caused a loud and anger( only from her..i reamined loving and quiet) filled interaction lasting over 30 min…finally…she said…i want you to leave…….

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