How can you tell when an alcoholic is lying? There lips are moving. Coping (dealing) with the lying nature of the problem drinker is better done through accepting the fact that lies are a way of life for the substance abuser. They really have a problem with being truthful about anything.
Why do they lie so much? Let’s face it, they are living in a world of denial and if we get honest enough with ourselves, we will realize that we are living in denial as well. It’s really not important to understand why they do this, just accept the fact and leave them alone when they do it.
The sooner you can accept that lying is a part of the alcoholic’s lifestyle the better you will be able to cope. Dealing with someone who is not telling the truth is frustrating because it causes us to want to argue with them about not telling the truth.
Just learn how to zip your lip.
When we stop confronting them then there will be a lot less finger pointing going on.
When we learn that we do not have to try and prove to them that we know they are telling us a lie, then our frustration level will go down. This will help us to also stop blaming an alcoholic for much of our stress.
What is the point of confronting an alcoholic who is lying anyway? You know they are just going to deny the truth and stand up for the false reality that they perceive to be truth. Alcoholic liars come in every shape from a teenage son, daughter, spouse, mom, dad, grandmother or grandfather.
The alcoholic lies about drinking because of the guilt and shame that accompanies their lifestyle. Have you ever known someone who when they were a child said they wanted to be an alcoholic when the grow up? Of course not, no one sets a goal to be addicted to some type of drug or substance.
Unfortunately, lying is a comfortable way of life for the alcoholic. The best way of coping (or, dealing) with this problem is to just accept the truth and let them tell their lies without you pretending to be the private investigator who knows what really happened.
Trust me… When you start letting go of all the things they are doing, you will start loosing your temper with an alcoholic less.
Just let them live their dysfunctional life and you enjoy yours without the additional fight for the day.
How to Stop Arguing With an Alcoholic
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I am seperated with my husband for 5 years. The last year i told him not to visit me because of his lies and hypocricy. How can you communicate with somobody when lies.Is impossible.They have to reach their own bottom so that denial and false world that live is broken. Lots of prayer ,patience and wisdom. Truth is power and in the ends brings victory.
I am trying to find a way to cope with my dad’s drinking, and then I come across this article which basically says “shut up and deal with it” – thanks a lot, very constructive!
Then the only other reply is someone babbling on about prayers!
I wish I could find some real advice.
Seriously. I have parents that are rarely sober and the best advise you can give is just to shut up and deal with it?
Alcoholics who lie will continue to do so even when we know they are lying. When we learn to stop confronting them, then there’s less fighting and arguing going on. This is good for “us” not necessarily them. We begin to get more peaceful when there’s less arguing going on.
An alcoholic is going to continue to do two things no matter what we say or do:
1) Drink
2) Lie
So, we just have to accept that these are personality characteristics of an alcoholic.
After being in a 20 year relationship with literally a closet alcoholic (drank and stored empty bottles in the closet) I was clued into the symptoms of sociopathy and the strong correlation to alcoholism. Dr Hare’s sociopathy/psychopathy checklist was a revelation. I went on to read Martha Stoudts book “The sociopath next door” and received a tremendous amount of understanding and relief. 75% of sociopaths are alcoholics and another 50% have substance abuse problems. The opposite is also very convincing of the connection. Around 50% of male alcoholics in inpatient rehab programs test out as sociopaths. It can’t be fixed and you are not responsible. Alanonis a fabulous resource for the support and understanding you will need to deal with a person with this complexity of personality disorder.
I lived with an alcoholic for 3 years,the first 2 years I never saw the true person,the last year was horrendous. He lied about everything from a bar of soap in the tub to a trip to the grocery store. but my problem he lied about me to people. I was the breadwinner,I bought in clothes,gave him support when his businesses failed and he lost everything, he only has the clothes on his back,I feel totally used. I am having a hard time going on with my life. He has lied about everything. Stupid things, that did not have to belied about. When I confronted him about things, he said I was lying,he lied to his own parents and this is not a young man,this is a 63 year old. I would hear him on the phone and one lie after another .. Just tell me why do they lie,he had no job,had a small pension from an exwife,married 3 times,lost numerous businesses I tried to make a lovely home for him but it never worked.